Every marriage has its ups and downs, and everyone falls short at times. This self-assessment is designed to help you honestly reflect on your attitudes and behaviors as a spouse. Remember, this is not a diagnostic tool but a way to prompt self-awareness and growth. Approach each question prayerfully and honestly, seeking insight rather than judgment. Your answers can help you identify areas where you are doing well and areas where you might want to grow, all through a biblical lens of grace and truth.

For each statement, rate yourself as follows:
1 = Never, 2 = Rarely, 3 = Sometimes, 4 = Often, 5 = Always

Test Items

  1. I listen to my spouse without interrupting.

  2. I express appreciation for my spouse’s efforts.

  3. I apologize when I am wrong.

  4. I forgive my spouse when they apologize.

  5. I spend quality time with my spouse regularly.

  6. I pray for my spouse.

  7. I avoid criticizing my spouse in front of others.

  8. I support my spouse’s dreams and goals.

  9. I communicate my needs respectfully.

  10. I admit when I am at fault.

  11. I am patient with my spouse’s weaknesses.

  12. I show affection to my spouse.

  13. I make time for meaningful conversations.

  14. I avoid bringing up past mistakes during arguments.

  15. I respect my spouse’s opinions, even when I disagree.

  16. I am willing to compromise.

  17. I seek to resolve conflicts peacefully.

  18. I avoid sarcasm or belittling remarks.

  19. I am faithful in thought and action.

  20. I help with household responsibilities.

  21. I encourage my spouse spiritually.

  22. I am honest, even when it’s hard.

  23. I avoid keeping secrets from my spouse.

  24. I make my spouse feel valued.

  25. I am quick to listen and slow to speak.

  26. I avoid comparing my spouse to others.

  27. I support my spouse during tough times.

  28. I am generous with my time and resources.

  29. I admit when I need help.

  30. I avoid blaming my spouse for my problems.

  31. I express gratitude for my spouse.

  32. I am willing to seek counseling or help when needed.

  33. I avoid using the silent treatment.

  34. I celebrate my spouse’s successes.

  35. I respect my spouse’s boundaries.

  36. I am consistent in my commitment to our marriage.

  37. I avoid making threats during disagreements.

  38. I seek to grow as a spouse.

  39. I am attentive to my spouse’s emotional needs.

  40. I remember that marriage is a partnership, not a competition.

Scoring Key

  • Step 1: Add up your scores for all 40 questions.

  • Step 2: See where your total falls in the ranges below.

40–79:
There are significant areas for growth. Don’t be discouraged—recognizing your struggles is the first step toward change. Consider seeking wise counsel, prayer, and practical steps to love your spouse better.

80–119:
You have some strengths, but also some patterns that may be hurting your marriage. Reflect on the items you rated lowest and consider how you can improve. Small changes can make a big difference.

120–159:
You are doing many things well, but there’s always room to grow. Focus on your lower-scoring areas and keep nurturing your marriage with intentionality and grace.

160–200:
You are a strong, supportive spouse in many ways. Keep up the good work, stay humble, and continue seeking God’s help to love your spouse as Christ loves the church.

Remember:
No one is a perfect spouse. This test is meant to encourage reflection, not condemnation. God’s grace is available for every area of weakness, and with His help, every marriage can grow stronger.