Your marriage may feel tense, distant, or just “off,” but that does not mean it is hopeless. God lovingly warns His people so they can seek His help, make wise changes, and protect what He joined together. Proverbs 22:3 reminds us that a prudent person sees danger and takes refuge, while the simple keep going and suffer for it, and that truth certainly applies to marriage as well. Instead of pretending everything is fine, you can honestly face the warning signs and invite the Lord to begin healing your relationship.
Are You Still Best Friends?
One of the clearest signs of a marriage in trouble is when husband and wife are no longer close friends. You may function as roommates, parents, or financial partners, but the heart-level friendship has faded. Many couples sense that something is missing but are not sure what changed or how to get it back. Others are blindsided when one spouse announces, “I’m done,” because the quiet drift was never acknowledged or addressed.
God’s design for marriage is that your spouse would be both your beloved and your friend. In Song of Solomon 5:16, the bride describes her husband this way: “This is my beloved, and this is my friend”. That word picture includes intimacy, companionship, joy, and trust. Friends talk, laugh, listen, share burdens, and genuinely enjoy being together. If that sense of friendship has grown cold, it is not just sad—it is dangerous, because hearts that are no longer bonded are much more vulnerable to temptations and outside attachments.
If you realize you are not best friends anymore, there is hope. Start by acknowledging the distance instead of hiding it. Gently tell your spouse what you are feeling without blaming or shaming, and ask forgiveness for any ways you have pulled back or shut down. Then invite God into the process by praying together for renewed tenderness, laughter, and closeness. After that, go back to the basics that built your friendship in the early days: lingering conversations, shared activities, simple dates, paying attention to each other’s needs, and choosing to be kind and thoughtful. Little investments like these, repeated over time, can awaken friendship again.
Is There a Spiritual Disconnect?
Another serious warning sign is when there is little or no spiritual relationship between you and your spouse. You may sit side-by-side in church, but never pray together, never talk about what you are learning from Scripture, and never encourage each other in the Lord. Spiritually, you live as two individuals rather than a united team. This kind of disconnect may not always show up immediately on the surface, but it will eventually affect your emotional intimacy, your decision-making, and your ability to love sacrificially.
Scripture teaches that believers share “fellowship of the Spirit,” a deep spiritual connection rooted in Christ. That kind of fellowship is meant to mark Christian marriages as well. When both husband and wife are walking with the Lord, there is extra grace for patience, forgiveness, humility, and perseverance. When one or both “run on empty” spiritually, frustration and selfishness tend to take over, and small issues become big arguments very quickly.
Rebuilding spiritual intimacy starts with personal repentance and renewal. Ask God to forgive your indifference or neglect, then re-engage your own walk with Him through regular Bible reading, prayer, and involvement in a solid, Bible-teaching church. As God softens your heart, begin to share what He is teaching you with your spouse. Pray aloud together, even if it feels awkward at first. Bring your marriage needs to the Lord as a couple, and look for ways to serve others side-by-side. Spiritual intimacy will not appear overnight, but if you keep taking small, consistent steps, you will find your hearts drawing closer—to God and to each other.
Are Conflicts Left Hanging?
Unresolved conflict is another common danger sign in marriage. Every couple disagrees sometimes, but when arguments never really get worked through, they begin to pile up. You may stop talking about certain subjects because they always end badly, or you may outwardly “move on” while inwardly nursing resentment. Over time, those unhealed hurts turn into emotional walls, and spouses begin to feel like strangers in their own home.
Scripture links ongoing strife to pride and selfish ambition, warning that these attitudes lead to disorder and all kinds of evil. Pride whispers, “I’m right. They should apologize first,” while humility says, “Even if I was only ten percent at fault, I am responsible for that ten percent, and I need to own it.” The longer you wait to pursue reconciliation, the harder your heart becomes, and the more the enemy gains a foothold in your relationship.
Breaking this pattern begins with humbling yourself before God. Tell Him honestly how you feel, then ask Him to give you a willing, obedient heart. As He softens you, go to your spouse as soon as reasonably possible and lovingly bring up the unresolved issue. Focus first on your own failures—your tone, your words, your reactions—rather than listing your spouse’s faults. Ask for forgiveness specifically, and talk through what will need to change so that the same pattern does not continue. Then pray together, asking God for the strength to follow through. Healing conflict is hard work, but the reward is a softer heart, a safer relationship, and a renewed sense of oneness.
Has Communication Become Superficial?
Superficial communication is another key warning sign that a marriage may be in trouble. If most of your conversations revolve only around schedules, kids, chores, or finances—while deeper feelings, fears, and desires are rarely discussed—you are slowly drifting into a dangerous place. You might be polite and even get along fairly well, but without meaningful communication, you cannot truly know or be known by your spouse.
