Dating as a Christian is exciting, but it can also feel a bit like walking through a minefield. The Bible is full of wisdom about relationships, and as believers, there are dangers and warning signs—red flags—that we’re called to take seriously. Ignoring them can lead to heartbreak, confusion, and even a damaged walk with God. So, what should you be on the lookout for? Let’s talk about the dating red flags that every Christian should recognize before things get too serious.
The Faith Isn’t Genuine
One of the first and clearest red flags is a lack of authentic faith. Anyone can say they’re a Christian, but pay close attention to what’s underneath the words. If a dating partner claims to follow Christ but doesn’t live it out—maybe skipping church, never mentioning prayer, or treating biblical values as negotiable—that’s a sign of concern. James 2:26 reminds us, “faith without works is dead.” Superficial faith is shaky ground for a relationship meant to honor God.
You want someone who’s seeking Jesus in real, daily ways. It’s not about perfection—it’s about direction. Do they love God more than anything else? Are they growing? If not, don’t make excuses or hope you can change them. Growth is the work of the Holy Spirit, not a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Avoidance of Spiritual Growth
A dating partner who shows little interest in growing spiritually is waving a big red flag. Biblical relationships are rooted in ongoing spiritual development—prayer, Bible study, service, repentance, and community. Someone who treats faith as a box checked rather than a journey is not prepared for the selflessness and purpose marriage requires. When discipleship is missing or there’s a casual attitude toward things like church attendance and confession, pause and reconsider.
Resisting Accountability and Christian Community
Healthy Christians welcome accountability, mentorship, and community life. If your partner is defensive, avoids wise counsel, or resists being known by your church friends or spiritual mentors, take notice. Godly relationships thrive in the light, not the shadows. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” If your partner keeps everything “just between the two of you,” or bristles at the idea of letting others speak into your relationship, that’s a real danger.
Refusal to Define the Relationship
If you feel like you’re always guessing where things are headed, or if your date avoids having clear, intentional conversations about your relationship, this is a red flag. Ambiguity opens the door for confusion and anxiety, rather than the peace God desires for us. A godly partner will be open and up-front about their intentions, not stringing you along or hiding their real motives.
Inconsistency Between Words and Actions
Is your dating partner quick to say the right things but slow to follow through? Watch how they treat people, handle conflict, and whether their lifestyle lines up with what they claim to believe. Righteous character is shown, not just spoken. The way your date treats “invisible” people—waiters, family, even strangers—gives a window into their heart.
Manipulation and Controlling Behaviors
Manipulation can be subtle or obvious, but if someone uses guilt, scripture-twisting, or emotional games to get their way, it’s a sign of trouble. Likewise, if a partner exhibits controlling behaviors—telling you how to dress, whom you can spend time with, or isolating you from friends and family—pause and consider the cost. God created us for freedom, not bondage, in relationships.
Emotional Instability
Everyone goes through ups and downs, but repeated emotional outbursts, volatility, or overwhelming negativity can erode trust and well-being. If you find yourself constantly on edge—walking on eggshells, not knowing what will set them off—this is not the safe, loving space God intends. Galatians 5:22-23 points to the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Consistent absence of these qualities is cause to slow down or step away.
Pressure to Compromise on Biblical Values
Perhaps the most common red flag is a partner who pushes you to cross boundaries God has set for human flourishing. Whether it’s purity, honesty, forgiveness, or respect for authority, if someone regularly tries to justify sin, downplays the importance of following Christ, or pressures you to do things God’s Word forbids, this is more than a red flag—it’s a stop sign. The right person will support and champion your convictions, not try to tear them down.
Disregard or Disrespect for Family and Godly Mentors
People who avoid wise counsel, sneer at the advice of Christian friends or mentors, or seek secrecy in the relationship should not be trusted. God often uses others in our life to provide guidance, warning, and encouragement. If all feedback is dismissed or if your potential partner constantly wants to operate in isolation, that’s a relational health hazard.
Repeated Confusion or Lack of Peace
Confusion, chaos, and persistent lack of peace are not fruits of a healthy God-centered relationship. “For God is not a God of confusion but of peace” (1 Corinthians 14:33). God’s Spirit gives a sense of calm and clarity—even in hard or complex seasons. If the relationship leaves you constantly second-guessing, emotionally drained, or more distant from the Lord, take those feelings seriously.
Lack of Christlike Love
Lastly, and perhaps most crucially, if a relationship doesn’t bear the marks of Christ—gentleness, patience, humility, respect, and self-sacrificing love—something is off. True Christian dating should make both people more like Jesus, not less. Pay attention to the fruits their life gives evidence of, not just the promises of change.
When Should a Christian Walk Away?
Ending a relationship is sometimes necessary to protect your heart and your faith. The Bible is clear: do not be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If foundational beliefs are not shared, it’s wise to move on. The same is true if you face repeated manipulation, isolation, secrecy, or disrespect. No relationship is worth spiritual, emotional, or physical harm.
God’s best is never found by ignoring warning signs or hoping things will just get better over time. Seek prayer, lean on wise Christian friends and mentors, and trust the Lord to guide your steps. Nothing is lost by choosing obedience over a relationship that leads away from Jesus.
Final Thoughts
Dating is meant to be a joyful season of learning, growth, and preparation. As you seek God’s will, remember that spotting red flags isn’t about judging others, but about protecting the sacred work God wants to do in your heart and life. Stay close to the Lord, be honest with yourself, and trust that God has good plans—and a hopeful future—for those who wait on Him. The right relationship won’t just avoid red flags; it will help you become the person God created you to be.