If you’ve spent any time in the dating world lately—especially as a Christian—you’ve probably noticed something is off. People are frustrated, exhausted, and discouraged. Many are walking away from dating altogether, convinced that the whole process is broken. And honestly, they’re not wrong. Dating, as it’s practiced today, isn’t just difficult for Christians; it’s downright confusing and often leads to disappointment instead of lasting love.

Why is dating so broken? Let’s take a closer look at what’s going wrong, why so many are giving up, and how we can approach relationships in a way that honors God and brings real hope.

The Rise of Unrealistic Expectations

One of the biggest reasons dating is broken is the mountain of unrealistic expectations—on both sides. Social media and dating apps have created a “shopping” mentality, where people are constantly searching for the next best thing. We scroll through endless profiles, swipe left or right in seconds, and judge potential partners based on a few photos and a catchy bio. It’s easy to forget that behind every profile is a real person, not a product.

For women, the pressure can be overwhelming. Social media is full of images of “perfect” relationships—couples on exotic vacations, glamorous date nights, and constant romantic gestures. It’s easy to start believing that this is what a relationship should look like all the time. If a date doesn’t measure up to these staged moments, disappointment sets in fast. Women may start to expect a man who is always charming, successful, spiritually mature, emotionally available, and ready to sweep her off her feet. The problem? No one is perfect. Real men have flaws, bad days, and struggles just like anyone else.

Men aren’t immune to unrealistic expectations either. Many guys feel pressure to be the “perfect catch”—handsome, funny, financially stable, and spiritually strong. They know they’re being evaluated and compared, and it can be paralyzing. Some men end up feeling like they can never measure up, so they stop trying altogether. Others become hyper-selective, always holding out for someone “better” who might be just a swipe away.

This cycle of high expectations and constant comparison leads to disappointment, frustration, and, ultimately, a lot of people walking away from dating entirely.

The Individualism Trap

Modern culture celebrates individualism—being true to yourself, putting your needs first, and never settling for less than you deserve. While there’s value in knowing who you are and having healthy boundaries, the extreme version of individualism can be toxic for relationships. It teaches us to focus on what we can get from a relationship, rather than what we can give.

Instead of seeing dating as a chance to serve, grow, and build something meaningful, many approach it as a way to fulfill their own desires. If a relationship stops making them happy or requires too much sacrifice, they’re encouraged to move on. This attitude clashes directly with the biblical view of relationships, which calls us to love sacrificially, forgive, and work through challenges together.

The Fear of Commitment

Commitment is a scary word in today’s dating culture. Many people—especially men—are bombarded with messages that settling down means giving up their freedom or missing out on something better. Movies, music, and social media glorify the single life, making marriage and long-term commitment seem boring or even dangerous.

For Christians, this creates a real dilemma. We’re called to pursue relationships that honor God, with marriage as the goal—not just endless dating or casual hookups. But when commitment is seen as a trap instead of a blessing, it’s no wonder so many are hesitant to take relationships seriously. The result? Shallow connections, fear of vulnerability, and a lot of broken hearts.

The Digital Dilemma

Online dating has changed everything. On one hand, it’s never been easier to meet new people—even those who share your faith and values. On the other hand, the sheer number of options can make it hard to commit to anyone. There’s always the temptation to keep looking, just in case someone “better” comes along.

Dating apps can also foster a consumer mentality, where people are treated like products to be evaluated and discarded. This makes genuine connection difficult. It’s easy to ghost someone, move on quickly, or avoid the hard work of building a real relationship. The result? More loneliness, more confusion, and less trust in the process.

The Baggage of Past Relationships

Another reason dating feels broken is the emotional baggage people carry from previous relationships. Many have dated multiple people before, often with painful breakups and unresolved wounds. Each failed relationship can leave scars—making it harder to trust, open up, or believe that a healthy relationship is possible. The more breakups you experience, the more likely you are to approach dating with skepticism or fear, rather than hope.

The Confusion of Roles and Expectations

In Christian circles, there’s often confusion about what dating should look like. Should it be casual or intentional? Is it okay to date multiple people, or should you only date someone you’re seriously considering for marriage? Add to that the pressure from church communities, family, and friends, and it’s easy to feel lost.