Several things commonly shut down healthy communication. Sinful attitudes like contempt, indifference, or defensiveness can be felt almost immediately at the beginning of a conversation. Your spouse picks up your tone, facial expressions, and body language, and may emotionally “check out” long before the topic is settled. Sinful words—harsh, accusatory, sarcastic, or demeaning—also do great damage. Proverbs 15:1 stresses that a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Sinful actions, such as interrupting constantly, talking over your spouse, twisting their words, bringing up old failures, or refusing to listen, likewise build deep frustration and mistrust.
To improve communication, start by examining your own heart and habits rather than diagnosing your spouse. Ask the Lord to help you speak with gentleness and respect, even when you are hurt or frustrated. Make practical changes like setting aside daily time to talk without distractions, putting your phone away, and giving your spouse your full attention. When they speak, listen all the way through before responding, and try to reflect back what you heard to be sure you understood correctly. Commit to avoiding name-calling, threats, or bringing unrelated past issues into the current discussion. As you cultivate humble, kind, and patient communication, your emotional connection will deepen and your ability to resolve conflict will grow.
Are You Stuck in Power Struggles?
Another danger sign in marriage is ongoing power struggles. Instead of functioning as a team, you and your spouse may find yourselves constantly battling over who gets the final say, whose opinion matters more, or who “wins” each disagreement. This kind of competition undermines the very purpose of marriage. God did not bring you together so you could fight for control; He joined you together for oneness, unity, and shared purpose.
Scripture teaches that husband and wife are “one flesh,” and that believers are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. This mutual submission does not erase God-given roles, but it does mean that both partners are called to humility, service, and self-sacrificing love. When power struggles dominate a marriage, it reveals that one or both hearts are more focused on self-protection or self-promotion than on honoring God and loving the other person.
To turn away from power struggles, both husband and wife must first acknowledge that this pattern is sinful and destructive. Then each must make a fresh choice to honor God’s design. For husbands, that means leading with tenderness, understanding, and honor, as 1 Peter 3:7 commands. Listening carefully to your wife’s concerns and valuing her perspective are practical expressions of godly leadership. For wives, it means offering support, respect, and a willing heart rather than resistance or contempt. When both partners intentionally look for ways to serve and bless each other, the “win–lose” mindset fades and unity grows.
Has Romance and Intimacy Grown Cold?
A lack of romance and intimacy is often both a symptom and a cause of deeper marital trouble. When friendship, spiritual unity, communication, and conflict resolution are weak, romance nearly always suffers. At the same time, the absence of affection and physical closeness can increase feelings of rejection, loneliness, and vulnerability to temptation. God designed marital intimacy as a powerful, holy gift, not an optional extra.
The book of Proverbs encourages a husband to rejoice in the wife of his youth, to be satisfied with her love, and to be captivated by her, rather than seeking fulfillment in someone else. The Song of Solomon likewise describes the joy, attraction, and delight between husband and wife as something good and God-honoring. The Apostle Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 that husbands and wives should not deprive one another sexually, except by mutual consent for a time of prayer, because regular intimacy helps protect both from temptation. All of this shows that romance and sexual intimacy are spiritually significant, not merely physical.
To rekindle intimacy, begin with how you speak to one another. Romance thrives where words are kind, appreciative, and respectful, and it dies where criticism, sarcasm, and contempt are common. Next, prioritize time alone together, away from kids, screens, and constant noise. Shared experiences, quiet conversations, and simple fun lay the groundwork for deeper affection. Incorporate nonsexual touch—holding hands, hugs, sitting close, a gentle hand on the shoulder—as a regular part of your daily life. Finally, talk honestly about your sexual relationship, listening to each other’s fears, needs, and desires without judgment. Aim for mutual care and mutual joy, not pressure, manipulation, or neglect. As you grow in tenderness and trust, physical intimacy can once again become a place of safety, joy, and oneness.
What If You See These Warning Signs?
If you recognize any of these danger signs in your marriage, do not ignore them or minimize them. The Lord is graciously letting you see where things are weak, not to condemn you, but to invite you into change. The prudent person sees danger and takes refuge; the foolish one keeps going and suffers the consequences. In marriage, taking refuge means turning to God in humility, seeking wise counsel when needed, and engaging your spouse in honest, grace-filled conversation.
Do not let frustration harden into apathy. Instead, invite your spouse to talk about what you both see and how you might begin to move in a healthier direction together. If needed, seek help from a trusted pastor, biblical counselor, or mature Christian couple who can walk with you. Most of all, ask God for His grace, wisdom, and power. He delights in restoring what is broken and renewing what feels beyond repair. As you both turn toward Him and toward each other, your marriage can move from danger to healing, from distance to closeness, and from survival to a deeper, Christ-centered oneness than you may have thought possible.