If you talk to young adults across the U.S., you’ll hear a recurring theme: a lot of them are hesitant, even scared, when it comes to making lifelong commitments—especially marriage. For some, the idea of standing at an altar and vowing “forever” sounds suffocating. For others, it feels risky, unrealistic, or simply unnecessary. Instead, many choose to delay marriage, cohabit, or opt for looser, less defined relationships. Why are so many young people today scared of commitment? The answer is a stew of family history, money worries, shifting cultural values, emotional baggage, and the influence of technology—a mix that makes today’s relationship landscape unlike any before it.
Impact of Parental Divorce and Family Instability
Let’s start with the family stories many Millennial and Gen Z adults carry. They grew up in the wake of the “divorce boom” of Generation X and the Baby Boomers before them. Some saw the damage up close: parents fighting, homes splitting, finances strained, and emotional wounds that are still healing. Others simply took note of the statistics—almost half of marriages ending in divorce—and wondered, “Can anyone really make it work for life?”
It’s little wonder, then, that many young adults feel deeply skeptical about the promise of “happily ever after.” If their models of marriage were unstable or painful, it shapes their expectations. Some fear passing on the same cycles of brokenness. Others wonder if marriage guarantees happiness or just a legal tangle when things go wrong. Trust is hard to build, and the anxiety of repeating past mistakes is real. This generational memory stirs up caution, second-guessing, and lots of young hearts with cold feet.
Economic Concerns and Practical Barriers
The money issue looms large. Student debt, sky-high rent, and everyday inflation chase many young people into a state of financial uncertainty. Surveys reveal that financial security now ranks as the number one priority for most young adults—outpacing marriage, children, or even home ownership. For many, the “American dream” comes with a daunting price tag they’re not convinced they can afford.
Add in the rising cost of weddings—a staggering $36,000 on average in 2025—and it’s no surprise that tying the knot feels out of reach. How can a couple promise forever when they’re struggling to cover student loans and rent this month? Some decide to put off marriage until they’ve “made it,” while others dismiss it as an expensive luxury for those who already have everything lined up.
Cultural Shifts and Redefined Commitment
What marriage means is changing. Today’s young adults don’t always see marriage as the only—or even the best—way to find meaning, love, or family. Plenty believe they can have healthy, fulfilling relationships without a marriage certificate, and the stigma around cohabiting has faded. As many as 85% say a long-term partner and a fulfilling relationship matter to them—marriage, not so much.
Careers and personal growth also take priority for many. Before thinking about “forever,” young people want to finish school, discover who they are, travel, or reach professional goals. Marriage used to be a starting line—now it’s often seen as a goal to consider after most everything else is sorted out. The rise of “situationships,” open relationships, and casual dating emphasizes this shift: for many, flexibility and autonomy feel safer than legal, permanent promises.
Fear of Making a Mistake
With nearly infinite options thanks to dating apps and social media, there’s a growing worry about “settling” for the wrong person. Young adults see friends get married and divorced, hear horror stories, and wonder if a better match might always be just one swipe away. The fear of missing out or making an irreversible mistake encourages people to keep their options open, try before they “buy,” or simply delay any big decisions.
The thought of getting “stuck” or trapped in a bad marriage terrifies many. Rather than risk forever with the wrong person, they’ll wait—or walk away at the first sign of discomfort.
Influence of Social Media and Technology
Social media makes it easier than ever to compare relationships, stoke envy, or imagine something better out there. Highlight reels of picture-perfect couples and endless romantic options create unstable ground for contentment. Dating apps encourage seeing partners as “replaceable,” and ghosting or moving on quickly becomes the norm. Technology, ironically, can leave folks less willing to truly commit, since alternatives always seem available.
Psychological and Emotional Factors
Beyond external pressures, internal struggles also drive commitment fears. Lots of young people carry unresolved pain from past relationships—heartbreaks, betrayals, or being let down by people they trusted. Attachment theory tells us that insecure bonds formed in childhood or adolescence can make trust and intimacy difficult. If someone grew up with unpredictability, absences, or constant change, it’s only natural that they would guard themselves against what feels risky or out-of-control, like lifelong vows.
For some, the fear isn’t about the other person—it’s about losing independence, getting hurt, or failing. Anxiety and depression, both on the rise for young adults, often go hand-in-hand with relational ambivalence. The more hurts they accumulate, the more likely they are to play it safe and keep relationships loosely defined.
The Christian Perspective: What’s Missing in Modern Love
From a Christian perspective, all these fears and hesitations make sense—we live in a fractured, uncertain world where ultimate trust is hard to place. But the biblical vision of marriage is radically different from what many young adults fear. Marriage isn’t a trap or a gamble; it’s a covenant—an all-in, grace-fueled commitment that reflects God’s faithfulness to His people.
Scripture doesn’t ignore the realities of brokenness; it offers hope for forgiveness, new beginnings, and transformation. Christians don’t claim marriage is easy or safe—they know it requires daily sacrifice, humility, and the power of God’s Spirit. Yet the promise of biblical marriage isn’t really about perfect bliss or personal fulfillment: it’s about two people choosing, again and again, to love as Christ loves—patiently, sacrificially, and for the long haul.
At its best, marriage is a place to grow, heal, and build trust—a journey of two flawed people learning to forgive, endure, and serve. It’s not about achieving the “perfect” life before committing; it’s about choosing grace, commitment, and faith even in uncertainty.
Moving Forward Without Fear
The fear of commitment among young Americans isn’t likely to fade overnight. These anxieties are rooted in real-life experiences, social shifts, and challenges beyond their control. Yet there is hope for those willing to step out in faith—not because they’re certain the future will be easy, but because they trust God’s goodness even in hard times.
Rather than drifting through endless trial runs, situationships, or half-hearted “maybes,” young people—and all of us—are invited to consider a better foundation: commitment built on covenant, not convenience. Maybe what’s most needed isn’t perfect circumstances, but a renewed vision of trust, community, and humility that makes room for love that lasts.
Marriage is risky, yes, but so is staying guarded and alone. True commitment will always be scary in a world marked by brokenness. But Christians follow a Savior who turned fear into faith, and who calls us to reflect His faithful love even when it costs us comfort.
So if the prospect of forever feels intimidating, know this: you’re not alone, and lasting love is possible—not because of perfect circumstances, but because of a perfect God who loves, redeems, and gives courage to those who choose commitment, one day at a time.