Are You Living With a Narcissist?

The term “narcissism” has become increasingly common in modern psychology and popular culture to describe people who are excessively self-centered, entitled, and lacking in empathy. But is narcissism a concept that is recognized and addressed in the Bible? While the word itself is not found in Scripture, many biblical passages speak to the underlying attitudes and behaviors that characterize narcissistic personalities. Let’s examine what the Bible has to say about the root issues of narcissism and how it instructs us to respond.

Pride: The Heart of Narcissism

At its core, narcissism is really an issue of pride and excessive self-love. The narcissist is consumed with self and an inflated sense of self-importance. This is the antithesis of the humble, others-focused attitude that Scripture calls us to embrace. The Bible contains strong warnings against the dangers of pride:

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2)

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)

These verses make it clear that God detests pride and arrogance. Pride was at the root of Satan’s fall from heaven (Isaiah 14:12-15) and it continues to lead people into folly and sin. Narcissism is really pride and self-absorption taken to the extreme.

The Bible also speaks of people being “lovers of self” which is a hallmark of narcissism. Paul’s letter to Timothy warns that in the last days, people will be “lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive…” (2 Timothy 3:2) He tops the list of vices with self-love, seeing it as the root that leads to all kinds of evil behaviors. When self is exalted above all else, even above God, destructive attitudes and actions follow.

Lack of Empathy and Using Others

Another key characteristic of narcissists is their lack of empathy and tendency to exploit others for their own gain. They view people as objects to be used rather than individuals to be loved. Again, this is completely counter to the “love your neighbor as yourself” ethic that Christ preached (Mark 12:31).

The Apostle Paul rebuked the Corinthians for being self-seeking and not considering the needs of their brothers and sisters in Christ:

“No one should seek their own good, but the good of others.” (1 Corinthians 10:24)

He also warned the Philippians:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

These passages call believers to be humble, to consider others’ needs as more important than their own. This is the opposite of the narcissist’s “me first” mentality and disregard for others. Jesus modeled the ultimate act of humility and sacrifice by laying down his life for us (Philippians 2:8). As his followers, we are called to imitate that self-giving love.

Narcissists in the Bible

While the Bible does not use the term “narcissist,” it does give examples of people who exhibited narcissistic traits and how God dealt with them. Let’s look at a couple:

1. King Nebuchadnezzar
   This Babylonian king was the epitome of grandiosity and entitlement. He boasted, “Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?” (Daniel 4:30) God humbled Nebuchadnezzar by driving him insane and making him live like an animal for a period of time. Only after he acknowledged God’s sovereignty was his sanity and kingdom restored (Daniel 4:34-37). God opposed Nebuchadnezzar’s pride but showed him mercy when he humbled himself.
2. The Pharisees
   The Pharisees were the religious leaders of Jesus’ day who trusted in their own self-righteousness. They loved to be seen and praised by others and looked down on “sinners.” Jesus rebuked them harshly, saying: “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.” (Luke 16:15) The Pharisees’ self-exaltation and lack of compassion for others made them blind to their own sin.

These biblical accounts show that narcissistic pride and self-absorption lead people far from God. It is only in acknowledging our own brokenness and need for God that healing can begin. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.”

Dealing with Narcissists

So how should Christians respond to narcissistic people? Here are a few biblical principles:

1. Don’t enable sin
   While we are called to love others, we must be careful not to enable narcissistic abuse or toxicity. Paul instructs believers not to associate with a “so-called brother” who is arrogant and unrepentant (1 Corinthians 5:11). We may need to set boundaries or even distance ourselves from unrepentant narcissists.
2. Pray for them
   Only God can change a narcissist’s heart. Our role is to pray for them to have a revelation of their need for God. The Apostle Peter, once prideful, was radically transformed after he encountered the risen Christ. No one is beyond the reach of God’s grace.
3. Seek to overcome evil with good
   When we are mistreated by a narcissist, our natural response is to lash out or seek revenge. But Scripture instructs: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9) This is not easy to do, but it reflects the heart of Jesus who prayed for the forgiveness of those who crucified him (Luke 23:34).
4. Get support
   Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally and spiritually taxing. It’s important for those in close relationship with a narcissist to seek support through counseling, prayer, and Christian community. We are not meant to battle this alone.

While the Bible does not use the term “narcissism,” it has much to say about the self-centered pride and lack of empathy that characterize narcissistic personalities. Scripture condemns these attitudes as sinful and destructive. At the same time, the Bible offers hope that even the most narcissistic and prideful people can be transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit as they acknowledge their need for God.

As Christians, we are called to put off self-centeredness and pride, and to instead clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12). We look to Jesus, the ultimate example of humility and sacrificial love, and seek to reflect His character in our relationships with others. While we may not be able to change a narcissist, we can pray for them and entrust them to God, knowing that His desire is for all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Ultimately, it is only through the gospel – the good news of Christ’s death and resurrection to save us from sin and self – that true healing from narcissism can be found.