Women are often told to wait for a man to pursue, but also to be proactive. Men are told to lead, but also not to come on too strong. Everyone is told to guard their heart, but also to be vulnerable. No wonder so many people are frustrated and confused!

The Impact of Purity Culture and Fear

Many Christian singles grew up with a strong emphasis on purity—avoiding sex before marriage, guarding your heart, and keeping relationships within strict boundaries. While these are good principles, the way they’ve been taught has sometimes created fear and shame around dating itself. Some men are afraid to pursue women because they don’t want to be seen as too forward or risk crossing a boundary. Women, on the other hand, may feel guilty for expressing interest or worry about being labeled as “desperate.”

This fear-based approach can lead to passivity, missed opportunities, and a lack of genuine connection. Instead of building healthy, Christ-centered relationships, many end up stuck—afraid to move forward, but also afraid to be alone.

Why Are People Walking Away from Dating?

Given all these challenges, it’s no surprise that many are opting out of dating altogether. Women, in particular, are exhausted by the endless cycle of disappointment and unmet expectations. They’re tired of being led on, ghosted, or treated as just another option. Some have decided it’s easier to focus on their careers, friendships, or faith than to keep trying in a system that feels rigged against them.

Men, too, are walking away in growing numbers. Some feel rejected or unwanted, convinced that they can’t compete with the endless parade of options online. Others are discouraged by the fear of commitment, the pressure to be perfect, or the risk of being misunderstood. For many, it just seems safer—and less painful—to stay single.

Unrealistic Expectations: The Silent Relationship Killer

Let’s be honest: a lot of the pain in modern dating comes from expecting too much. We want someone who is perfect in every way, who will meet all our emotional needs, make us instantly happy, and never let us down. We expect to know right away if someone is “the one,” and if things aren’t easy, we assume it’s not meant to be.

But these expectations aren’t just unrealistic—they’re unbiblical. The Bible reminds us that everyone is flawed (Romans 3:23), that love takes time to grow (Ecclesiastes 3:1), and that only God can truly satisfy our deepest needs (Philippians 4:19). Expecting another person to be your savior, your source of happiness, or your perfect match is setting yourself up for disappointment.

How Can Christians Respond?

So, what do we do when dating is broken? How can we approach relationships in a way that honors God and brings real hope?

  • Adjust Your Expectations: Instead of looking for perfection, look for someone who is growing in their faith and willing to work on themselves. Be honest about your own flaws, and be willing to extend grace to others.

  • Prioritize Commitment: Remember that God’s design for relationships is about commitment, not convenience. Don’t be afraid of working through challenges or investing in someone for the long haul.

  • Serve, Don’t Shop: Approach dating with a servant’s heart. Ask not just what you can get from a relationship, but what you can give. Look for ways to encourage, support, and build up the other person.

  • Be Honest About Your Intentions: Don’t play games or lead people on. If you’re not interested in a serious relationship, be upfront about it. If you are, don’t be afraid to say so.

  • Guard Your Heart, But Don’t Be Afraid: Set healthy boundaries, but don’t let fear keep you from connecting with others. Trust God to guide you, and be open to His leading—even if it means taking a risk.

  • Seek Wisdom and Community: Don’t date in isolation. Involve trusted friends, mentors, and your church community in your relationships. Ask for advice, prayer, and accountability.

  • Focus on Christ: Remember that your identity and worth come from Christ, not from your relationship status. Let Him be your ultimate source of joy, hope, and fulfillment.

A Better Way Forward

Dating may be broken, but hope isn’t lost. As Christians, we have the opportunity to model a different way—a way that values commitment over convenience, grace over perfection, and Christ over culture. It won’t always be easy, and it may require letting go of some of our expectations and fears. But in the end, it’s worth it.

If you’re discouraged by the dating scene, you’re not alone. Take heart, trust God, and remember that He is able to do more than you can ask or imagine—even in your love life. Dating may be broken, but God’s love never is. And that’s the foundation for any relationship worth building.