12 Steps to Spiritual Intimacy in Marriage

“But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” I Cor. 2: 14

“And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to babes in Christ. I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to receive it, and even now you are still not able; for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men?” 1 Cor. 3: 1-3

Emotional and physical attraction is what drew you together, but spiritual intimacy is what keeps you together. Spiritual intimacy occurs when a husband and wife put Christ at the center of their marriage; when they surrender their lives to his Lordship.

Spiritual intimacy in marriage is often illustrated as a triangle. God is at the top of the triangle, and the husband and wife are at the bottom corners. As each spouse draws nearer to God (moving up the sides of the triangle), the couple will move closer to one another.

Spiritual intimacy is often absent in many Christian marriages. There are a number of reasons that explain this detachment:

1. Fatigue. A great time to pray or discuss what we’re learning spiritually is when we go to bed at night. But, we are so exhausted from the day’s activities that we conk out before getting a chance to talk or pray.
2. Laziness. We know that spiritual intimacy is essential to a healthy marriage, but we may be too lazy or undisciplined to pursue Christ.
3. Idolatry. Other things take precedence (e.g., TV, hobbies, work, social media) over spiritual intimacy. Good can easily become the enemy of great.
4. Different schedules. Sometimes spouses have different sleep and wake schedules.
5. Feeling awkward. This occurs when we feel inept about praying or our knowledge of the Scriptures.
6. Unresolved conflict. If we are angry or resentful with our spouse about an issue, we become reluctant to relate to them on a spiritually intimate basis.
7. Secret sin. We may have a sense of guilt, shame or embarrassment about a secret sin in our life. We fear exposure by becoming spiritually intimate.
8. Spiritual immaturity. Spiritually immature Christians tend to rely on others to feed and nurture them spiritually.
9. Lack of spiritual interest. This may indicate that your spouse is not truly born again or is carnal. They have little desire for the things of God.

How to Develop Spiritual Intimacy

1. Spend quality time in the Word of God. Schedule daily times to read God’s Word. Make an appointment with God and keep it.
2. Share the Word. Talk together about what God is teaching you.
3. Pray aloud together. You can’t get any more intimate than praying together as a couple. Consider conversational praying.
4. Hold hands when you pray. Joining your hands as well as your hearts and voices as you pray is a great way to draw close.
5. Study together. Do a Bible study or a devotional book together.
6. Make Sundays relaxed. Plan ahead so that going to church is not a hectic event. Replace the race to church with relaxation and heart preparation. If you have children, you and your spouse can share the responsibility for getting them ready and in their classes before you sit down for worship.
7. Be accountable to each other. Your spiritual relationship will grow deep if you allow yourselves to share and receive correction from each other.
8. Be accountable to others. Help each other find an accountability group that will serve as a sounding board and spiritual support. Choose groups that will ultimately strengthen your commitment to each other, not weaken it.
9. Spend time with other Christian couples. Choose wisely. Link up with couples who have boundaries and are intent on developing strong marriages.
10. Find a godly mentor. Ask a mature Christian couple with a healthy marriage to mentor you.
11. Serve God together. The biggest challenge for Christians is to dedicate our lives to serving others, under God’s direction. Because service to God is so central to living a Christian life, it also plays a pivotal role in developing spiritual intimacy within marriage.
12. Teach your children to follow God. One of the greatest responsibilities of your shared commitment to Christ is passing on your faith to your children. Strategize together about how to make faith vital for each of them, and act on your plans.

 

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