The divorce rate has actually been on a steady decline since the 90s, and it’s projected that 63% of couples that marry in the 2000s will never divorce. Still nervous? While there is no magic formula that can guarantee your marital relationship will last a lifetime, there are a number of sound principles you can apply that will significantly minimize your risk of divorce.
- Don’t threaten divorce. In a moment of anger, frustration, or desperation, some couples threaten divorce in order to hurt their partner. We should never use divorce as a punishment, weapon, or way to gain leverage in an argument. Doing so can cause a great deal of pain and insecurity; and ironically, it may set the stage for divorce in the future.
- Determine to have a Christ-centered marriage. A Christ-centered home is a place where family members speak, act and relate to one another with the awareness that the Lord Jesus is present in everything they do. It is a household in which He is the unseen guest at every meal, the silent listener to every conversation.
- Pray with one other. Prayer is a powerful method for creating deep intimacy between a husband and wife. Being vulnerable with one another before the throne of God can strengthen a couple’s emotional and spiritual bond. (Couples who consistently pray together have less than a 1% divorce rate.)
- Communicate. Consistent, meaningful communication is essential for your relationship to withstand the pressures and problems of life. Be open and honest with one another. Be intentional about listening to your partner’s point of view, resisting the urge to argue, correct, or become angry with your partner.
- Learn your partner’s love language. Get to know your partner’s love language (i.e., words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, or gifts) so that you can communicate in a way your partner can understand
- Remember that marriage is not a 50-50 proposition. Your responsibility is independent of what your mate does or doesn’t do. When a spouse looks at marriage as a 50-50 agreement, they will be tempted to point out how the other treats them. However, when a couple view marriage as a 100-100 proposition, they will have a much stronger and happier marriage.
- Learn how to fight fair. While arguments are a healthy and natural part of human relationships, a great deal of harm can occur if a couple fights in a malicious or destructive way. You can prevent healthy conflict from turning into dirty fighting by avoiding power struggles, interrupting, name-calling, jumping to conclusions, being derogatory, etc. Stay focused on protecting the relationship. Actively listen to your partner’s concerns with an attitude of acceptance. Keep your argument from escalating into a heated battle by taking a time-out to cool down. Once you are calm, return to the discussion and look for a win-in solution.
- End the day with a clean slate. Ephesians 4:26 commands us to not let the sun go down while we are still angry or we will give Satan a “foothold.” Make it your goal to keep short accounts with your spouse on a daily basis.
- Practice forgiveness. When your partner wounds you, you have two choices. You can ruminate about your hurt or you can choose to forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that condone their actions, but that you choose to let the debt go and move ahead with your relationship.
- Have regular sexual relations. Don’t let sex fall by the wayside. If regular sex doesn’t happen naturally, you may want to consider scheduling a time for sex. While at first it may seem unromantic, scheduling regular sex can be a wonderful way to insure that there is sexual intimacy in your busy lives.
- Discuss finances on a regular basis. Too often, serious marital problems arise out of conflict over finances. You and your partner may have different expectations about money, so it’s important to reach an agreement on how to budget money and handle debt. Live within your means.
- Guard Your Heart. Protect your eyes, ears and mind. Set boundaries that will prevent temptation. Husbands, make it your practice to consistently look away when your eyes are drawn to other women. Women, someone other than your husband is attentive and caring, remember to whom you made a promise to love—even when times are difficult.
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