The phrase “I can do it myself” has become a kind of mantra for many young women today. We see it on social media, hear it in talk shows, and find it echoed in popular self-help books. This philosophy, while well-intentioned in its celebration of strength and capability, often leads to problems that leave women feeling more isolated, anxious, and unfulfilled than ever before. Let’s examine what’s fueling this mindset, why it’s become so common, and how it actually impacts relationships, personal growth, and spiritual health—especially from a Christian perspective.

Why Are Young Women Saying “I Can Do It Myself”?

The emphasis on independence and self-sufficiency didn’t develop overnight. For generations, girls have grown up in a world that prizes personal achievement and autonomy above nearly everything else. The rise of feminism in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries encouraged women to break free from restrictive roles, chase education and careers, and “prove” that they can do anything a man can do. In many ways, this has been wonderful: more women than ever are graduating from college, leading in the workplace, and carving their own paths.

But woven into all the good intentions was a not-so-helpful message: that needing help—even from family, friends, or romantic partners—was a sign of weakness. If you want to be strong, the world says, you have to do it all—and do it all alone. Popular authors, celebrities, and social media “influencers” reinforce the idea that independence and self-love are the highest virtues, often celebrating a “boss babe” mentality that leaves little room for community or interdependence.

Isolation and Loneliness: The Hidden Costs

Ironically, the drive for total independence often leads not to strength but to loneliness. When young women try to shoulder every burden themselves, it becomes harder to ask for help, receive support, or form deep bonds with others. Instead of building healthy friendships or relationships, radical independence leads to isolation. The people around them—whether family, friends, or potential partners—may feel shut out or unneeded, and women find themselves emotionally burnt out and longing for connection, but unsure how to reach out.

Instead of reflecting the biblical vision of community and mutual support, young women can find themselves living in a kind of self-made bubble. God designed people to live in fellowship, not in solitude. Even Proverbs tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). True strength is found not in going it alone, but in joining hands with others and allowing support to flow both ways.

Struggling to Build Deep Relationships

The “I can do it myself” mindset can make it difficult for women to trust others or be vulnerable, shutting down opportunities for meaningful connection. Relationships require openness, the willingness to admit weakness, and the courage to depend on someone else. When independence becomes the highest goal, it’s easy to build walls, appearing strong but feeling emotionally distant. This can lead to struggles in romantic relationships, friendships, and even within families.

Men, especially, may feel undervalued or rejected if they sense that a woman doesn’t want or need their support. Partnership thrives on mutual encouragement—not one-sided strength. This isn’t about returning to unhealthy dependency, but embracing the beautiful give-and-take God intended for human relationships.

Overlooking Emotional and Spiritual Needs

Young women are often taught to prioritize external achievement, personal happiness, and “success” as defined by the world. But emotional and spiritual needs run deeper. Everyone longs for affirmation, encouragement, forgiveness, and sometimes, a helping hand. Ignoring these needs can result in increased anxiety, depression, and a stalled sense of personal growth. The Bible reminds us that real life is found in loving and serving others, and in being loved and served in return (Galatians 6:2).

God calls His people to share their burdens, to confess weaknesses, and to support each other through hardship and joy. When cultural mantras drown out this biblical vision, young women miss out on the blessings of genuine Christian community.

Relational Conflicts and Misunderstandings

A “do it all myself” philosophy can create unnecessary tension in marriages, friendships, and dating relationships. Partners can feel unneeded or dismissed, leading to hurt feelings, power struggles, or chronic misunderstandings. Instead of building trust and teamwork, relationships suffer from competition and self-protection.

Healthy relationships aren’t about one person doing everything and another doing nothing—they’re about partnership, communication, and mutual sacrifice, with Christ at the center. Ephesians 4:2-3 reminds believers to “be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” True partnership requires humility and the courage to let someone else in.

The Dangers of Self-Care Turned Self-Absorption

Much of the “I can do it myself” philosophy is driven by a well-meaning focus on self-care and self-love. Countless books, podcasts, and Instagram accounts urge women to “manifest their dreams,” “do what makes them happy,” and always “choose themselves first.” While healthy self-care is important, this movement can drift into self-absorption. Women are told to “follow their hearts” and prioritize their own needs before anyone else’s.

Yet, as Christian counselor Erica Suter notes, this hyper-focus on self often backfires. It can lead to feelings of entitlement, disappointment, and profound loneliness when things don’t work out as expected. Trying to find fulfillment in one’s own performance rarely works: perfection is impossible, and self-glorification leaves little room for grace, forgiveness, or connection.

What Does True Strength Look Like?

From a Christian perspective, true strength isn’t about shutting others out or pretending we have no needs. Instead, the Bible calls believers to walk in humility, honesty, and loving dependence—on God first, and then on the community He’s created. Jesus, the ultimate example of strength, regularly withdrew for prayer, accepted help from close friends, and lived in constant dependence on the Father.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to achieve, grow, or overcome obstacles. But the healthiest women—the truly strong—are those who know when to reach out, when to let someone else share the load, and when to set aside personal pride for the sake of deeper fellowship.

Cultivating a Balanced Approach

So, how can young women move from radical independence to the kind of balanced, interdependent life that’s more fulfilling and aligned with the gospel?

  • Embrace community. Say yes to genuine friendships, church family, mentorship, and healthy romantic relationships.

  • Ask for help, and don’t be ashamed to do so. Everyone needs support sometimes.

  • Practice vulnerability by sharing struggles as well as victories.

  • Focus on serving others, not just yourself. Jesus taught that greatness is found in service, not self-exaltation.

  • Pray for humility and openness, trusting God to provide through the people He places in your life.

  • Let go of the illusion that competence means going it alone. God’s design is for partnership, collaboration, and mutual encouragement.

Flourishing Beyond “I Can Do It Myself”

The “I can do it myself” philosophy grew out of good desires for freedom and strength but has led many young women into crippling loneliness and exhaustion. Truly abundant life comes not from isolation or pride but from loving togetherness rooted in Christ. Independence matters, but not at the expense of the community and vulnerability God designed us to enjoy. Real confidence is found in Christ, not in radical self-reliance.

By letting go of self-sufficiency as the ultimate goal, young women can step into deeper relationships, richer faith, and a life that’s both strong and surrendered—a life that models the very best of what it means to be made in God’s image.