So, you’re engaged—or thinking about it—and suddenly what seemed like a straightforward path turns cold and slippery. The question at the front of your mind: “Is this normal, or am I about to make a giant mistake?” If that sounds familiar, take a deep breath. Cold feet before marriage are much more common than you might think. You’re not broken. You’re not faithless. You’re human. And as Christians, facing these fears honestly can be the first step toward a marriage built on truth, faith, and hope—not naive optimism or denial.
Why People Are Scared to Get Married
Let’s just call it what it is: Marriage is a huge commitment. Standing up in front of God, your family, your friends—and promising “forever?” That’s a mighty big leap. But these days, it feels even riskier.
The Shadow of Divorce
Wherever you look, marriages seem to be falling apart. Nearly fifty percent of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, and the numbers aren’t all that different for Christians. If you grew up in a family torn apart by divorce or watched friends’ marriages unravel, you know the scars this leaves. The thought creeps in: “Will I end up the same?”
A Whole Lifetime—With One Person?
Long-term commitment scares people. Our culture loves the idea of “options”—and when you marry, those options get closed for good. For some, the fear is about giving up independence. For others, it’s a nagging sense that “maybe I won’t be a good spouse,” or “what if I get bored, or realize we’re not as compatible as I thought?” These are honest worries.
The Messy Models Around Us
Few of us have perfect role models. If our parents struggled—or split up—we inherit some of their baggage. Unfaithfulness, poor communication, financial strife, or just plain growing apart are real reasons we see marriages fail. Others may never have seen a marriage up-close that actually worked.
Pressure From All Sides
The pressure to marry—often felt double in Christian circles—adds to the stress. Maybe your church community, family, or well-meaning friends pour on expectations. Suddenly, what should be a joyful step of faith feels like trying to pass an impossible test.
What’s Really Going on Under the Surface?
At its core, fear of marriage usually isn’t about picking the wrong cake flavor or venue. It’s about the weight of the promise, the reality of our broken world, and the honest truth that love can and does fail—sometimes even when God is involved. Sometimes, cold feet are a signal to pause and reflect. Doubts might point to something unresolved—baggage from past relationships, fears of losing yourself, or anxieties about your partner’s flaws or your own. Other times, it’s just the natural result of growing up seeing so many breakups that your view of marriage got clouded over time.
The Christian Perspective: Hope Beyond the Statistics
If you find yourself paralyzed by fear, it’s important to get a clear picture of marriage from a biblical view. God didn’t invent marriage to make people miserable or to set them up for failure. Scripture describes marriage as a gift (Genesis 2:24)—a covenant, not a contract. A place where two broken people, with God’s help, become more together than they could ever be apart. Ephesians 5 calls us to a vision for marriage based on Christ’s sacrificial, never-giving-up love. This isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a love that survives hard times, disappointments, and even wounds. When Jesus called his followers to forgiveness, patience, and humility, He knew it would often be tested most acutely in the context of our closest relationships.
Why Are So Many Marriages Still Failing?
Even Christians aren’t immune. Part of the problem is walking into marriage expecting someone else to fix, fulfill, or complete us. It’s unrealistic. Trouble starts when we go in clinging to a “happily ever after” narrative—forgetting that God uses marriage to shape us, teach us, and make us more like Christ by learning to serve, forgive, and love sacrificially. Marriage, at its best, is not about always feeling close or in love; it’s about choosing to love, again and again, through the highs, lows, and ordinary days.
Facing the Fear: What Can You Do?
Alright, if cold feet are so normal—what’s a Christ-follower to do? How can fear become a tool for growth, rather than a trigger for panic or paralysis?
Be Honest—With Yourself and Your Fiancé(e)
Don’t ignore your doubts. Sit with them. Write them out. Pray about them. Have open, vulnerable conversations with your partner. You might be surprised to find they share similar worries. Hiding fear lets it control you; shining the light on it robs it of its power.
Seek Wisdom, Not Just Reassurance
This isn’t a time for “Yes-Men.” Lean into community. Reach out to a pastor, Christian counselor, or a couple you respect. Take advantage of premarital counseling to talk through essential issues—communication, faith, finances, intimacy, conflict, and family backgrounds. A wise counselor won’t just rubber-stamp your wedding; they’ll help you discover if your fears are warning signs or simply growing pains.
Ground Yourself in God’s Promises
Fear often comes when we look for guarantees. But in Christ, while we’re not guaranteed a pain-free marriage, we are promised God’s presence, grace, and guidance. The way forward is to root your commitment not in feelings, but in God’s faithfulness. Pray together about your anxieties. Read Scripture about marriage and God’s promises. Let His Word transform worry into confidence anchored in something deeper than emotions.
Remember What Love Really Means
The world says love is a feeling, but the Bible says it’s a decision, an action, a way of living that puts the other person first. Real love is messy, patient, kind—it keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13). If you walk into marriage expecting constant butterflies, disappointment isn’t far behind. But if you enter ready to practice forgiveness and humility—and to receive it in return—you set the stage for grace.
Don’t Let Divorce Statistics Dictate Your Story
Yes, the stats look grim. But statistics don’t determine destiny. Many couples—Christian or not—break the cycle of brokenness. They do it by making Christ the center, choosing humility, staying connected to healthy community, and by learning to face problems quickly instead of hiding from them. A marriage isn’t doomed because culture says so, or because your parents split up. God is in the business of redeeming stories. Your past shapes you, but it doesn’t have to define you. Let what you’ve seen—good and bad—inform your vision for marriage, but don’t let it control you.
Move Forward In Faith, Not Fear
At the end of the day, fear isn’t a sign you’re unfit for marriage. It’s a cue to dig deeper, trust God more, and invite wise voices into your journey. Jesus taught, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” (Matthew 6:34). He wasn’t promising an easy road—just a faithful Guide. If you’re experiencing cold feet, don’t rush, don’t hide, and don’t despair. Face your fears honestly, grounded in prayer and truth. Own your anxieties and let God shape them into wisdom. Remember that no marriage—no matter how perfect the couple—ever coasts along without challenges. But for those who trust in Christ, who prioritize faithfulness and forgiveness, marriage can truly be a place where imperfect love reflects a perfect Savior.
So take the next step with open eyes and an open heart. Bring your doubts, your wounds, your hopes, and your prayers to the One who created marriage—and watch Him work in ways you never expected.