Walk into any coffee shop, church fellowship hall, or parent-teacher night, and ask, “How are the young men doing?” You’re likely to get a mix of worried sighs, stories of struggle, and, if folks are honest, a sense that something’s just off. Across the country, there’s a growing realization that, in many key measures, men—especially young men—are falling behind. Not just a little. In education, work, relationships, and mental health, the setbacks are real and the stories heartbreaking. But what does this really mean? What’s driving it? And—most importantly—how can we respond, as followers of Christ, with wisdom and compassion?

What “Falling Behind” Means Today

“Falling behind” isn’t just one thing. It’s a phrase people use to describe a stack of struggles facing men and boys in 2025. Take a look at the statistics: boys start out behind in school readiness by kindergarten, lag in reading and graduation rates, and are less likely than girls to enroll in or finish college. Once out of school, young men are more likely to be searching for steady work, and even a college degree doesn’t guarantee a job like it once did. Men die “deaths of despair”—suicide, drug overdose, alcoholism—at three to four times the rate of women. Relationships aren’t offering the support they once did, either; isolation, confusion, and delayed milestones like marriage and parenthood are growing more common.

If you’re a parent, teacher, pastor, or counselor, some of these realities probably show up in the lives around you. Heartbreakingly, many of the young men in our churches, neighborhoods, and families describe feeling lost, invisible, or “left behind.” This isn’t about blaming men—it’s about understanding complex challenges and asking how we can help.

Education: Boys Start Behind and Struggle to Catch Up

Let’s start with school. By kindergarten, boys are already at a disadvantage in emotional regulation and basic academic skills. As teachers focus more on sitting still and verbal tasks, girls tend to flourish while boys are labeled as restless or troublemakers. By the time graduation rolls around, boys are less likely to earn a diploma, and those who do are less likely to head to college than their female classmates.

Even in college, the news isn’t good: women make up nearly 60% of students. The reasons are layered—some say schools favor the learning styles and behaviors more common among girls, while others point to deeper developmental differences. Regardless, the result is that more and more young men look at school as something that isn’t for them, worsening their chances of finding purpose and meaningful work down the line.

Work: Job Market Realities Collide with Old Expectations

Remember when a high school diploma and a good work ethic could land a man a stable job with room to grow? Those days are mostly gone. Manufacturing, trades, and other male-dominated fields have shrunk or automated. The fastest-growing sectors—health care, education, and customer service—are largely staffed by women. Even with a degree, young men face a tough job market, competing for fewer positions and coping with layoffs and shifting economic winds. According to the latest data, the unemployment rate for young men—even with a bachelor’s degree—has jumped significantly since 2020, while many men are underemployed or discouraged from looking for work at all.

Here’s the hard part: for generations, boys grew up with the expectation that their worth would be measured by their ability to provide. When the world changes faster than those cultural values, anxiety follows—sometimes turning to hopelessness. Many men have a hard time seeing a positive future or their own place in it.

Relationship Challenges: Loneliness, Disconnection, and Changing Roles

This brings up another dimension: relationships. Young men today are more likely than ever to be single, living with their parents, or isolated from meaningful friendships. Social media connects us at a surface level but can deepen a sense of comparison, inadequacy, and envy. Many men admit they feel unknown or misunderstood—lacking both deep friendships and intimacy.

The rise in loneliness isn’t just a social problem—it’s a spiritual one, too. God made us for relationship, both with Him and with others. When men retreat into isolation (sometimes numbing their pain with screens or substances), the consequences spill over into every area of life, from work to family to church.

Mental Health: Despair, “Deaths of Despair,” and Reluctance to Seek Help

Men are in crisis when it comes to mental health. The rates of suicide, addiction, and untreated depression among young men are staggering—and rising. Yet men are much less likely than women to seek help. Christian men, in particular, may wrestle with the pressure to “just tough it out,” leaving them feeling even more alone.

Society’s cultural norms play a part: traditional masculinity often teaches men to be self-reliant, stoic, and emotionally reserved. While strength and resilience are good, being cut off from honest emotion and help-seeking can be deadly. In a fallen world, it’s all the more vital to build open, grace-filled spaces—at home, in church, in counseling—where men can be vulnerable and find hope.

