Relationships are dynamic and are moving in one of two directions: they are growing or deteriorating. There is NO in between. Whether the relationship is with your spouse, child, former spouse, stepchild, parent, sibling, in-laws, grandchild, friend, coworker or employer, it is never stays the same. We are either cultivating that relationship, which enables it to flourish or allowing stagnation and death to occur through neglect. The sad truth is that most of our relationships are shallow and superficial. We do not experience a meaningful connection with others.

There are many positive benefits of pursuing authentic, connected relationships. Research has consistently demonstrated that strong connections with others improves our overall sense of happiness, lowers the risk of anxiety and depression, helps us regulate our emotions, leads to higher self-esteem and empathy, strengthens our immune system, lowers blood pressure, and significantly decreases mortality. When it comes to your overall wellbeing, learning how to genuinely connect with others needs to be a high priority.

The Reality is That We’re Living in a Time of Unprecedented Disconnection

While technology seems to connect us more than ever, the lack of meaningful, face-to-face interaction prevents us from genuinely knowing one another. Social media isn’t enough to fulfill our emotional and social needs. We need real connection with others to thrive.

The inherent need for genuine human connection doesn’t mean that introverted people must become extraverted. Research has consistently demonstrated that when a person is motivated to change, has an effective strategy, and is willing to practice new behaviors, substantive and enduring changes can be made. This is particularly true in relationships.

The problem, however, is how do we move beyond shallow, superficial relationships to those that are exceptional; that is; relationships characterized by real connection. We start by understanding what an exceptional relationship is. An exceptional relationship is one in which we can be fully known, supported, affirmed and accepted; where we can self-disclose without a fear of being emotionally wounded; where there is emotional intimacy and connectedness; where there is a high level of trust; where we can own our behavior and take responsibility for it; where we can address conflict constructively leading to resolution; and where we desire to see one another flourish.

All Relationships Have the Potential of Becoming Exceptional

Theoretically, this is a learnable skill, but it is unnecessary that we have deep, authentic relationships with everyone. Some are simply meant for intellectual stimulation, social interaction, and just having fun. Not every dessert can be a chocolate souffle.

As we work through the Ten Relationship Principles, you will begin to see that new choices and reactions to others can move your relationships from casual to personal, competitive to collaborative, dysfunctional to functional, or superficial to connected.

Be advised that a cursory reading of the ten principles will not mystically change your relationships. An intellectual assent to these principles is not enough. Secondly, you must remember that your best efforts might not always result in real connection because it requires two motivated parties. If the other person isn’t ready or lacks the desire to work with you, the relationship cannot flourish. Thirdly, if you are unwilling to adopt a growth mindset and do the hard work, you will not succeed. However, if you take the time to fully understand and consistently practice the Ten Relationship Principles they will work for you. The principles work because God’s Word works. He is the Creator who designed man and knows what is necessary for healthy, loving relationships to grow.