If you’ve been married for a while, you know there’s more to keeping love alive than what Hollywood romance movies show. It’s not all candlelit dinners, grand gestures, or butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Married love—the real thing—thrives not in dramatic moments, but in the quiet, daily decisions two people make to turn toward each other, over and over, no matter what life brings. For Christian couples, this journey isn’t just about staying together; it’s about reflecting God’s deep, lasting love in the nitty-gritty of everyday life.
Love Isn’t an Accident—It’s a Choice
Most couples start out thinking love is automatic. “Falling” in love feels effortless. But ask any couple that’s gone the distance, and you’ll hear a very different truth: keeping love alive can be hard work. The good news? It’s sacred work too. God designed marriage as a covenant, not just a contract. It’s a daily choice to love, even when you’re tired, irritated, or facing something tough.
So what does it look like, in real life, to intentionally nurture love year after year? The answer is surprisingly down-to-earth, and it rarely involves a luxury vacation or a box of chocolates. It’s about drawing closer to your spouse—and to God—on ordinary Tuesdays and in extraordinary seasons.
Building Real Connection in the Trenches
Every marriage is tested by laundry baskets, sick kids, job stress, and the “What’s for dinner?” debate. Connection doesn’t just happen on its own; it needs tending. That means deliberately making space for your spouse in the middle of life’s messes. The most loving couples aren’t those who have the smoothest journeys—they’re the ones who keep figuring out how to find each other, again and again, no matter how lost or far apart they sometimes feel.
Walking through life hand-in-hand may sound poetic, but sometimes it’s just learning to pause, put down the phone, and actually look at each other. Maybe it’s sharing a cup of coffee before the day bursts into chaos. Maybe it’s texting in the middle of a workday just to say, “I miss you.” Small gestures, repeated often, have a way of building lasting intimacy. In many ways, these little acts are holy ground—the daily bread of married love.
Choosing Sacrifice over Selfishness
If Christian marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the Church, then real love starts with giving. Not keeping score or waiting to see who will go first. Giving grace, saying “I’m sorry” quickly, and forgiving—even when pride wants to put up a wall. Sometimes it means doing the dishes because your spouse is tired, not because you love washing plates. Other times, it’s making the tough choice to listen when you’d rather walk away or speak kindly when irritation is threatening to spill over.
Sacrifice isn’t about being a martyr—it’s about valuing the relationship above your own comfort in the moment. When both husband and wife make a habit of small, daily sacrifices, the result isn’t resentment. It’s a deep, abiding trust that builds a safe, vibrant foundation.
Inviting God into the Journey
The beautiful mystery of Christian marriage is that it’s never just two people on the journey. God is always there, whispering reminders that His love is the model: patient, forgiving, always seeking the best for the other. Couples who pray together discover a special kind of closeness. There’s something powerful—and a little vulnerable—about holding hands, bowing heads, and lifting each other’s struggles, hopes, and frustrations to the Lord.
Don’t wait until a crisis hits to pray together. Invite God into ordinary moments: before meals, at bedtime, or even in the car. As couples make a habit of this, they find it easier to talk about spiritual things, to share fears or doubts, and to support one another in faith. Spiritual intimacy builds a love that weathers storms.
Laughter as Sacred Glue
Who says keeping love alive means living in a perpetual sermon? Some of the strongest couples are really good at laughing together. They develop private jokes, funny stories, and the ability to see humor in life’s misadventures—like locking themselves out of the house or accidentally turning the laundry pink.
Laughter is a gift from God; it disarms tension, softens hard days, and gives memories to cherish. If things feel heavy, don’t be afraid to do something silly together. Watch a funny movie. Have a playful pillow fight. Host a “date night” with fast food in the living room. Joy shared in small things can grease the wheels for deeper connection elsewhere.
