Marriage is a precious gift from God, designed to reflect the intimate, sacrificial love between Christ and His church. As Christian couples, we are called to nurture and celebrate the romantic love that drew us together, while keeping God at the very center of our relationship. By cultivating romance in a way that honors God, we can experience the fullness of joy and intimacy that He intends for marriage. Here are some key principles for nurturing romance in a Christian marriage:
Recognize that true romance flows from a foundation of committed, sacrificial love
The world often portrays romance as an exciting but fleeting feeling based on attraction, passion and grand gestures. But as Christians, we know that lasting romance must be rooted in the committed, sacrificial love modeled by Christ. Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” When we love our spouse with the unconditional, selfless love of Christ, serving them and putting their needs above our own, it lays the foundation for genuine, enduring romance.
Make your relationship with God the top priority
No matter how much we love our spouse, they can never completely fulfill us or meet our deepest needs. Only God can do that. Psalm 37:4 tells us to “delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When we make our personal relationship with God our first priority, staying connected to Him through prayer and Scripture, He fills us with His love and enables us to love our spouse well. Keeping God at the center takes the pressure off our spouse to be “everything” and frees us to simply enjoy the romantic love we share as a gift from Him.
Communicate your love and desire for your spouse
Life gets busy and it’s easy to get complacent in marriage, neglecting to express our love and desire for our husband or wife. But our spouse longs to know that we still find them attractive, value them, and cherish our romantic connection. Song of Solomon 4:1,7 demonstrates the importance of verbally expressing desire and admiration to our beloved: “How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!…You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” Regularly affirm your love for your spouse in words, telling them what you appreciate about them. Leave love notes, send flirtatious texts, give genuine compliments. Nonverbal affection is also powerful – kiss, hug, hold hands, give back rubs. Consistent loving touch and words of affirmation keep romance alive.
Make time to focus on your marriage relationship
Between jobs, kids, church and other responsibilities, it takes intentionality to nurture the romantic side of marriage. Have regular date nights to focus on enjoying each other’s company without distractions. Schedule getaways, even if brief or simple, to have extended time to talk, laugh, dream together and be intimate. Protect your time as a couple and don’t allow anything to crowd out investing in your relationship. During seasons when getting away is difficult, look for small windows to connect, like putting the kids to bed early, waking up before them in the morning, or stealing a few moments alone after work before diving into evening tasks. Prioritizing time together communicates that your marriage is your most important human relationship.
Pursue emotional and spiritual intimacy, not just physical
Romance isn’t just about sexual intimacy, but also the emotional and spiritual bond between husband and wife. 1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” We must seek to truly know, understand and honor our spouse’s heart. Share your deepest feelings, fears, hopes and dreams with each other. Pray and read Scripture together. Be vulnerable and transparent. Pursue shared interests and inside jokes. Laugh together. This multidimensional intimacy is the key to keeping romance and passion strong over a lifetime.
Extend grace and forgiveness when romance is strained
No matter how much we love each other, every marriage goes through seasons where romance seems to fizzle – when we’re exhausted from parenting littles, when work is extremely stressful, when we’re walking through grief or illness. In those times, it’s crucial to extend grace, compassion and forgiveness to our spouse and ourselves. Colossians 3:13-14 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Remember you’re on the same team, and this is just a season. Look for small ways to show love when you’re weary. Freely forgive each other’s shortcomings. Lean on God’s strength and love to sustain you. The romantic feelings will return as you remain committed to loving well.
Celebrate intimacy as a gift from God to be enjoyed
God is the Creator of romance, and He intends for us to delight in the sexual relationship within the covenant of marriage. Proverbs 5:18-19 says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Approach intimacy as a beautiful, exciting gift to be savored and celebrated, not a taboo subject. Learn how to please each other and communicate your desires. Make your marriage bed a place of safety, vulnerability and mutual pleasure. Keeping the spark alive sexually has a powerful positive impact on every other aspect of your relationship.
Ultimately, romance in a Christian marriage is not about just following a checklist of tips and techniques, but about two people seeking to love each other selflessly as an act of worship to God. As we draw closer to Christ, we can’t help but be drawn closer to our spouse, finding our romantic desires fulfilled in the oneness God intended. May we steward well the gift of romantic love in marriage, and in doing so, point a watching world to the depth and beauty of Christ’s passionate love for His bride.