Toxic empathy is a term that’s gaining attention in Christian circles—especially among evangelical believers concerned about cultural trends and our calling to balance truth and compassion. The concept is simple: empathy turns toxic when the desire to understand, support, and show kindness leads us to affirm choices or lifestyles that directly contradict biblical truth. In today’s world, a common illustration of toxic empathy is the way some Christians respond to questions about sexuality—particularly the gay lifestyle—not with biblical counsel, but with blanket affirmation, hoping to seem loving and inclusive.
Healthy Empathy vs. Toxic Empathy
Let’s start with real, Christlike empathy. The Bible calls us to bear one another’s burdens, to weep with those who weep, and to rejoice with those who rejoice. Jesus demonstrated a pure form of empathy, engaging people with compassion, kindness, and genuine care—often crossing social, religious, and cultural barriers to reach the hurting and broken. Healthy empathy in the Christian life means seeing others as image-bearers of God, listening without judgment, and caring about their pain, loneliness, or struggle. That’s the heart behind loving our neighbor.
But empathy goes off the rails when it stops calling people to God’s higher standard and instead adopts the world’s “affirm-and-celebrate” mindset. Toxic empathy blurs the line between caring and condoning, mixing compassion with compromise. In practice, it means supporting a friend, relative, or stranger by approving whatever they choose—regardless of whether those choices honor God, serve their ultimate good, or align with biblical wisdom.
When Affirmation Replaces Truth
In the context of sexuality, toxic empathy appears as uncritical affirmation of a gay lifestyle, chosen relationships, or gender expression. Instead of pointing others to Christ as the source of true healing and transformation, toxic empathy quietly accepts, celebrates, or even defends what Scripture calls sin. Why? Because it feels easier, more peaceful, and avoids hurting feelings or risking rejection. The result is an emotional comfort offered in place of spiritual health—a substitute that flatters but never redeems.
Too often, toxic empathy makes emotional affirmation—the desire to make others feel good—our highest value. Feeling sorry for someone or wanting to accept them, no matter what, overshadows the Bible’s call to holiness, repentance, and new life. But love without truth is not love at all. If we only comfort people in their choices but never call them to changed hearts and lives, we’ve traded gospel hope for worldly tolerance.
The Culture of Acceptance
Our culture praises empathy as the answer to conflict, division, and hurt. “Just support them! Who are we to judge?” But the Christian call is deeper than simple acceptance. Jesus never affirmed people’s sin, even though He loved them completely. His offer of mercy was always paired with an invitation to change: “Go and sin no more.”
Toxic empathy says, “It’s unkind to challenge someone’s choices or beliefs.” Christ-centered empathy says, “It’s unloving not to help someone find life, healing, and freedom in God’s design.” This is especially important for issues as central and controversial as sexuality, where biblical boundaries are clear and countercultural.
Does Loving Mean Affirming?
The Bible is clear: love rejoices with the truth (1 Corinthians 13:6). When Christians exchange biblical convictions for emotional comfort, we end up confusing true love with mere affirmation. We should not and cannot simply affirm every lifestyle, relationship, or self-identification if it means rejecting God’s commands.
Healthy empathy calls us to sit with someone in their pain, listen carefully, and help bear their burdens. Toxic empathy says it’s loving to approve whatever makes someone happy—forgetting that sin is both personal and destructive. For evangelical Christians, this misses the mark. Jesus calls us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), not just keep the peace or avoid tough conversations.
Real Healing Demands More
If we want to see lives changed—if we want the world to experience the power of the gospel—our empathy must be paired with truth. Only then can it be healing, not enabling. “Come as you are” is the invitation of grace; “Stay as you are” is the lie of toxic empathy. By prioritizing feelings over faithfulness, we end up supporting that which wounds the soul and separates people from God.
It’s tempting, especially today, to prioritize emotional safety, inclusion, and “affirmation” above all else. But comfort without conviction leads nowhere good. Affirmation without boundaries is not real love—it’s abandonment dressed up in kindness.
Speaking Truth in Love
How do we move forward? For evangelical believers, the answer is not to become cold, judgmental, or dismissive. The world is aching for compassion, and Christians should model it. But it’s possible to care deeply and still stand firm. We must hold to a biblical standard while loving people who disagree, making space for honest questions and struggles, but never letting that empathy turn into compromise.
Refusing to practice toxic empathy isn’t cruelty—it’s courage. It keeps our relationships anchored in hope, purpose, and the possibility of transformation. Every person, no matter their background or struggle, is invited to encounter the grace of Jesus and the power of a life changed by Him.
Dangers for the Church
Toxic empathy is dangerous not just for individuals, but for the church as a whole. It can erode biblical teaching, muddy the gospel, and make the church indistinguishable from culture. When we put empathy above truth, we risk losing our voice, our conviction, and even our calling as salt and light in a broken world.
The challenge for modern Christians is to love without enabling, to care without condoning, and to invite without affirming sin. This is not easy, but it’s necessary if we want to be faithful to Christ’s example and command.
Final Thoughts
Toxic empathy dresses up emotional comfort as virtue, but at its core, it’s a subtle replacement for biblical love. If we really want what’s best for the people around us, we have to go beyond surface-level acceptance and invite everyone to the life, grace, and freedom found in Jesus. That takes both courage and kindness—a willingness to listen, understand, and walk alongside people, but also to speak the hard truths that alone can set us free.
Toxic empathy does not produce real healing or hope. Only the truth—spoken with humility, wisdom, and unwavering love—can. Our culture may celebrate affirmation and inclusion, but the gospel calls us to so much more: transformation, repentance, and new life in Christ. That is the highest good we can offer, for those struggling with sexuality or any other issue. May our empathy always reflect the love of God, pointing every heart to His truth and unending grace.