These attitudes toward marriage and motherhood are not just showing up in surveys; they are being reinforced, amplified, and celebrated in the online spaces where young women spend their time. Social media, especially TikTok, has become a kind of digital discipleship platform where young women mentor one another in how to think about men, relationships, and their future. And increasingly, the message is clear: stay away from men, guard your independence, and do not let romance or family derail your life.
The shift is not subtle. For hours every day, millions of young women are scrolling through content that presents singleness as liberation, men as burdens, and marriage as a risk too great to take. While older generations might have been shaped by magazines, Hollywood movies, or campus culture, Gen Z women are being formed by algorithms that learn what keeps them engaged and serve up more of the same. If anger, fear, and cynicism about men get clicks and shares, that is exactly what the feed will prioritize.
The Rise of Boy Sobriety
Commentators have noticed a TikTok-driven subculture that celebrates “boy sobriety” or “men-free seasons,” where young women encourage one another to avoid dating, keep their distance from men, and embrace a life defined by self-care, career, and female friendships rather than romance and family. Videos with millions of views feature women declaring they are “boy sober” for months or even years, sharing rules for how to stay off dating apps, avoid texting exes, and resist the temptation to pursue male attention.
Some of these videos are lighthearted, almost playful—women joking about how much easier life is without the drama of dating. But others carry a much harder edge, framing men as fundamentally untrustworthy, emotionally immature, or even dangerous. The tone ranges from lighthearted to militant, but the underlying current is the same: men are optional at best, dangerous at worst, and you are better off without them.
Celebrities have joined in, too. Actress Julia Fox publicly announced she had been celibate for over two years and described feeling better than ever, positioning her decision as a form of personal empowerment and self-protection. For young women watching, the message is clear: even beautiful, successful women are choosing to opt out of relationships with men, so why should you bother?
What Young Women Are Seeing Every Day
Alongside boy sobriety content are constant feeds that highlight the dark side of family life. Young women scroll past clips about abusive husbands, bitter divorces, exhausted mothers who regret having kids, and spiraling costs for housing and childcare that make family formation feel impossible. True crime podcasts and documentaries reinforce the narrative that marriage can be deadly, and TikTok videos warn about financial abuse, weaponized incompetence, and men who refuse to share household labor.
“Weaponized incompetence” has become a viral term to describe husbands who pretend they cannot do basic household tasks so their wives will take over. Videos show men burning dinner, ruining laundry, or acting helpless with their own children, and the comment sections explode with women sharing their own horror stories. The narrative is reinforced over and over: men will not pull their weight, they will not grow up, and you will end up exhausted and alone even if you are married.
For girls who already watched their parents’ marriages struggle or collapse, this nonstop stream of negative stories can make marriage and motherhood look less like a blessing and more like a trap to be escaped at all costs. Instead of seeing examples of covenant love, mutual service, and Christ-centered homes, they see dysfunction, disappointment, and danger. The algorithm learns what keeps them watching and keeps serving up more reasons to stay single, more reasons to doubt men, and more reasons to believe that independence is the only safe path forward.
The Echo Chamber Effect
What makes these online subcultures especially powerful is that they function as echo chambers. Young women who express doubts about marriage or who share painful stories about men receive instant validation, encouragement, and community from thousands of strangers who say, “You are so right. Do not settle. Protect yourself. You do not need a man.”
Dissenting voices—women who speak positively about marriage or who suggest that not all men are harmful—are often drowned out or dismissed as naive, brainwashed, or “pick-mes” desperate for male approval. The term “pick me girl” has become a favorite insult online, used to shame any woman who defends men, expresses interest in traditional femininity, or suggests that marriage and motherhood might be good. According to the logic of these spaces, if you are not constantly critical of men, you must be trying too hard to impress them, which makes you pathetic and unworthy of respect.
This creates a self-reinforcing loop. The more time a young woman spends in these spaces, the more her views harden. She becomes less open to nuance, less willing to consider that her fears might be overblown, and less able to imagine a healthy, God-honoring marriage because she has never seen one modeled online or offline. Her digital community rewards her for staying bitter and punishes her for staying hopeful.
The Real Cost of the Boy Sober Movement
At first glance, boy sobriety might seem harmless or even wise. After all, there is nothing wrong with a season of singleness, and plenty of young women do need space to heal from past hurts or to stop chasing unhealthy relationships. The Bible never commands everyone to be dating at all times, and there are legitimate reasons to step back and focus on spiritual growth.
But the boy sober movement as it exists online is not primarily about healing or about seeking the Lord. It is about building an identity around distrust, bitterness, and independence from men. It teaches young women to see vulnerability as weakness, commitment as a trap, and men as the enemy. It celebrates autonomy as the highest good and mocks women who still believe in covenant marriage as naive or brainwashed.
The cost of this mindset is already showing up in the data. Fewer young women say they want to marry or have children, and many expect to stay single for life. Some will look back in their thirties and forties with regret, realizing they were discipled by an algorithm rather than by wisdom, and that the online voices promising them freedom actually robbed them of the possibility of deep, lifelong love.
A Christian Response
From a Christian perspective, these online subcultures are deeply troubling because they are actively discipling young women away from God’s design for marriage and family. The church must recognize that social media is not neutral ground; it is a battleground for hearts and minds, and right now, many young women are being catechized by TikTok influencers rather than by Scripture and the body of Christ.
The solution is not to ignore the real pain and dysfunction these young women have witnessed, but to offer a better story. Churches need to showcase real marriages that reflect the gospel—imperfect couples who repent, forgive, and grow in grace together. Parents need to model sacrificial love in their own homes and talk honestly with their daughters about both the challenges and the joys of covenant marriage. And Christian mentors need to engage young women where they are, acknowledging their fears while gently pointing them back to the goodness of God’s design and the sufficiency of Christ to heal what is broken.
We also need to help young women develop discernment about what they are consuming online. The algorithm is not neutral, and it is not their friend. It is designed to keep them scrolling, and it will feed them whatever content keeps them angry, afraid, or entertained, regardless of whether that content is true or helpful. Teaching young women to recognize when they are being manipulated by their feeds is an act of spiritual care.
Offering a Better Vision
Ultimately, the church’s task is not to shame young women for their fears or to demand that they “just get over it” and get married. It is to offer a vision of marriage and family that is beautiful, biblical, and believable. That means being honest about the reality of sin and suffering, but also pointing to the power of the gospel to transform relationships.
Young women need to see marriages where husbands lay down their lives like Christ, where wives respect and support their husbands, and where both partners are growing in holiness together. They need to hear from older couples who have walked through hard seasons and come out stronger. They need to be reminded that the goal of marriage is not personal happiness, but mutual sanctification and the display of Christ’s love for His bride.
And they need to know that while boy sobriety might offer temporary relief from the chaos of modern dating, it cannot offer the deep joy, intimacy, and purpose that come from covenant love lived out under the Lordship of Christ. The algorithm will never tell them that. But the church must.