Dealing with an Addicted Partner

Let’s be real for a minute: loving someone who struggles with addiction can feel like you’re on a never-ending roller coaster. One day, there’s hope and laughter; the next, you’re bracing for another storm. If you’re reading this, you probably know that pain all too well. Maybe you’re married to someone addicted to alcohol, drugs, pornography, or something else that’s taken hold of their life-and yours. You love them, but you’re exhausted, scared, and wondering what God wants you to do next.

If that’s you, you’re not alone. Many Christian spouses walk this difficult road. As someone who’s spent decades counseling couples and families, I want to offer you hope, practical wisdom, and biblical encouragement for the journey. Let’s talk honestly about what it means to deal with an addicted partner-and how you can find strength, set boundaries, and keep your faith intact along the way.

1. Acknowledge the Reality-And the Pain

First things first: addiction is real, and it’s devastating. It’s not just “a bad habit” or a phase your spouse will outgrow. Addiction has the power to destroy trust, finances, intimacy, and even faith. It can turn the person you love into someone you hardly recognize.

It’s easy to feel ashamed or to pretend things aren’t as bad as they seem. But the Bible never asks us to live in denial. In fact, Scripture is full of honest laments and raw prayers-just read the Psalms! God can handle your pain, your anger, and your confusion. Bring it all to Him.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18

It’s okay to grieve what addiction has stolen. It’s okay to admit you’re hurting. Healing starts with honesty-before God, before yourself, and, when it’s safe, before your spouse.

2. Lean on Prayer and Scripture

When your partner is addicted, life can feel utterly out of control. You can’t fix them. You can’t force them to change. But you can bring your burdens to the One who holds all things together.

Prayer isn’t just a last resort; it’s your lifeline. Pray for your spouse’s freedom, for your own wisdom, and for God’s intervention in your marriage. Pour out your heart honestly-God isn’t shocked by your fears or frustrations. Pray for hope, strength, and guidance each day.

Here are a few prayers you might use:

• Prayer for Guidance:
  “Heavenly Father, show me how to support my spouse with compassion and wisdom. Lead me to the help we need. Give me strength for this journey. Amen.”

• Prayer for Strength:
  “Lord, grant me the courage to face each day. Help me to be patient and loving, even when it’s hard. Remind me that I am not alone. Amen.”

• Prayer for Freedom:
  “Father, break the chains of addiction in my spouse’s life. Remind them of Your love and power. Bring healing and hope to our home. Amen.”

Don’t underestimate the comfort of Scripture. Verses like Philippians 4:13-“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”-can become anchors for your soul1.

3. Set Healthy, Godly Boundaries

Here’s where many Christians get stuck. We’re called to love, forgive, and show grace-but does that mean we have to accept destructive behavior? Absolutely not. In fact, the Bible teaches us to set boundaries for the sake of our own hearts, our children, and even the addicted spouse.

Setting boundaries isn’t about punishment; it’s about protection and clarity. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Sometimes loving someone means saying “no” to certain behaviors so that healing can begin.

What might boundaries look like?

• No drugs or alcohol in the home.

• No driving the kids while under the influence.

• No lying or hiding addictive behaviors.

• Seeking counseling or attending recovery meetings as a requirement for rebuilding trust.

If your spouse is a professing Christian but refuses to repent or seek help, Matthew 18:15–17 gives a process for loving confrontation and, if necessary, involving others for accountability. If your spouse is not a believer or refuses all help, 1 Corinthians 7:15 suggests that you are not bound to endure abuse or chaos without recourse.

Boundaries are not unloving; they are biblical. They create space for God to work and for real change to happen.

4. Practice Self-Care Without Guilt

It’s easy to pour all your energy into your spouse’s struggle and forget about yourself. But neglecting your own health-physically, emotionally, and spiritually-will only leave you depleted and unable to help anyone.

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s stewardship. Jesus Himself took time to rest, pray, and be renewed. You need support, too. Find a counselor, pastor, or support group who understands addiction and faith. Take time for activities that refresh your soul, whether it’s exercise, hobbies, or simply a quiet cup of coffee with a friend.

Remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself honors God and puts you in a better position to love your spouse well.

5. Seek Wise, Faith-Based Support

You don’t have to walk this road alone. Addiction thrives in secrecy and isolation, but healing happens in community. Reach out for help-from your church, a Christian counselor, or a support group for spouses of addicts.

Christian counseling can be especially helpful because it integrates biblical truth with practical strategies for dealing with addiction. A good Christian counselor will help you process your pain, set healthy boundaries, and rebuild your faith as you navigate this journey.

If your spouse is willing, encourage them to seek help, too-through counseling, recovery programs, or accountability groups. But remember: you can’t force them to change. You are responsible for your own choices, not theirs.

6. Understand the Spiritual Battle

Addiction isn’t just a physical or emotional problem; it’s a spiritual one, too. The Bible describes addiction as a form of bondage or idolatry-something that takes the place of God in a person’s heart. Addiction promises relief but delivers slavery.

Pray for your spouse’s spiritual freedom. Ask God to break the chains of addiction and to draw your partner back to Himself. Remember, Jesus came to set captives free (Luke 4:18).

But also, guard your own heart against bitterness, despair, or enabling. Trust that God is working, even when you can’t see it.

7. Show Grace, But Don’t Enable

Grace is at the heart of the Christian life. Jesus calls us to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) and to love even when it’s hard. But grace doesn’t mean enabling destructive behavior. There’s a difference between forgiveness and allowing someone to continue in sin unchecked.

You can love your spouse deeply and still say, “This behavior is not okay.” You can pray for them and still insist on boundaries. You can hope for their recovery and still take steps to protect yourself and your children.

Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is to allow your spouse to experience the consequences of their choices. This may mean letting them face legal trouble, job loss, or broken relationships. It’s not easy-but sometimes it’s the wake-up call they need.

8. Hope in God’s Redemption

Addiction is a thief, but it doesn’t get the final word. With God, there is always hope for redemption, healing, and new beginnings. I’ve seen marriages restored, families healed, and addicts set free by the power of Christ.

No matter how dark things seem, keep your eyes on Jesus. He is bigger than addiction. He loves your spouse even more than you do. And He promises to work all things-even this-for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

9. Practical Steps for Today

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with these simple steps:

• Pray daily for your spouse and yourself.

• Set one healthy boundary and communicate it clearly.

• Reach out to a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor for support.

• Take care of your own health and spiritual life.

• Remember, you are not alone-God is with you, and help is available.

Final Encouragement

Dealing with an addicted partner is one of the hardest challenges you may ever face. But you don’t have to walk this path alone. God sees your pain. He hears your prayers. He is working, even when you can’t see it.

Stay rooted in prayer and Scripture. Set boundaries with love and courage. Take care of yourself. Seek help from others who understand. And above all, don’t lose hope. God is in the business of redemption, and He can bring beauty from even the messiest situations.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:13

You are loved. You are seen. And with God’s help, you can face whatever comes next.

If you or your spouse need immediate help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor, pastor, or addiction recovery ministry in your area. You are not alone.