There’s a word floating around today that your grandparents never used, but most young adults know all too well: situationship. If you’re scratching your head, here’s the basic idea—a situationship is what happens when two people slide into a “more than friends, less than dating” zone. There are feelings, texting, maybe some romance, maybe even physical intimacy, but there’s no official label or commitment. Everything is left purposely fuzzy. No one wants to define what’s really going on.

If you find yourself in a situationship—or you care about someone who’s stuck in one—you already know it’s a strange, often stressful place to land. There are late nights spent wondering, “What is this, really?” or, “Am I the only one hoping for more?” The hopes are real. The confusion is real, too.

From a Christian perspective, situationships are a pretty modern problem, but the heart issues underneath are as old as time. Let’s unpack this together. Why do people drift into situationships? Why do they often leave us hurt or anxious? More importantly, what does God have to say about it all?

Why Are Situationships Everywhere?

Let’s name the reasons upfront. In a culture scared of hard conversations and commitments, it’s easy for two people to “just go with the flow,” especially if they like each other but don’t want to rock the boat. Friendship gets blurry. Romance fizzles in and out. No one risks rejection by asking where things stand or saying what they want.

It can start harmless: a guy and a girl start texting all the time, sharing everything, going out “as friends.” Maybe they hang out in groups, or maybe alone. Over time, there’s hand-holding or cuddling but no defining talk. Days turn into weeks, and weeks into months. Both are wary of labels—what if it messes things up? What if the other isn’t ready? So it’s easier to say nothing and keep things light.

Make no mistake, though. Ambiguity isn’t neutral. It’s its own decision. Staying silent sometimes feels safer than asking for clarity and getting an answer we don’t want to hear. But in the meantime, hearts get tangled, expectations grow, and someone (sometimes both) starts to feel vulnerable and unsettled.

Behind the Fear of Commitment

What’s fueling this trend? Fear, mostly. Fear of missing out, fear of moving too fast, fear of heartbreak, fear of making the wrong choice. Internet culture magnifies it—there’s always someone else to swipe for or another “almost relationship” around the corner. Why pick one person and put your heart on the line? Why risk being the one who “wants more” and hear, “Let’s not ruin what we have”?

There’s also the myth of “keeping things easy.” If there’s no label, then (in theory) there’s nothing to lose. If things go sideways, you weren’t “really dating” anyway, right? But real-life emotions don’t play by those rules. Whether or not you define the relationship, your heart knows when it’s getting attached.

Ambiguity Breeds Anxiety

Here’s what people in situationships will tell you, if they’re honest: the confusion starts to wear them out. They find themselves over-analyzing texts, rereading conversations, hunting for clues about how the other feels. There’s a sense of walking on eggshells—afraid to say the wrong thing or come across as “too much.” Maybe one person is ready to get serious, but fears pushing the other away. Or maybe both are shy about admitting they actually want to be more.

And this constant uncertainty robs peace. God made us for honest connection, not mind games and guesswork. He wired us to desire love that is safe, open, and committed—not a perpetual audition for someone who still won’t call us “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”

What’s Missing When There’s No Definition?

A big part of love is choosing. In a healthy relationship, both people step out and name what’s happening. They say, “You matter to me. I want to invest in you. I’m not looking for options—I’m choosing you.” When you skip that moment, something important is missing.

Without clarity, there’s no real trust. Without trust, there’s no real security. Without security, it’s hard for real intimacy—emotional, spiritual, or physical—to develop without someone getting hurt. Most importantly, without definition, there’s no agreed-upon commitment to protect the relationship from drift or outside interference.

And, let’s be honest—when no one’s willing to speak up and define things, it can be a way of keeping the escape hatch open. It’s easier to jump ship if you never promised anything in the first place.

What Does God’s Word Say About Love and Clarity?

There’s no verse in the Bible about “situationships.” But Scripture gives us a ton of wisdom about how love works best. God isn’t a fan of ambiguity in relationships. Jesus said, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Paul urged the early church, “Speak the truth in love.” These aren’t just abstractions—they’re guidelines for how to treat others with respect and consideration.

