Dealing with Hurt in a Biblical Way

We all experience hurt in our lives – it’s an inevitable part of living in a fallen world. People will let us down, disappoint us, betray us, and cause us pain, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Even those closest to us like family members, friends, and spouses can deeply wound us at times. The question is not whether we will face hurt, but how we will respond to it. The Bible provides us with wisdom for effectively dealing with hurt in a God-honoring way.

Bring Your Pain to God

The first step in dealing with hurt biblically is to take it to God in prayer. We see many examples in the Psalms of the writers pouring out their hurt, anger, and anguish to the Lord. Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” God invites us to cast all our cares and anxieties on Him because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). When we are hurting, we can come boldly before His throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace to help in our time of need (Hebrews 4:16).

Bringing our hurt to God means being completely honest and vulnerable with Him. We don’t need to sugarcoat our pain or pretend it doesn’t bother us. God already knows what we’re feeling anyway. The Psalms show us we can express our raw emotions like anger, sadness, confusion, and even a desire for vengeance or vindication. God can handle our strong negative emotions – He just wants us to take them to Him rather than stuff them down or act on them in sinful ways.

As we pour out our hearts to God, He can begin to heal us and give us His peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7). He is the God of all comfort who comforts us in our afflictions (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). Spending time in His presence and His Word can soothe our hurt and remind us of His love, sovereignty, and good purposes for our lives.

Forgive the Offense

One of the hardest but most important steps in dealing with hurt is to forgive the person who hurt us. Jesus commanded in Luke 6:37, “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Forgiveness is not minimizing the offense or saying it was okay. It is a decision to release the debt owed to us and not hold it against the person anymore. It is choosing to show mercy just as God has mercifully forgiven us.

Forgiveness is so important because unforgiveness is toxic – it allows hurt and bitterness to fester in our hearts. Hebrews 12:15 warns against any “root of bitterness” springing up and causing trouble. Bitterness will negatively impact every area of our lives if we allow it to take root. It will strain our relationships, steal our joy, and potentially even make us physically sick. Forgiveness, on the other hand, brings freedom and allows us to move forward in healing.

Forgiveness is ultimately an act of obedience. When we forgive those who hurt us, we are obeying God’s command and following the example of Christ who forgave us. It is making a decision of the will to release the offense, even if our feelings haven’t quite caught up yet. Over time, as we continue to choose forgiveness, our emotions will follow.

Respond with Grace and Love

Once we have forgiven the person who hurt us, we need to respond to them with grace and love rather than retaliation or holding a grudge. This can be extremely difficult, especially if the hurt was severe or ongoing. But we are called to “bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them” (Romans 12:14). We are to “repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all” (Romans 12:17).

Responding in grace doesn’t mean we become doormats or allow people to continually hurt us. There is wisdom in setting boundaries if needed to protect ourselves from further harm. But our motivation should be love and concern for the person’s wellbeing, not revenge or seeing them get what they deserve. We can hate the sin while still loving the sinner.

Jesus is our ultimate example of how to respond to hurt with grace and love. While being mocked, beaten, and crucified, He said “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). He did not retaliate or hold a grudge, but extended compassion and forgiveness. We are called to have this same attitude (Philippians 2:5).

Find Healing in Community

We are not meant to deal with hurt alone – God has given us the body of Christ, the church, to walk through suffering together. The Bible instructs us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15), and “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Opening up to trusted believers in our lives and allowing them to share our burdens can bring tremendous healing and comfort. Sometimes we need others to provide a listening ear, godly counsel, intercessory prayer, and encouragement to persevere. An outside perspective can also help us identify any bitterness or unforgiveness we may be blind to in ourselves.

The church is meant to be a community of grace where we can be authentic about our struggles and find support. As we are open and vulnerable about our hurts, it allows others to do the same and experience freedom as well. Healing happens best in the context of biblical community.

Allow God to Redeem the Hurt

While dealing with hurt is painful, we can be confident that God can redeem it for good in our lives. The Bible says “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). God doesn’t cause hurt and suffering, but He can bring good purposes out of it if we trust Him.

Perhaps God will use your hurt to increase your compassion for others, develop perseverance and character, deepen your faith, or give you a ministry of comforting others with the comfort you received (2 Corinthians 1:4). He may use it to prune away selfishness, pride, or idols in your life and help you rely on Him more fully. Or He may simply use it to increase your eternal reward and bring Himself more glory.

As hard as it is, we can choose to have an eternal perspective on our hurts and trust that God will work it out for our good and His glory in the end. Joseph was able to tell his brothers who sold him into slavery, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20). We may not see the good purposes right away, but we can have faith that our suffering is not in vain.

Dealing with hurt is one of the hardest parts of the Christian life. But when we bring our pain to God, forgive those who hurt us, respond with grace, find healing in community, and trust God to redeem it, we can experience freedom and healing. God can use our hurts to shape us into the image of Christ if we let Him. So let us “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4).