Couples’ Conflict Mistakes

Conflict is an inevitable part of any marriage, even for Christian couples. While disagreements and differing perspectives are normal, how spouses handle conflict can either strengthen or strain their relationship. Unfortunately, many Christian couples make common mistakes when dealing with marital conflicts that can hinder resolution and damage their unity.

An introduction that effectively sets the stage for exploring this topic could be: Navigating marital conflicts in a God-honoring way is a challenge many Christian couples face. Despite having a shared faith and commitment to biblical principles, spouses often struggle to resolve disagreements in a healthy, productive manner. From avoiding difficult conversations to attacking each other personally during arguments, there are pitfalls that can undermine conflict resolution and harm the marriage bond.

Mistakes Christian Couples Make in Conflict

Failing to prioritize understanding over being understood, couples often attack each other’s character instead of the issue at hand. Bringing up past grievances convolutes discussions, while avoiding disagreements altogether allows resentment to fester. Defensiveness shuts down communication, as does the refusal to take responsibility for one’s role. Spiritualizing conflicts by using Scripture as a weapon rather than a guide is another common misstep. Ultimately, pride and selfishness prevent the humble compromise and forgiveness needed to resolve conflicts in a God-honoring way.

Examples of Counterproductive Behaviors

• Yelling, name-calling or screaming during disagreements.
• Bringing up past issues or grievances that are unrelated to the current conflict.
• Exaggerating a spouse’s shortcomings with global statements like “you never” or “you always.”
• Refusing to compromise or see the other’s perspective, insisting on getting one’s way.
• Withdrawing from the discussion entirely by stonewalling or giving the silent treatment.
• Involving others by gossiping about the conflict instead of addressing it directly with one’s spouse.

Honoring God in Conflict Resolution

Approaching disagreements with humility, empathy, and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives is crucial. Couples should resist the temptation to attack one another personally, instead focusing on the issue at hand and seeking compromise. Extending forgiveness, taking responsibility for one’s actions, and committing to change negative patterns are also vital.

• Pray together, inviting God’s wisdom and guidance into the conflict resolution process.
• Speak with love, kindness, and respect, avoiding harsh language or sarcasm.
• Listen actively without interrupting, seeking to grasp your spouse’s viewpoint.
• Agree to discuss one issue at a time, without bringing up past grievances.
• If emotions escalate, take a break and revisit the discussion when calmer.

Biblical Principles for Healthy Conflict

Applying biblical principles is key for healthy conflict resolution in Christian marriages. Ephesians 4:2-3 exhorts believers to be “humble and gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Couples should:

• Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), avoiding harsh words that tear down.
• Forgive one another as Christ forgave (Colossians 3:13), letting go of grievances.
• Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19), seeking first to understand.
• Pursue peace and mutual upbuilding (Romans 14:19), with the goal of restoring unity.

Resolving conflicts while honoring these scriptural exhortations allows Christian spouses to work through disagreements in a way that glorifies God and strengthens their covenant bond.