Proverbs says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” In situationships, someone’s hope is almost always deferred. When one (or both) people avoid the risk of talking honestly, the result is confusion, longing, and sometimes deep hurt.

God also values commitment—making and keeping promises. The whole story of Jesus and His people is about a covenant: a promise made, a relationship defined and safeguarded by God’s love. That’s the gold standard all human relationships are meant to echo—even ones before marriage.

The Cost of Staying “Undefined”

So what happens when couples hang out in no man’s land? At first, it can feel thrilling—no labels, no pressure! But after a while, these are some common side-effects:

  • Emotional exhaustion—constantly guessing, overthinking, doubting your own worth.

  • Delayed growth—nobody’s working through the hard stuff that actually grows a relationship. Everything stays surface-level.

  • Unfair expectations—one person often wants more, but feels guilty or pushy for asking.

  • Difficulty moving on—it’s hard to date someone else or pursue the future God has if your heart is stuck waiting for someone to finally choose you.

And in the attempt to protect yourself, you might actually keep out the real, lasting love you long for. It’s hard to run after God’s plans when you’re stuck in neutral, afraid to say yes or no, so you just say nothing.

Bringing Christ into the Conversation

Here’s the good news: Jesus never leaves us anxious, confused, or in the dark about His love. His example is clarity, commitment, and sacrificial care. If you belong to Christ, you don’t have to settle for half-hearted connections or perpetual ambiguity.

If you’re in a situationship right now, or even flirting with one, here’s some practical, faith-based advice:

  1. Get Honest—with Yourself and Each Other.
    What do you really want? Are you hoping for more, or stalling because it feels safer? Take time in prayer to ask God for clarity in your own heart before trying to figure someone else out.

  2. Have the “Define the Relationship” Talk.
    Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, it’s scary. But ignoring it isn’t noble—it just prolongs the discomfort. Speak honestly and kindly: “I really enjoy spending time with you. Where do you see this going? What are you looking for?” If your faith is important, say so.

  3. Respect the Answer, Even if You Don’t Like It.
    If the other person isn’t ready to commit or doesn’t want a real relationship, that’s painful but valuable information. It’s better to know early and move toward what God has next.

  4. Re-center on Christ’s Love.
    Your worth is not found in someone’s indecision. No matter what happens, Jesus calls you “chosen,” “beloved,” and “His.” Let His love fill the ache that a fuzzy relationship leaves behind.

  5. Set Clear Boundaries.
    Don’t let yourself drift into situations where your heart (or your body) is at risk without mutual commitment. Guard your heart, as Scripture says, because everything you do flows from it.

  6. Seek Wise Counsel.
    If you’re struggling to untangle your own feelings, talk to a trusted Christian friend, mentor, or counselor. Often, someone outside the swirl can help you see clearly.

Real Love Is Worth the Risk

Here’s the truth: “Keeping it undefined” might seem less scary, but it’s not safe. Real love involves real risk and honest talk. It’s okay to want clarity. It’s okay to hope for more. If someone can’t define where you stand together, it might mean they’re not ready for what your heart is ready for—or that God has something better around the corner.

Don’t let fear, loneliness, or people-pleasing make you settle for half-measures when it comes to your heart. God designed you for relationships that are safe, clear, and anchored in mutual respect—not endless ambiguity. You don’t have to be afraid of labels or commitment if you’re seeking God’s best.

A Better Way Forward

In a world hooked on situationships, let’s be a people who value clarity, courage, and Christlike love. Let’s have honest talks, even when it’s uncomfortable. Let’s wait on relationships where both people are all-in, not just “seeing where it goes.” Above all, let’s trust God to write stories filled with real joy, not just momentary thrills.

You were made for more than a situationship. You were made for love that’s clear, courageous, and Christ-centered. And if you find yourself lost in the in-between right now, know that God can lead you through—even out of—confusion, into the kind of relationship that honors Him and blesses you for the long haul.