Let’s talk about something you might have heard tossed around in conversations, magazines, or even on social media: the “starter marriage.” It sounds a bit like “starter home,” doesn’t it? The idea is similar—a first attempt, a practice run, something you try out before moving on to the “real thing.” But when it comes to marriage, is that really how God intended it? Let’s dig into what a starter marriage is, why it’s become a thing, and how we as Christians should think about it.

What Is a Starter Marriage?

A starter marriage is usually defined as a first marriage that lasts five years or less and ends without children. It’s often entered into by young adults, sometimes right out of college or in their early twenties. The couple might have been in love, or maybe they just felt it was the next step in life. But for whatever reason, the marriage doesn’t last, and both people move on—sometimes with the attitude that it was just a learning experience.

In our culture, the idea of a starter marriage has become almost trendy. Some people see it as a way to “get their feet wet” in adult relationships, to learn about themselves, or to figure out what they really want in a partner. There are even books and articles that glamorize the idea, suggesting that it’s normal, even healthy, to have a short first marriage before settling down for good.

Why Are Starter Marriages So Common?

There are a few reasons why starter marriages have become more common in recent decades. For one, our culture puts a lot of pressure on young people to pair up and get married, sometimes before they’re really ready. There’s also a lot of emphasis on the wedding itself—the dress, the party, the photos—rather than on the lifelong commitment that marriage is supposed to be.

Another factor is the fear of being alone. Some people rush into marriage because they’re afraid of being single, or because they think marriage will solve their problems. Others might feel pressure from family or friends, or they might just want to check “get married” off their life to-do list.

And let’s be honest: we live in a world that doesn’t always take commitment seriously. Divorce is common, and the idea of “forever” can seem old-fashioned or unrealistic. So, when a marriage doesn’t work out, it’s easy to chalk it up to experience and move on.

The Problem with the “Practice Run” Mentality

Here’s where things get tricky from a Christian perspective. Marriage isn’t supposed to be a practice run. It’s not something you try on for size and toss aside if it doesn’t fit. The Bible is clear that marriage is a covenant—a sacred promise—between a man and a woman, and also with God Himself.

When we treat marriage like a starter home, we miss the point entirely. God designed marriage to be a lifelong union, a relationship that reflects His love and faithfulness. It’s meant to be a place where two people grow together, support each other, and become more like Christ. It’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not always fun, but it’s worth fighting for.

What Does the Bible Say?

The Bible has a lot to say about marriage, and none of it suggests that it’s meant to be temporary. In Genesis, God creates Eve for Adam and says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Jesus repeats this in the Gospels, emphasizing that what God has joined together, no one should separate (Matthew 19:6).

Marriage is described as a covenant, not just a contract. It’s a promise to love, honor, and cherish each other for life. The prophet Malachi even says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), not because He wants people to be miserable, but because He knows the pain and brokenness that come from breaking that covenant.

The Impact of Starter Marriages

So what happens when we treat marriage as a starter project? For one thing, it can lead to a lot of hurt—both for the people involved and for those around them. Even if there are no children, divorce leaves scars. It can make it harder to trust, to commit, or to believe in the possibility of a lasting relationship.

There’s also the risk of developing a pattern. If you go into marriage thinking it’s okay to leave if things get tough, you’re more likely to do just that. And the more times you walk away, the easier it becomes. That’s not the kind of resilience or faithfulness God wants for us.

Why Commitment Matters

Commitment is at the heart of Christian marriage. It’s not about finding the perfect person or having a fairy-tale romance. It’s about choosing to love, day after day, even when it’s hard. It’s about sticking together through sickness and health, for better or worse, richer or poorer.

When we make that kind of commitment, we reflect God’s love for us. He doesn’t give up on us when we mess up. He doesn’t walk away when things get hard. He loves us with an everlasting love, and He calls us to do the same for our spouses.

The Role of Faith in Marriage

Faith is the glue that holds a marriage together. When both partners are committed to following Christ, they have a foundation that can withstand the storms of life. Prayer, forgiveness, and grace become part of the daily routine. Couples learn to lean on God and on each other, growing stronger through every challenge.

Christian marriage isn’t just about two people—it’s about three: husband, wife, and God. When God is at the center, marriage becomes a place of growth, healing, and transformation.

What About Divorce?

Let’s be real: not every marriage lasts, even among Christians. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things fall apart. The Bible does allow for divorce in certain situations, such as infidelity or abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (Matthew 19:9, 1 Corinthians 7:15). But even then, divorce is never the goal. God’s heart is always for reconciliation, forgiveness, and restoration whenever possible.

If you’ve been through a starter marriage, know this: God’s grace is bigger than your past. He can heal, restore, and give you a fresh start. But don’t let the world’s casual attitude toward marriage shape your view. Instead, let God’s Word guide you as you move forward.

How Can We Prepare for a Lasting Marriage?

If you’re single or dating, don’t rush into marriage just because it seems like the next step. Take time to get to know yourself and your partner. Seek wise counsel from older, godly couples. Go through premarital counseling with a Christian counselor or pastor. Talk openly about your faith, your values, your goals, and your expectations for marriage.

Ask yourself: Are you both committed to following Christ? Are you willing to work through conflict, forgive, and grow together? Are you ready to put your spouse’s needs above your own? These are the questions that matter far more than whether you have the perfect wedding or the right Instagram photos.

Building a Marriage That Lasts

Here are a few practical tips for building a marriage that stands the test of time:

  • Put God first. Make your relationship with Christ the foundation of your marriage.

  • Pray together. Prayer brings you closer to God and to each other.

  • Communicate honestly. Talk about your hopes, fears, and struggles.

  • Forgive quickly. Don’t let bitterness take root.

  • Serve each other. Look for ways to bless your spouse every day.

  • Seek help when needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for counseling or support.

A Word to Parents and the Church

If you’re a parent, teach your children early on that marriage is a sacred covenant, not a casual commitment. Model faithfulness in your own marriage. Talk openly about the challenges and joys of married life. Encourage your kids to seek God’s will in their relationships and to wait for His timing.

As a church, let’s support couples at every stage—dating, engaged, newlywed, or struggling. Let’s offer premarital counseling, marriage enrichment classes, and a community where couples can be honest about their struggles. Let’s celebrate lasting marriages and offer grace to those who have experienced divorce.

Final Thoughts

The idea of a starter marriage might sound harmless, even practical, in today’s world. But from a Christian perspective, it misses the heart of what marriage is all about. Marriage isn’t a practice run or a stepping stone to something better. It’s a sacred covenant, a lifelong journey, and a reflection of God’s love for us.

If you’re thinking about marriage, take it seriously. Pray, seek counsel, and make sure you’re ready to commit for life. If you’ve been through a starter marriage, know that God’s grace is enough to heal and restore. And wherever you are on the journey, remember: God’s design for marriage is good, beautiful, and worth pursuing with all your heart.