It’s called “walking away,” and if you’ve spent any time talking to young men—or counseling them—you know it’s a real, growing phenomenon. More guys than ever before are stepping back from dating and marriage, or just not showing up in the first place. They’re not all taking vows of singleness or joining a monastery. Most aren’t declaring war on women, relationships, or romance. They’re just… opting out.
Sound dramatic? The numbers back it up. Nearly 60% of men under 30 in America are now single, and a huge portion report little to no romantic or sexual activity. The number of 25-year-old men who have ever married? Less than one in four—the lowest in recorded modern history. The age at first marriage keeps ticking upward, and many expect never to marry at all. What’s behind this quiet exodus, and what’s a biblical counselor—or anyone invested in men’s futures—to make of it?
Let’s break down what’s driving the trend, how it impacts men and society, and what hope the Christian message offers to a generation considering permanent singleness—but maybe not for reasons God would endorse.
A Cultural Sea Change
Not long ago, getting married in your twenties was as American as baseball, barbecues, and Sunday church. Young men grew up told they’d one day find “the one,” build a home, and maybe raise a family. That story may still be told, but fewer are buying it. Today, the idea of marriage as a necessary, or even attractive, part of a young man’s life is up for grabs.
Why the retreat? Culture, economics, personal stories—they’re all in the mix. Some men watched their parents’ marriages collapse and don’t want to repeat the pain. Some find dating too discouraging, too confusing, or just not worth it. Many are simply unconvinced that the costs of commitment—financial, emotional, and legal—are worth the benefits anymore.
Modern Dating: A Frustrating Landscape
The dating world isn’t just different, it’s a minefield. Online apps promise endless choice but mostly deliver rejection and superficiality, especially for ordinary guys. Women, empowered and rightly insisting on higher standards, set the relational bar high. The result? A small percentage of “top-tier” men get the attention, while many others go unnoticed or are left discouraged.
Young men are reporting what researchers call “romantic burnout.” After repeated rejection or lack of success, some simply check out, telling themselves they’re better off alone than stressed and humiliated by a game they never seem to win. It’s easier to pour energy into gaming, hobbies, online communities, or work than to risk more hit-or-miss attempts at love.
Economic and Practical Pressures
Money matters, and so does stability. More young adults live with their parents than at any point in the past century. Student loan debt is sky-high, good jobs are harder to find, and financial independence feels out of reach for many young men. Marriage—and the responsibility of family—used to be a way to “grow up.” Now it looks to some like a luxury, or even a trap.
Add to this the fear of divorce—fueled by America’s high rate of failed marriages and horror stories about painful custody battles or financial loss—and it’s not hard to see why some men hesitate. The “what ifs” loom large: What if she leaves and takes everything? What if I can’t measure up? What if I’m doomed to repeat my parents’ mistakes?
Changing Social Narratives
For generations, men were told they were supposed to lead, provide, and protect. But in today’s well-meaning quest for equality, those masculine virtues are sometimes painted as outdated or even dangerous. Some men, unsure of what it means to be a good man in an age questioning all the old rules, just decide it’s easier to avoid the whole business.
Meanwhile, the social and religious pressure to “settle down” has all but vanished. Where a young man might once have felt nudged (or even shamed) by church, family, or friends into marriage, now he may hear, “Take your time, focus on yourself,” or nothing at all.
What Does the Bible Say About All This?
Let’s be clear: singleness is not a sin. Jesus Himself was single, so was Paul. The Bible holds up both marriage and singleness as good paths—each with spiritual purpose and dignity. But biblical singleness is almost always characterized by a sense of call, mission, or ministry, not just a shrugging avoidance of relationships because love feels too risky or demanding.
God’s design for men is not ticking off a list of “must-dos,” but it does include the call to engage, not disengage; to serve, not spectate; to take risks in relationships, not shrink from them in fear or frustration. Scripture casts marriage as honorable and beautiful, a mystery and a means by which two people reflect God’s love and creativity.
Walking away from that—without clear calling or purpose—isn’t just missing marriage. It may be missing out on deep spiritual growth, on learning to love sacrificially, and on stepping into the forge where character is formed. It may mean missing out on some of the best God has for you, even with all the mess and risk that comes with relationships.
The Emotional Toll of Isolation
Many young men who walk away from dating and marriage say they’re happy solo. Some really are. But research, and honest conversations, tell another story for many: loneliness, rising rates of depression, and the quiet ache of lives filled with achievement but short on connection.
Technology and virtual worlds offer distraction, but not the fulfillment or sharpening that real, messy relationships bring. God said it’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). That wasn’t just about romance, but community itself—and especially about the kind of bonding where, through loving and serving another, a man learns to be more than himself.
The Church’s Role: Facing Reality with Compassion and Truth
For pastors, parents, and Christian counselors, the challenge is two-fold. First, we need to listen—to really hear the discouragement and confusion many young men feel. Shaming or nagging won’t call them back to commitment or courage. Second, we need to cast a better, truer vision for what relationships and marriage mean through God’s eyes.
Men need to know that the problem isn’t being “not enough,” and it’s not solved by going it alone. They need models of healthy, Christlike manhood—men who risk, serve, and sacrifice; men whose strength is rooted in humility, whose leadership begins with listening, and whose courage is measured by faithfulness, not bravado.
Churches that are full of complaining about the “decline of men” miss the chance to mentor, walk alongside, and encourage risk-taking in relationships. We need to make space for honest conversations about the fears—real and imagined—that drive men to walk away.
A Call to Young Men: Don’t Walk Alone
To any young man reading this: if you’re thinking about sitting out the game, ask yourself why. Is it fear, fatigue, or just rebellion against the cultural noise? If you sense God calling you to singleness for a purpose, embrace it fully—invest in service, brotherhood, and growth. But if you’re just afraid, discouraged, or bored, don’t let that be the story of your life.
God calls men to courage—not just on the battlefield, but in the messy work of relationships. That means risking rejection, learning humility, apologizing when wrong, and leaning into faith when the future is unclear. Love—real, biblical love—is always risky, always stretching, always worth it.
To Parents and Mentors: Call Forth Courage
Don’t just criticize the new landscape. Get in the trenches with the young men in your life. Show them what faithfulness looks like. Talk them through disappointments and fears. Remind them regularly that God made them with purpose and that risk and self-giving love are still worth pursuing.
To the Church: Celebrate Men Who Step Up
Honor young men who take small steps toward maturity, commitment, and love. Encourage them—not just to marry for marriage’s sake, but to become men who can offer strength, protection, and faithfulness. Let church be the place where men walk toward, not away from, community, healthy relationships, and sacrificial love.
The Challenge and the Hope
We are living in a time of uncertainty and shifting values, but God’s Word still speaks with clarity. Young men are, yes, walking away—from relationships, from marriage, from risk and responsibility. But that’s not the end of the story. The church, Christian families, and communities have a chance to call them back, not just to marriage, but to the kind of purposeful living that only comes with stepping out in courage and faith.
To walk away for a season may be normal. But to make it your destination? That’s a lonely place—and not the one most men truly hope for.
So here’s the invitation: don’t walk away. Walk toward God’s purpose. Take the risk. Love deeply. Serve sacrificially. And discover, one brave step at a time, the better story God is still writing for men—who are willing to enter the arena, even when it costs them everything.