For Christian couples, dating is not just about finding a romantic partner, but about discerning God’s will and growing together in faith. While the Bible doesn’t provide specific guidelines for dating, it does offer timeless principles that can guide Christian couples as they navigate relationships. Here are some essential tips for Christian dating:
Put God First
The most important principle for Christian dating is to keep God at the center of your relationship. As Jesus said in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Make your relationship with God the top priority, even above your romantic relationship. Pray together, study Scripture together, attend church together, and encourage each other in your individual walks with Christ. When you both pursue God first, it creates a strong spiritual foundation for your relationship.
Some practical ways to put God first in your dating relationship:
By intentionally cultivating your spiritual lives as a couple, you’ll grow closer to God and to each other. This spiritual intimacy will strengthen your relationship far more than physical or emotional intimacy alone.
Set Clear Boundaries
One of the biggest challenges for Christian couples is maintaining sexual purity before marriage. The Bible is clear that sex is designed for marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2, Hebrews 13:4). As Paul exhorts in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”
To honor God and each other, it’s crucial to set clear physical and emotional boundaries early in the relationship. Have an open conversation about your convictions and agree on lines you won’t cross. Some boundaries to consider:
Remember that purity is not just about avoiding sexual sin, but actively pursuing holiness. Focus on building emotional and spiritual intimacy rather than physical intimacy. When you honor God’s design for sexuality, it protects your relationship and sets you up for a strong marriage in the future.
Get to Know Each Other’s Character
While attraction and chemistry are important, the foundation of a godly relationship is character. As Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Look beyond outward appearances and get to know each other’s hearts, values, and relationship with God.
Some key character qualities to look for:
Take time to observe how your partner treats others, handles stress, and lives out their faith day to day. Their character will have a huge impact on your future together, so don’t ignore red flags. Seek input from trusted friends and mentors who can offer an outside perspective on your relationship.
Pursue Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy
While maintaining physical boundaries, Christian couples should focus on cultivating deep emotional and spiritual intimacy. Get to know each other on a soul level by having meaningful conversations, sharing your hopes and dreams, discussing your faith journeys, and being vulnerable about your struggles.
Some ways to build intimacy:
As you open your hearts to each other, you’ll develop a strong foundation of trust, understanding, and spiritual connection. This kind of intimacy takes time and intentionality to develop, but it’s what will sustain your relationship long-term.
Involve Community
Christian dating shouldn’t happen in isolation. It’s important to involve trusted friends, family, and church community in your relationship. As Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Seek wisdom and accountability from:
Let others speak into your relationship, ask you hard questions, and offer an outside perspective. Be open to counsel and correction. Having community support will strengthen your relationship and help you stay on track.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Good communication is essential for any healthy relationship. Make it a priority to communicate openly, honestly, and regularly. Share your thoughts, feelings, expectations, and concerns. Be willing to have difficult conversations and work through conflict in a loving way.
Some communication tips:
Learning to communicate well takes practice, but it will serve you well throughout your relationship and future marriage. Don’t let issues fester – address concerns promptly and lovingly.
Serve Together
One of the best ways for Christian couples to grow together is by serving others. Look for opportunities to minister together, whether at church, in your community, or on mission trips. Serving side by side allows you to see each other’s gifts in action and bond over a shared purpose.
Some ideas for serving as a couple:
As you serve God together, you’ll grow in your faith and relationship. It takes the focus off yourselves and allows you to make an impact for God’s kingdom as a team.
Have Fun and Enjoy Each Other
While Christian dating should be intentional, don’t forget to relax and have fun together too! Enjoy getting to know each other, try new activities, laugh often, and make great memories. A godly relationship can and should be enjoyable.
Fun date ideas:
Building friendship and having fun together creates a strong relational foundation. Don’t take yourselves too seriously – enjoy the gift of each other’s company.
Keep the Right Perspective
As you navigate Christian dating, keep the right perspective. Remember that your identity and worth come from Christ, not your relationship status. Don’t put pressure on the relationship to fulfill you or make you whole – only God can do that.
View dating as a season of getting to know someone and discerning if marriage is God’s will for you. Be patient with the process and trust in God’s timing. If the relationship ends, know that God is still in control and has good plans for you.
Above all, seek to honor God in your dating relationship. When you keep Him at the center, He will guide your steps and use your relationship for His glory.
By following these biblical principles, Christian couples can build strong, God-honoring relationships. With intentionality, wisdom, and a focus on spiritual growth, dating can be a beautiful season of growing in love for God and each other.
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