Have you noticed that fewer men seem willing to approach women these days? Maybe you’ve heard stories from single women at church or seen it play out in your own circle—guys who hesitate, keep their distance, or simply never make the first move. It’s a trend that’s left a lot of women scratching their heads and wondering, “What happened?” If you’re a Christian, you might feel this even more deeply, since dating and marriage are important parts of God’s design for us. So why does it seem like men aren’t approaching anymore, and what can we do about it—especially when so many men are worried about being labeled as “creepy”?

Let’s talk honestly about what’s going on, why it matters, and how we can respond in a way that honors God and brings hope to those who want to build strong, Christ-centered relationships.

What’s Changed? Why Aren’t Men Approaching?

There are a lot of reasons men seem less likely to approach women these days. Some of it is cultural, some of it is technological, and some of it is spiritual. Here are a few big factors:

Fear of Rejection

Let’s face it—no one enjoys being turned down. But for men, the fear of rejection can feel especially intense. With so much emphasis on consent, boundaries, and personal space (all good things!), many guys worry about coming across as disrespectful or making women uncomfortable. They’re not sure how to express interest without crossing a line, so sometimes they just don’t try at all.

For many men, the risk of being misunderstood or embarrassing themselves is enough to keep them on the sidelines, even if their intentions are good.

Changing Gender Roles

Modern culture has blurred the lines between masculine and feminine roles. Men are told to be sensitive, but also strong. They’re told to lead, but not to dominate. The result? A lot of confusion. Some men aren’t sure what’s expected of them, or they feel like their efforts to pursue a woman might be misunderstood or even criticized.

Social Media and Online Dating

Apps and social media have changed the way people meet and interact. For some, it’s easier to swipe or send a message than to walk up and start a conversation in person. But online interactions can feel shallow, and many men worry they’ll be ignored or ghosted. The constant comparison on social media also makes many men feel like they can’t measure up, so they hold back.

Past Hurts and Disappointments

A lot of men carry wounds from past relationships—maybe they’ve been rejected, embarrassed, or even accused of being too forward. Those experiences can make them hesitant to try again, especially if they don’t have a supportive community encouraging them.

A Culture of Passivity

Let’s be honest: our culture doesn’t always encourage men to take initiative. The rise of “situationships”—those vague, undefined relationships—has made it easier for both men and women to avoid commitment and vulnerability. Some men have simply gotten used to waiting for women to make the first move, or they’ve convinced themselves it’s not worth the risk.

The “Creepy” Label

Here’s a big one that’s unique to our current culture: the fear of being labeled as “creepy.” This word gets thrown around a lot, and it’s become a major stumbling block for men who might otherwise want to approach women. Even if a man’s intentions are pure and respectful, he worries that any attempt to show interest could be misinterpreted as inappropriate, pushy, or just plain weird.

Why is this such a big deal? Because the “creepy” label is powerful and, once attached, hard to shake. It can follow a man socially, in his church, or even at work. For many men, the risk of being seen this way outweighs the potential reward of starting a conversation. They’d rather play it safe and stay silent than risk social embarrassment or being misunderstood.

What makes an approach feel “creepy” to women? It’s usually not just about a man showing interest, but about ignoring social cues, being overly persistent, invading personal space, or lacking self-awareness. Unfortunately, even a well-meaning, respectful approach can be misread, especially in a culture that’s quick to judge and slow to give the benefit of the doubt.

The Impact on Christian Dating

For Christian singles, this trend can be especially discouraging. God designed men and women to complement each other, and He calls men to take initiative in relationships—not as a way to dominate, but to lovingly lead and serve. When men stop approaching, it can leave women feeling unseen, unwanted, or confused about their own role.

It also makes it harder for couples to build relationships that are rooted in faith, trust, and intentionality. If no one is willing to take the first step, how can a godly marriage ever begin?

Why Men Taking Initiative Matters

From a biblical perspective, there’s something beautiful about a man taking the lead in pursuing a woman. Throughout Scripture, we see examples of men stepping up—think of Isaac seeking Rebekah, or Boaz pursuing Ruth. This isn’t about outdated gender roles or suppressing women’s voices. It’s about honoring God’s design for men to be initiators, protectors, and providers.

