We’ve all heard the stories, watched the movies, and hummed the songs: two people lock eyes across a crowded room, feel a spark, and are swept off their feet in a whirlwind of magical emotions. This idea—often called “falling in love”—is everywhere in our culture. You’re told that if it’s true love, it should hit you right away, turn your world upside-down, and make you feel like you’ve finally met “the one.” If you’re not head-over-heels by the second date, maybe you’ve missed your soulmate.

But here’s the problem: that version of love is mostly a myth. And believing the myth can actually mess up your chances of finding real, lasting happiness with someone. If you’re a Christian single (or even a married person still waiting for sparks), it’s important to know the difference between Hollywood romance and the steady, meaningful love God has in mind for you.

How Did We Get Here? The “Lightning Strike” Lie

From the time we’re young, fairy tales and pop culture tell us love is a magical, irresistible feeling that arrives like a freight train. We hear stories of people who “knew” in an instant, who couldn’t live without each other, and who ride off into the sunset forever. Social media—full of highlight reels and gushing “we just clicked!” captions—takes this myth and turns up the volume. It’s no wonder we start thinking that if we don’t get zapped with fireworks immediately, something’s wrong.

It’s not just the movies. Well-meaning friends sometimes say things like “You’ll just know!” or “When it’s right, it’ll be easy.” We start expecting love to feel like destiny, like being struck by lightning with “the one.” If it doesn’t happen, frustration creeps in. “Am I broken? Will it ever happen for me? Am I settling if I don’t feel that butterflies-in-my-stomach high?”

But here’s the truth. The initial emotional high might be fun and memorable, but it’s simply not built to last.

Why “Falling in Love” Fades

Let’s get real—romantic feelings are powerful, but they’re also temporary. Scientists say that “falling in love” triggers a whole cocktail of chemicals in the brain: dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin. You can feel breathless, obsessed, and giddy. Everything feels new and electrifying. But no one can stay in that state forever. Real life hits: work stress, family drama, chores, misunderstandings. The body and brain calm down after a while, and the excitement fades.

What then? A lot of people, raised on the myth, start to panic. “Where did the magic go? Have I fallen out of love? Maybe we weren’t right for each other after all.” Some jump ship, chasing that high again. Others settle into boredom or disappointment, thinking maybe real love just isn’t in the cards.

But here’s where something much better—if quieter—can begin.

Love Is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling

The Bible gives us a radically different picture of love. 1 Corinthians 13 doesn’t say love is wild, uncontrollable feelings. It says love is patient and kind. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love endures, believes, and hopes. These aren’t just emotions—they’re choices, attitudes, daily actions.

Godly love isn’t accidental. Nobody “falls” into patience or forgiveness or passion that lasts for decades. Instead, you build it—day by day, little by little.

Choosing your spouse when things aren’t magical, forgiving when you’re hurt, serving when you’d rather sulk, seeking understanding after a fight—that’s where deep love grows roots. It’s less about luck and lightning, and more about steady commitment and grace.

Butterflies vs. Builders

Let’s pause here. Butterflies—the excitement, the spark, the breathless anticipation—are not bad. They’re just not the whole story. They’re like the shiny gift bag at your birthday, not the actual present inside. If you only look for butterflies, you’ll keep tearing through new wrappers, never fully unwrapping the priceless treasure of real partnership.

Builders, on the other hand, know something profound: the best relationships start with small choices—conversation, laughter, honest apologies, and shared dreams. They put in the time. They let God shape their hearts. Sometimes the butterflies show up again after years—not from a new crush, but from old love that’s grown deeper through endurance, service, and sacrifice.

How the Myth Sets People Up for Disappointment

If you believe in “falling in love” as the all-important test, here’s what can happen:

  • You bounce from person to person, waiting for a magical feeling, never sticking around long enough to build something real.

  • You give up on a great relationship because the fireworks died down, not realizing this is normal and an opportunity for something deeper.

  • You chase the “honeymoon” stage endlessly, feeling let down by people who don’t keep you on a high.

  • You feel like a failure or unlovable if dating is awkward, slow, or simply grounded—when in fact, that might just be how most lasting relationships begin.

Worse still, you might judge a potential spouse by the wrong criteria. Instead of looking for faith, character, kindness, and humility—qualities God celebrates—you’re fixated on instant chemistry or drama.

What Does the Bible Say?

Take a look at how Scripture describes love—not once does it call it a lightning bolt, or say “follow your heart wherever it leads.” God calls us to agape love: sacrificial, serving, steady, always choosing the good of the other.

Ruth and Boaz didn’t fall into each other’s arms—they built trust through loyalty and character. Mary and Joseph’s story isn’t about sparks, but about courage, faith, and obedience through trials. Even the greatest example, Christ’s love for His church, is about lay-it-all-down-for-the-other sacrifice—a love that continues, even on the hardest days.

This doesn’t mean love is supposed to be boring or devoid of romance. It simply means that the most significant, satisfying love is not something you accidentally stumble into; it’s something you invest in and nurture daily, by God’s grace.

Building Real Love: Practical Steps

If you’re tired of chasing the falling-in-love myth, here are practical ways to build a different kind of love story:

  1. Redefine Success
    A successful relationship isn’t built on thrill after thrill, but on depth, forgiveness, teamwork, and faith. Look for habits—not just how you feel.

  2. Slow Down
    Take time to truly know someone’s heart, history, and habits. Chemistry matters, but so does compatibility, character, and faith.

  3. Be Honest About Expectations
    Talk about what love means to both of you. Are you both chasing temporary excitement or willing to invest long-term?

  4. Prioritize Christ at the Center
    Pray for each other, encourage each other’s faith, and serve together. When your foundation is God’s love, you can weather every storm life brings.

  5. Celebrate the Ordinary
    Learn to find joy in the everyday—a shared dinner, a small laugh, fixing something together, praying when frustrated. That’s where true romance is built.

  6. Refuse to Compare
    Real love doesn’t look like Instagram. Each story is unique, and the best chapters come from perseverance, not perfection.

  7. Commit for the Long Haul
    Decide up front that there will be hard days, dry spells, and disappointments. Promise to grow together, not give up when the spark fades.

For Married Couples Still Waiting for Sparks

If you’re married and wondering where the butterflies went—don’t panic. You aren’t alone, and you aren’t doing it wrong. Instead, lean into rebuilding and refreshing your connection. Pursue each other again. Revisit Prayer, quality conversation, acts of service, fun adventures. Invite God to renew your passion and gratitude.

And if you need help, ask for it. There’s no shame in seeking wise counsel or support in learning how to deepen your love.

The Good News: Love That Lasts Is Possible

Don’t buy the myth that lasting love requires an endless emotional high. The most enduring couples will tell you their real story is full of highs and lows, lost tempers and laughter, temptations and victories. But what holds them together isn’t a feeling; it’s a covenant, a thousand small choices to forgive, serve, laugh, and try again.

Falling in love is exhilarating. But building love—bit by bit, under the guidance of Christ—is far more beautiful. Don’t chase the myth. Pursue the real story God’s writing in your life.

Because when the lightning fades and the butterflies rest, what remains is a love that endures every season—and that, friend, is the best part of all.