If you’ve spent any time in church, on social media, or just chatting with friends, you’ve probably noticed a trend: more and more men are putting off marriage—or avoiding it altogether. It’s not just your imagination. In the United States alone, over 127 million adults are single, and marriage rates have been steadily declining for years. For Christians who believe marriage is a good gift from God, this trend raises a big question: Why aren’t men getting married?
Let’s dig into the reasons behind this shift, what Scripture says about marriage, and how Christian men can respond in faith and wisdom.
The Biblical Foundation for Marriage
First, let’s remember what the Bible teaches about marriage. From the very beginning, God designed marriage as a core part of human life. Genesis 2:18 says, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Marriage is pictured as a blessing, a partnership, and even a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Paul acknowledges that some are called to singleness “for the sake of the kingdom,” but he’s clear that this is a rare gift (1 Corinthians 7:7-9, 36). For most, marriage is the default path—a means of companionship, sanctification, and fulfilling God’s mandate to “be fruitful and multiply”.
So why are so many men today resisting or postponing this good gift?
The Top Reasons Men Aren’t Getting Married
1. Desire for Independence and Fear of Losing Freedom
Many men say they’re not ready to give up their independence. They enjoy the freedom to make decisions without consulting anyone, pursue hobbies, travel, and come and go as they please. Marriage, in their minds, means compromise, sacrifice, and a loss of autonomy.
Our culture has elevated individualism to a virtue, making “personal liberty” seem more attractive than the responsibilities of marriage. Men worry that marriage will force them to give up their passions or limit their choices.
2. Economic and Financial Concerns
Finances are a huge factor. Men are told they need to be financially secure before they can marry, and many feel unprepared to provide for a family in today’s economy. The cost of weddings, shared finances, and the fear of financial loss in the event of divorce (alimony, child support, division of assets) weigh heavily on their minds.
Some men delay marriage until they own a house, have a stable job, or feel they can “afford” a wife and children. For those struggling economically, marriage can seem more like a risk than a reward.
3. Fear of Divorce and Emotional Pain
With divorce rates hovering around 50%, many men are afraid of making a lifelong commitment that could end in heartbreak, legal battles, and financial ruin. Stories of friends and family going through messy divorces only add to their anxiety.
The emotional cost of divorce—loss of children, home, and stability—can be daunting. Some men would rather avoid marriage entirely than risk the pain of a failed relationship.
4. Commitment Phobia and Relationship Reluctance
Commitment is a big word, and for some men, it’s a scary one. The idea of being tied to one person “for better or worse” feels overwhelming, especially in a culture that prizes endless options and “keeping your options open”.
Some men have been hurt by past relationships or grew up in homes marked by conflict or divorce. These wounds can make the idea of commitment seem risky or even impossible.
5. Unrealistic Expectations and Perfectionism
In the age of dating apps and social media, the search for the “perfect” partner can be paralyzing. Men (and women) are bombarded with images of idealized relationships and may hold out for someone who checks every box—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially.
This perfectionism leads to endless searching and dissatisfaction, making it hard to commit to a real, imperfect person.
6. Easy Access to Sex and Cohabitation
Let’s be honest: In the past, marriage was often the only socially acceptable context for sexual intimacy. Today, sex outside of marriage is common and widely accepted, even among some Christians. Many men feel they can get the benefits of companionship and intimacy without the commitment of marriage, especially through cohabitation.
This “try before you buy” mentality removes much of the incentive to marry, as men can enjoy many of the perks of marriage without the covenant or responsibility.
7. Lack of Role Models and Fatherlessness
A significant number of men today grew up without strong, godly male role models. Fatherlessness and broken homes have left many young men unsure of how to lead, love, and provide for a family. Without examples to follow, it’s easy to feel unprepared or even unworthy of marriage.
8. Cultural Shifts and Changing Gender Roles
Society’s expectations for men and women have shifted dramatically. Men are no longer expected to be the sole providers, and many women are financially independent. While this is a positive development in many ways, it has also left some men confused about their role in marriage and family life.
The pressure to be both strong and sensitive, a provider and a partner, can feel overwhelming. Some men simply opt out rather than risk failing to meet these expectations.
9. Spiritual Apathy or Misunderstanding
Some Christian men have absorbed the cultural message that singleness is just as good—or even more spiritual—than marriage. While Paul does affirm the value of singleness for those called to it, he is clear that it is a unique gift, not the norm.
Others may lack spiritual maturity or a biblical vision for marriage, seeing it as a burden rather than a blessing.
What Does the Bible Say About These Reasons?
Scripture is clear: marriage is a good gift from God, designed for companionship, sanctification, and the building of families and society. The desire to avoid responsibility, pursue selfish pleasure, or fear commitment are not biblical reasons to reject marriage.
Paul warns against using excuses to avoid God’s good design. He affirms that some are called to singleness for the sake of the kingdom, but this is rare and should not be used to justify selfishness or fear. Marriage is the normal path for most men, and it brings with it blessings, growth, and opportunities to serve God and others.
The Consequences of Delaying or Avoiding Marriage
The decline in marriage isn’t just a personal issue—it’s a societal one. Marriage is the cornerstone of families and communities. When men avoid marriage, it leads to loneliness, instability, and a breakdown of the social fabric.
For Christian men, avoiding marriage means missing out on the sanctifying, joy-giving, and gospel-reflecting blessings God intended. It also leaves many godly women longing for husbands and families, waiting for men to step up and embrace their calling.
What Can Christian Men Do?
If you’re a single man wrestling with the idea of marriage, here are some practical steps:
1. Examine Your Motives
Ask yourself honestly: Are you avoiding marriage out of fear, selfishness, or cultural pressure? Or are you truly called to singleness for the sake of the kingdom? Seek God’s wisdom and counsel from mature believers.
2. Pursue Spiritual Growth
Grow in your relationship with Christ. Spiritual maturity is the best preparation for marriage. Learn to serve, sacrifice, and love as Christ loves the church.
3. Take Responsibility
Don’t wait for the “perfect” circumstances or partner. Take initiative, pursue godly women, and be willing to make sacrifices. Marriage is about two imperfect people learning to love each other by God’s grace.
4. Seek Wise Counsel
Surround yourself with married men who can mentor you, encourage you, and help you navigate the challenges of relationships and marriage.
5. Trust God’s Design
Remember that God’s plan for marriage is good. Don’t let fear, cultural trends, or past wounds keep you from embracing His gift. Step out in faith, trusting that God will provide what you need to be a loving husband and father.
A Word to the Church
Churches have a vital role to play in encouraging marriage. We need to celebrate healthy marriages, provide mentoring and premarital counseling, and challenge the cultural lies that undermine God’s design. Let’s create a culture where men are inspired and equipped to pursue marriage as a calling and a blessing, not a burden or a risk.
So, why aren’t men getting married? The reasons are many—fear, finances, cultural confusion, lack of role models, and sometimes just plain selfishness. But for Christians, the answer isn’t to shame or pressure men, but to point them back to God’s good design. Marriage is a gift, a calling, and a means of reflecting Christ’s love to the world. Let’s encourage men to step up, trust God, and embrace the adventure of marriage for His glory and their joy.