Fighting Fair and Forgiving Fast
Let’s be honest: even the most faith-filled couples will disagree. The question isn’t whether you’ll fight, but how you’ll handle it. Keeping love alive doesn’t mean avoiding conflict, but learning to fight fair. That might mean taking a moment to pray before finishing a tough conversation—or agreeing to revisit a touchy topic after a cool-down walk.
Name-calling, silent treatments, or keeping a list of wrongs has no place in a marriage rooted in faith. Paul’s famous words to the Corinthians—“Love keeps no record of wrongs”—offer wise counsel. When forgiveness flows quickly and freely, keeping love alive feels much more natural. Sometimes it takes humility to say, “I was wrong.” Sometimes it takes even more to reply, “I forgive you.” But both are like water to a thirsty soul.
Letting Your Spouse Grow
The person you married years ago isn’t the same one you’re sharing a life with now—and that’s a good thing. Healthy marriages are places where people grow, dreams shift, and faith deepens. Supporting your spouse’s growth—whether that means going back to school, picking up a new hobby, or seeking a new ministry opportunity—shows love in action.
Take time to ask about each other’s hearts, goals, and prayer needs. Listen for how God might be shaping your spouse, and cheer them on. As you both change and grow, you may need to renegotiate routines, roles, and dreams—but doing it as a team makes the journey richer and more rewarding.
Never Stop Courting
It’s easy, especially with work and family demands, to let romance slip to the sidelines. But staying playful and intentional helps keep the spark alive. Find little ways to surprise each other: leave a note, bring home a favorite treat, or plan a simple adventure. “Date nights” don’t have to be fancy—they just need to be consistent.
Remember, part of keeping love alive is cherishing one another. Tell your spouse what you admire about them. Notice the efforts they make. Offer hugs—a lot of them. Touch, affection, and kind words go a long way in keeping romance from going stale.
Making Memories—Big and Small
Shared experiences form the glue of a lasting marriage. They don’t need to be exotic vacations, although those can be wonderful if possible. Sometimes it’s camping out in the backyard, playing board games, serving at church together, or developing new family traditions. These moments help couples say, “This is us. We belong together.” As time goes on, it’s the shared scrapbook of ordinary joys and even survived hardships that shapes your love story.
Guarding Your Marriage as a Team
The world is full of distractions and temptations—work, screens, friends, or even ministry obligations can threaten to crowd out closeness under the guise of doing good things. Keeping love alive requires intentional protection. Make boundaries around “couple time.” Be honest about outside temptations or struggles. Ask for accountability from trusted friends or mentors.
Most importantly, remember that the enemy would love to see Christian marriages falter, so stand guard together. Pray for your marriage by name. Don’t be afraid to seek help or counsel if needed. Staying united means having the courage to face vulnerabilities head-on and fight for your marriage—side by side.
Serving Together
Some of the deepest intimacy couples find is in shared service. Whether it’s volunteering in children’s ministry, visiting a lonely neighbor, or supporting a missionary, doing God’s work together bonds hearts and aligns your relationship with His purposes. Serving as a team brings out the best in both, strengthening your shared identity.
Love as Legacy
Ultimately, the love you build extends far beyond the walls of your home. Friends, children, neighbors, and even strangers notice when a couple’s love is alive. It gives hope, points others to God, and leaves a legacy of faithfulness. Your marriage becomes a living picture of Christ’s love—a daily invitation for others to believe that lasting love is possible.
A Final Encouragement
Keeping love alive isn’t about perfection. It’s about persistence, humility, and faith. Christian marriage is a journey—sometimes steep, sometimes sweet, but always sacred when God is at the center. If your love feels dim or your connection frayed, don’t despair. Begin again, even today, with a small act of kindness, a whispered prayer, or a genuine apology.
God delights in restoring, refreshing, and renewing what we surrender to Him. With each intentional step, you and your spouse can nurture a love that’s not only alive, but vibrant enough to weather any season and light up the world around you. That’s a marriage worth celebrating—and worth choosing, one day at a time.