Categories: Relationships

Essential Dating Advice for Couples

For Christian couples, dating is not just about finding a romantic partner, but about discerning God’s will and growing together in faith. While the Bible doesn’t provide specific guidelines for dating, it does offer timeless principles that can guide Christian couples as they navigate relationships. Here are some essential tips for Christian dating:

Put God First

The most important principle for Christian dating is to keep God at the center of your relationship. As Jesus said in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Make your relationship with God the top priority, even above your romantic relationship. Pray together, study Scripture together, attend church together, and encourage each other in your individual walks with Christ. When you both pursue God first, it creates a strong spiritual foundation for your relationship.

Some practical ways to put God first in your dating relationship:

  • Have regular prayer times together
  • Read and discuss the Bible together
  • Attend church and small groups together
  • Serve in ministry together
  • Keep each other accountable in your personal devotional lives
  • Make decisions together based on biblical principles

By intentionally cultivating your spiritual lives as a couple, you’ll grow closer to God and to each other. This spiritual intimacy will strengthen your relationship far more than physical or emotional intimacy alone.

Set Clear Boundaries

One of the biggest challenges for Christian couples is maintaining sexual purity before marriage. The Bible is clear that sex is designed for marriage (1 Corinthians 7:2, Hebrews 13:4). As Paul exhorts in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God.”

To honor God and each other, it’s crucial to set clear physical and emotional boundaries early in the relationship. Have an open conversation about your convictions and agree on lines you won’t cross. Some boundaries to consider:

  • Limiting time alone together, especially late at night
  • Avoiding situations that could lead to temptation
  • Setting physical limits (e.g. no lying down together, keeping clothes on)
  • Being accountable to mentors or friends
  • Guarding your thought lives and what media you consume
  • Saving certain expressions of intimacy for marriage

Remember that purity is not just about avoiding sexual sin, but actively pursuing holiness. Focus on building emotional and spiritual intimacy rather than physical intimacy. When you honor God’s design for sexuality, it protects your relationship and sets you up for a strong marriage in the future.

Get to Know Each Other’s Character

While attraction and chemistry are important, the foundation of a godly relationship is character. As Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Look beyond outward appearances and get to know each other’s hearts, values, and relationship with God.

Some key character qualities to look for:

  • Spiritual maturity and commitment to Christ
  • Integrity and honesty
  • Kindness and compassion
  • Humility and teachability
  • Emotional stability
  • Work ethic and responsibility
  • Ability to communicate and resolve conflict

Take time to observe how your partner treats others, handles stress, and lives out their faith day to day. Their character will have a huge impact on your future together, so don’t ignore red flags. Seek input from trusted friends and mentors who can offer an outside perspective on your relationship.

Pursue Emotional and Spiritual Intimacy

While maintaining physical boundaries, Christian couples should focus on cultivating deep emotional and spiritual intimacy. Get to know each other on a soul level by having meaningful conversations, sharing your hopes and dreams, discussing your faith journeys, and being vulnerable about your struggles.

Some ways to build intimacy:

  • Ask thoughtful questions to understand each other’s hearts and minds
  • Share your testimonies and how God is working in your lives
  • Pray together and for each other
  • Serve together in ministry
  • Have fun and laugh together
  • Be honest about your feelings, fears, and weaknesses
  • Encourage and affirm each other

As you open your hearts to each other, you’ll develop a strong foundation of trust, understanding, and spiritual connection. This kind of intimacy takes time and intentionality to develop, but it’s what will sustain your relationship long-term.

Involve Community

Christian dating shouldn’t happen in isolation. It’s important to involve trusted friends, family, and church community in your relationship. As Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

Seek wisdom and accountability from:

  • Mentors or an older married couple
  • Your pastor or church leaders
  • Godly friends who know you well
  • Small group or Bible study members
  • Parents and family (when appropriate)

Let others speak into your relationship, ask you hard questions, and offer an outside perspective. Be open to counsel and correction. Having community support will strengthen your relationship and help you stay on track.

Communicate Openly and Honestly

Good communication is essential for any healthy relationship. Make it a priority to communicate openly, honestly, and regularly. Share your thoughts, feelings, expectations, and concerns. Be willing to have difficult conversations and work through conflict in a loving way.

Some communication tips:

  • Set aside regular time to talk without distractions
  • Practice active listening
  • Express appreciation and affirmation often
  • Be honest about your feelings, even when it’s hard
  • Admit when you’re wrong and ask forgiveness
  • Disagree respectfully without attacking each other
  • Pray together when you face challenges

Learning to communicate well takes practice, but it will serve you well throughout your relationship and future marriage. Don’t let issues fester – address concerns promptly and lovingly.

Serve Together

One of the best ways for Christian couples to grow together is by serving others. Look for opportunities to minister together, whether at church, in your community, or on mission trips. Serving side by side allows you to see each other’s gifts in action and bond over a shared purpose.

Some ideas for serving as a couple:

  • Volunteer at a local ministry or nonprofit
  • Help with children’s or youth ministry at church
  • Go on a short-term mission trip
  • Visit elderly neighbors or nursing home residents
  • Prepare meals for families in need
  • Participate in community service projects

As you serve God together, you’ll grow in your faith and relationship. It takes the focus off yourselves and allows you to make an impact for God’s kingdom as a team.

Have Fun and Enjoy Each Other

While Christian dating should be intentional, don’t forget to relax and have fun together too! Enjoy getting to know each other, try new activities, laugh often, and make great memories. A godly relationship can and should be enjoyable.

Fun date ideas:

  • Explore the outdoors on hikes or bike rides
  • Try a new hobby or sport together
  • Have a game night or puzzle night
  • Go to concerts, shows, or sporting events
  • Cook a meal together
  • Take a day trip to explore a new place
  • Have a picnic in the park

Building friendship and having fun together creates a strong relational foundation. Don’t take yourselves too seriously – enjoy the gift of each other’s company.

Keep the Right Perspective

As you navigate Christian dating, keep the right perspective. Remember that your identity and worth come from Christ, not your relationship status. Don’t put pressure on the relationship to fulfill you or make you whole – only God can do that.

View dating as a season of getting to know someone and discerning if marriage is God’s will for you. Be patient with the process and trust in God’s timing. If the relationship ends, know that God is still in control and has good plans for you.

Above all, seek to honor God in your dating relationship. When you keep Him at the center, He will guide your steps and use your relationship for His glory.

By following these biblical principles, Christian couples can build strong, God-honoring relationships. With intentionality, wisdom, and a focus on spiritual growth, dating can be a beautiful season of growing in love for God and each other.

Bill

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