Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and reason with emotions. It involves being aware of your own feelings and those of others and using that awareness to guide your thinking and actions. Developing strong emotional intelligence is just as important for Christians as it is for anyone else.The Bible has a lot to say about emotions and how we should handle them. God created us as emotional beings, and Jesus himself experienced a full range of human emotions during his time on earth. Proverbs 15:13 says “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” This verse recognizes the powerful impact our emotions can have on our lives and relationships. So how can Christians grow in emotional intelligence? Here are some key principles and practices:

Cultivate self-awareness

The first step is to become more aware of your own emotions. Take time to pause and reflect on how you are feeling in the moment. What emotions are you experiencing? Anger, fear, joy, sadness? Naming your emotions helps you better understand them and respond to them in a healthy way. The Bible encourages self-awareness. Psalm 139:23-24 says “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” Asking God to search our hearts and reveal our thoughts and feelings is a powerful prayer for growing in self-knowledge.

Manage your emotions

Once you are aware of your emotions, the next step is to learn how to manage them. This doesn’t mean suppressing or ignoring your feelings, but rather responding to them in a thoughtful, constructive way. Ephesians 4:26-27 says “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” This passage acknowledges that anger is a normal human emotion but warns against letting it lead to sinful actions. The Bible encourages us to process our anger in a timely manner before it festers and causes harm. Proverbs 29:11 contrasts the wise and foolish: “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the time of crisis.” Wise people can regulate their emotions and respond calmly, even in stressful situations. This is a key aspect of emotional intelligence.

Practice empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing the world from their perspective. Empathy is a core part of emotional intelligence and is also a key biblical principle. Jesus modeled empathy throughout his ministry. He wept with those who were grieving (John 11:35), had compassion on the crowds (Matthew 9:36), and understood the struggles of those he encountered. Hebrews 4:15 says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.” Jesus’ empathy for the human condition is a key part of his identity as our high priest. The Bible calls us to follow Jesus’ example of empathy. Colossians 3:12 says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Empathy and compassion are virtues that should characterize the people of God.

Communicate effectively

Strong communication skills are another key aspect of emotional intelligence. This involves being able to express your feelings clearly and assertively, while also being a good listener. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” The way we communicate has a big impact on others and can either escalate or defuse emotionally charged situations. The Bible has a lot to say about the power of our words. Proverbs 18:21 says “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Our speech can either build others up or tear them down. Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Emotionally intelligent communication is constructive and gracious.

Develop healthy relationships

Emotional intelligence is ultimately about having healthy, fulfilling relationships with others. It’s about connecting with people on an emotional level and building bonds of trust and understanding. The Bible places a high value on relationships and community. Jesus summed up the greatest commandments as loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:36-40). Healthy relationships are at the heart of what it means to follow Jesus. 1 John 4:7-8 says “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” Love and relationship are at the core of who God is. The Bible also acknowledges that relationships can be challenging and that conflict is inevitable. Proverbs 17:17 says “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” True friends stick with you through thick and thin. Galatians 6:2 encourages us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Emotionally intelligent relationships involve supporting one another and bearing one another’s pain.

Putting it into practice

So how can you put these principles into practice and grow in emotional intelligence as a Christian? Here are some suggestions:

  • Spend time in self-reflection, journaling, and prayer. Ask God to reveal your emotions and help you process them in a healthy way.
  • When you’re feeling strong emotions, pause before reacting. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself how you want to respond.
  • Practice active listening when talking to others. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and focus on understanding where the other person is coming from.
  • If you’re in a conflict, express your feelings using “I” statements. For example, “I feel hurt when…” rather than “You made me feel…”
  • Seek out emotionally intelligent role models, whether in your church, community, or through books and media. Observe how they handle emotions and relationships.
  • Consider getting counseling or coaching to work through emotional blocks or relationship issues. Having an outside perspective can be very valuable.
  • Serve others and look for ways to support and encourage those going through difficult times. Emotionally intelligent people are generous with their time and care.

Ultimately, growing in emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey. It involves being humble, open to feedback, and willing to learn and grow. As Christians, we have the Holy Spirit to guide us and the example of Jesus to follow. By cultivating self-awareness, managing our emotions, practicing empathy, communicating effectively, and nurturing healthy relationships, we can become more emotionally intelligent and more like Christ.