Are You in a Sexless Marriage?

Let’s talk about something that’s often whispered about, joked about, or just plain ignored in Christian circles: the sexless marriage. If you’re here, you might be wondering if your marriage fits that description—or maybe you’re just looking for answers, encouragement, or hope. Either way, you’re not alone, and you’re not without guidance. Let’s break down what a sexless marriage is, why it happens, what the numbers look like in the U.S., and most importantly, what God’s Word has to say about it.

What Is a Sexless Marriage?

First things first: what exactly do we mean by “sexless marriage”? The most common definition, used by counselors and researchers alike, is a marriage where sexual activity happens less than ten times a year. That’s less than once a month, on average. Some couples go months or even years without any sexual intimacy at all.

Now, every marriage has its ups and downs—seasons of busyness, illness, pregnancy, or stress can all lead to dry spells. But when a lack of sexual intimacy becomes the norm instead of the exception, it’s a sign that something deeper might be going on.

How Common Is a Sexless Marriage in the U.S.?

You might be surprised to learn that sexless marriages are more common than most people think. According to recent studies, about 1 in 6 marriages in the United States is considered sexless. And the trend isn’t just among older couples—sexlessness has been rising among young adults as well. For example, the share of young adult men (ages 22-34) who hadn’t had sex in the past year jumped from 9% in 2013-15 to 24% in 2022-23. For young women, it rose from 8% to 13% in the same period.

So if you’re struggling in this area, you’re not some kind of outlier. Many couples, Christian and non-Christian alike, are facing the same challenge.

Why Do Sexless Marriages Happen?

There’s no single answer, but here are some of the most common reasons:

• Physical or medical issues: Illness, hormonal changes, medications, or chronic pain can all affect sexual desire and ability.

• Emotional disconnect: When couples grow apart emotionally, physical intimacy often fades as well.

• Busy lives: Work, kids, church commitments, and stress can leave couples too exhausted for sex.

• Past trauma or unresolved conflict: Old wounds, whether from within the marriage or before it, can create barriers to intimacy.

• Spiritual struggles: Sometimes, spiritual issues—like unforgiveness, bitterness, or even spiritual warfare—can play a role.

What Does the Bible Say About Sex in Marriage?

Let’s be clear: God created sex. He designed it to be a beautiful, powerful, and unifying part of marriage. In Genesis 2:24, we read, “The two shall become one flesh.” This isn’t just poetic language—it’s a description of the deep physical, emotional, and spiritual bond that sex creates between husband and wife9.

The Apostle Paul speaks directly to this in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5:

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

In other words, sexual intimacy isn’t just a “nice to have”—it’s part of God’s plan for marriage. It’s a way of expressing love, building unity, and protecting each other from temptation.

Is a Sexless Marriage Always a Sin?

Not necessarily. There are seasons when sex may not be possible or wise—think illness, pregnancy, or mutual times of prayer and fasting. But when sex is withheld without mutual agreement, or as a way to punish or control a spouse, Scripture is clear: this isn’t God’s design. In fact, Paul warns that prolonged abstinence can open the door to temptation and sin.

That said, the Bible also calls us to patience, grace, and understanding. If your spouse is struggling with something that makes sex difficult—whether it’s physical, emotional, or spiritual—it’s an opportunity to show Christlike love and compassion, not just frustration or resentment.

What Should You Do If You’re in a Sexless Marriage?

If you’re reading this and thinking, “This is my marriage,” take a deep breath. There is hope. Here are some steps you can take, grounded in biblical wisdom and practical experience:

1. Examine Your Own Heart

Before you point the finger at your spouse, ask God to search your own heart. Are there ways you’ve contributed to the problem? Are there hurts you haven’t addressed, or habits you need to change? Psalm 139:23-24 is a great prayer to start with: “Search me, O God, and know my heart…”.

2. Pray for Your Marriage

Sexual struggles are not just physical—they’re spiritual. Pray for wisdom, healing, and unity. Ask God to soften both your hearts and to restore what’s been lost. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer in this area.

3. Communicate Honestly and Gently

This isn’t about blame or shame. It’s about understanding each other’s needs, fears, and hopes. Set aside time to talk openly—maybe with the help of a Christian counselor or pastor if needed. Listen more than you speak, and seek to understand before being understood.

4. Seek Help if Needed

Sometimes, the issues are too deep or painful to work through alone. There’s no shame in seeking help—from a Christian counselor, doctor, or trusted mentor. God often uses others to bring healing and perspective.

5. Invest in Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy

Sex is just one part of intimacy. Work on building emotional closeness—spend time together, pray together, laugh together. Sometimes, restoring the friendship and spiritual bond in your marriage can reignite physical desire.

6. Be Patient and Persevere

Change rarely happens overnight. Healing takes time. Keep your eyes on the bigger picture—faithfulness to God, love for your spouse, and the hope of restoration. Celebrate small victories along the way, and trust God to work in both your hearts.

Is Divorce Ever the Answer?

This is a tough and sensitive question. The Bible is clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and the only explicit allowance is for cases of adultery (Matthew 19:9). Some Christian teachers argue that ongoing, willful refusal of sex without cause may be a breach of the marriage covenant, but this is a matter for careful prayer, wise counsel, and deep reflection.

In most cases, the call is to persevere, seek help, and trust God for healing. Divorce should always be a last resort, not a first response.

Final Thoughts: There Is Hope

If you’re in a sexless marriage, you might feel lonely, frustrated, or even hopeless. But remember: God sees you. He cares about your pain, and He has not abandoned you. Your faithfulness, even in this trial, brings Him glory.

Sex is not the only measure of a healthy marriage, but it is an important one. Don’t settle for less than God’s design—but also don’t give up hope. With humility, prayer, and practical steps, many couples have found healing and renewed intimacy, even after years of struggle.

If you need help, don’t walk this road alone. Reach out to a trusted Christian counselor, pastor, or mentor. And above all, keep your eyes on Jesus—the One who can heal, restore, and make all things new.

You’re not alone. And with God’s help, your story isn’t over.