When a man approaches a woman with respect and genuine interest, it communicates several important things:

  • He’s willing to take a risk and be vulnerable.

  • He values the woman enough to make an effort.

  • He’s ready to step into a leadership role, which is essential for a healthy marriage.

What’s Holding Men Back Spiritually?

Beyond the cultural and social reasons, there’s a spiritual battle going on. The enemy loves to sow confusion, fear, and passivity—especially in areas as important as marriage and family. If men can be convinced to stay silent, distracted, or passive, it weakens the entire fabric of Christian community.

Many men also struggle with insecurity about their own masculinity. They wonder if they’re “man enough” to lead, love, and provide. Without strong mentors or examples, it’s easy to retreat into comfort zones and avoid the challenge of pursuing a godly relationship.

What Can Women Do?

If you’re a woman who wishes men would approach more often, you might feel powerless to change things. But there are ways you can encourage healthy, God-honoring pursuit:

  • Be approachable. A warm smile, eye contact, and open body language go a long way. You don’t have to make the first move, but you can make it easier for a man to start a conversation.

  • Show grace. If a man does approach you, even awkwardly, respond with kindness. Remember, it takes courage to put yourself out there.

  • Be clear about your values. Let men know you appreciate initiative and leadership. Encourage the men in your life—brothers, friends, church members—when they step up.

  • Pray for the men around you. Ask God to give them courage, wisdom, and a heart for Christ-centered relationships.

What Can Men Do?

If you’re a man who’s hesitant to approach, know that you’re not alone. But God calls you to more than passivity. Here’s how you can step up—without being pushy or disrespectful:

  • Seek your identity in Christ. Your worth isn’t defined by how women respond to you, but by who you are in Jesus.

  • Practice courage with wisdom. Start small—say hello, ask a question, or offer a genuine compliment. Pay attention to her response and respect her boundaries.

  • Read the room. Notice body language and social cues. If she seems uncomfortable or uninterested, gracefully move on.

  • Pursue growth. Surround yourself with godly men who can encourage and challenge you. Learn from their example.

  • Lead with respect. Pursuing a woman doesn’t mean being manipulative. It means honoring her boundaries and treating her as a sister in Christ.

  • Trust God with the outcome. Not every approach will lead to a relationship, and that’s okay. God is at work in your life, shaping you for His purposes.

How the Church Can Help

Churches have a unique opportunity to encourage healthy relationships. Here are a few ways the church can support men and women in this area:

  • Teach biblical masculinity and femininity. Help men and women understand their God-given roles and how to honor each other.

  • Create opportunities for connection. Host events, small groups, or service projects where singles can meet and get to know one another in a natural setting.

  • Encourage mentorship. Pair younger men with older, godly mentors who can model what it looks like to pursue a woman with integrity.

  • Talk openly about dating and relationships. Remove the stigma and create a culture where it’s okay to express interest and take risks.

A Word of Hope

If you’re frustrated by the current dating scene, don’t lose heart. God is still in control, and He cares deeply about your desire for a godly marriage. Remember, the goal isn’t just to “get approached” or “find someone”—it’s to honor Christ in every area of your life, including your relationships.

For men, that means stepping up, taking initiative, and trusting God with the outcome—while being sensitive to how your actions are received. For women, it means being open, gracious, and supportive of men who are trying to lead well. For both, it means seeking God first and letting Him shape your desires, your character, and your future.

Final Thoughts

The trend of men no longer approaching isn’t just a cultural blip—it’s a reflection of deeper shifts in our society, our churches, and our hearts. The fear of being misunderstood or rejected is real, and so is the fear of being labeled “creepy.” But it doesn’t have to paralyze us. As Christians, we have the opportunity to model a better way: to approach each other with respect, courage, and grace, and to build relationships that reflect God’s love and design.

So, whether you’re a man or a woman, don’t give up hope. Pray, prepare, and trust God to bring the right people into your life at the right time. And when the opportunity comes, be ready to step forward with courage, wisdom, and faith. That’s the kind of love story God loves to write.