Shifting Roles and Identity Confusion

Let’s talk about identity. For decades, the push for gender equality (rightly) expanded opportunities for women; as a result, girls are thriving in many new spaces. But for many boys and young men, the old “provider and protector” script has worn thin, and there isn’t always a healthy new one to take its place. As the “rules” shift, young men can feel stuck between expectations: be sensitive, but not too weak; tough, but not toxic.

Many guys describe being unsure what it means to be a man at all. They ask, “What value do I bring to my family, my church, or the world?” In some circles, talking about manhood is met with suspicion or is even dismissed as unnecessary. Yet ignoring these questions leaves young men floundering and vulnerable to unhealthy online voices and extremes.

The Role of American Culture

While every man’s story is unique, there are broad currents at work in the wider culture. As vocational, educational, and relational pathways have narrowed for men, the rise of the internet has amplified anxiety, anger, and even extremism among those feeling left out. Narratives about “toxic masculinity,” cancel culture, or being “obsolete” can make men defensive or withdrawn. At the same time, many men crave clear direction and a sense of purpose—but don’t know where to find either.

Biblical Foundations: What Does Scripture Say?

From a Christian perspective, these trends beg for a return to biblical truth about manhood—truth that honors both strength and gentleness, conviction and compassion. Scripture doesn’t call men to domineer or retreat but to lead with sacrificial love, humility, and obedience to Christ (Ephesians 5:25; Micah 6:8).

The Bible is full of men who struggled, doubted, wept, and wrestled—and who were met by God’s grace. Moses was overwhelmed by leadership. David battled temptation and despair. Elijah, exhausted and lonely, cried out for God to take his life, but found hope in God’s gentle voice. Jesus Himself, the ultimate picture of manhood, was both courageous and tender, powerful and deeply relational.

At its best, Christian community supports men by helping them ground their identity in Christ, rather than performance or cultural approval (Galatians 2:20; Romans 8:1). It invites men to honest fellowship, purposeful work, and loving service—restoring what’s been lost in our broken world.

What Can Be Done? Hope and Help for Men

So, what’s next? How can churches, families, and individuals respond to the crisis of men falling behind?

  • Acknowledge the Hurt: Don’t dismiss or shame men and boys for struggling. The pain is real, and it matters to God.

  • Champion Healthy Masculinity: Teach that biblical manhood is not about domination, but about responsibility, integrity, sacrifice, courage, and compassion.

  • Encourage Emotional Honesty: Create environments where men can talk about fear, failure, and hopes—without judgment.

  • Mentor and Walk with Men: Every young man needs older men who model Christlike living, faith, and resilience.

  • Promote Purpose and Calling: Help men see that their worth is not in performance, but in being loved and called by God. Highlight opportunities to serve, lead, and build up others—in families, workplaces, and the church.

  • Support Mental Health: Normalize seeking professional and spiritual help. Churches and Christian counselors can be safe places for honest conversation and healing.

Why Closing the Gap Matters—for Everyone

When men fall behind, the impact ripples out: family breakdown, fatherlessness, church disengagement, increased violence, and societal instability often follow. The health of the entire community depends on the flourishing of all its members—including its men.

This isn’t a zero-sum game. Supporting boys and men doesn’t take away from women’s progress. Instead, it’s about ensuring that sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers can become all God designed them to be. Strong, godly men fuel strong, godly families and churches.

A Call for Grace and Renewal

American men are facing a genuine crisis—a storm of shifting expectations, lost opportunities, and aching loneliness. It’s tempting to critique, judge, or ignore. But Christ’s invitation is always to come alongside, to restore, to speak truth in love. As followers of Jesus, we’re called not to abandonment, but to adoption; not to hardness, but to hope.

Let’s pray for our men. Let’s see them with compassion, root them in truth, and walk with them toward wholeness in Christ. The road won’t always be easy, but in God’s strength and wisdom, renewal is possible—not just for men, but for us al