Do You Need Marriage Counseling?

Every marriage faces seasons of struggle, but sometimes the distance between you and your spouse feels too great to bridge alone. Marriage counseling can be a lifeline for couples who want to restore connection, heal wounds, and grow closer-physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This 40-item self-assessment will help you honestly evaluate the health of your marriage in all three areas. For each statement, answer “Yes” if it is true for you, or “No” if it is not. Be honest-this is for your benefit.

Test Items

1. We have arguments that never seem to get resolved.

2. I often feel misunderstood or emotionally disconnected from my spouse.

3. One or both of us has considered separation or divorce.

4. We rarely spend quality time together as a couple.

5. I feel emotionally unsupported by my spouse.

6. We struggle to communicate openly without things turning negative.

7. There has been a betrayal of trust (such as infidelity, secrecy, or dishonesty).

8. I feel more like a roommate than a partner.

9. We disagree about important issues (money, parenting, faith) and can’t find common ground.

10. I often feel lonely, even when we’re together.

11. One or both of us holds onto past hurts or resentment.

12. We avoid talking about certain topics because they always lead to conflict.

13. Our physical intimacy (affection, touch, or sex) has significantly decreased or disappeared.

14. I feel criticized, rejected, or put down by my spouse.

15. We have trouble making decisions together.

16. One or both of us struggles with anger, addiction, or unhealthy habits.

17. I feel unappreciated or taken for granted.

18. We have trouble trusting each other.

19. Our arguments sometimes become disrespectful or hurtful.

20. I worry about the impact our marriage is having on our children.

21. We have trouble forgiving each other.

22. I feel like we’re growing apart rather than together.

23. We rarely pray together or talk about our spiritual lives.

24. One or both of us has secrets we’re keeping from the other.

25. We struggle to set healthy boundaries with extended family or friends.

26. I feel hopeless about the future of our marriage.

27. We’ve tried to fix things on our own, but nothing seems to work.

28. I’m afraid to be honest with my spouse about my feelings or desires.

29. I wish things could go back to the way they used to be.

30. I wonder if counseling could help us, but I’m not sure where to start.

31. One or both of us uses sarcasm, name-calling, or belittling language during arguments.

32. We avoid spending time together because it usually leads to tension.

33. I feel like my spouse doesn’t support my personal goals or dreams.

34. Our family or friends have expressed concern about our relationship.

35. I feel like we’re just “going through the motions” in our marriage.

36. One or both of us has threatened divorce during an argument.

37. We struggle to agree on how to discipline or raise our children.

38. I feel like my spouse doesn’t respect my opinions or boundaries.

39. We have difficulty resolving conflict in a healthy, respectful way.

40. I feel spiritually disconnected from my spouse, or we don’t share our faith journey together.

Scoring Key:

Count the number of “Yes” answers.

• 0-7 Yes answers:
  Your marriage appears to be in a healthy place, though every relationship can benefit from intentional growth. Keep investing in your marriage and address any small issues before they become bigger problems.

• 8-16 Yes answers:
  You’re experiencing some challenges that could benefit from attention. Consider having an open conversation with your spouse about your concerns. Marriage counseling could be helpful to strengthen your relationship-especially in areas of physical, emotional, or spiritual intimacy.

• 17-28 Yes answers:
  There are significant struggles in your marriage that are affecting your connection and well-being. Seeking marriage counseling is strongly recommended. A Christian counselor can help you work through these issues with biblical wisdom and practical tools.

• 29 or more Yes answers:
  Your marriage is in serious distress. Don’t wait-reach out for help as soon as possible. Marriage counseling can provide a safe, supportive environment to address deep wounds, restore trust, and rebuild your relationship on a Christ-centered foundation.

Remember:
Needing help is not a sign of failure-it’s a step of faith and courage. God desires healing and wholeness for your marriage-physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor or trusted pastor. There is hope, and you don’t have to walk this journey alone.