Categories: Marriage

How to Have a Christ-Centered Marriage (Part 1)

Introduction: Did you know that God is not in the marriage “remodeling” business? His desire is to transform your marital relationship, not reform it. The world is focused on helping couples improve their marriage as evidenced by the enormous variety of self-help books. Without transformation from the inside out, a Christian couple will never experience God’s design for a Christ-centered marriage, true happiness, and fulfillment.

The focus of this study will be on the internal, spiritual transformation of you and your spouse. Whether you are newly married or have been married for many years, God will use His truths in this study to take your marriage to the next level of harmony, intimacy, and oneness in Christ. Let’s begin by looking at three types of marriages:

Three Types Of Marriages:

Type 1 – A CHRISTIAN Marriage is one where both spouses are Christians. Their marriage appears to be doing well, but it is a marriage where there is no real, ongoing, spiritual transformation. The couple has learned to COPE with each other’s fleshly behaviors and attitudes; they tolerate recurring problems and issues instead of resolving them; they have learned to “go along to get along.”

DEFINITION: What Is COPING? A behavior strategy that a spouse uses to protect or to insulate themselves from the negative effects of unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, or their mate’s self-centered behaviors.

Type 2 – A TROUBLED Marriage is one with ongoing conflicts that are causing a growing emotional separation.

Type 3 – A CHRIST-CENTERED Marriage is one where the couple is living with Christ as the Source of their power. They are experiencing ongoing, spiritual transformation and are continually moving into a deeper experience of unconditional love, oneness, intimacy, and harmony with each other and with Christ. It is a marriage where both spouses are being transformed into CHRIST-LIKENESS.

DEFINITION: Christ-likeness means thinking and behaving like Christ.

The Differences Between the Three Types:

Type 1 and 2 marriages are self-centered. The husband and wife are focused more on self than Christ. They are living independently of Him, “according to their flesh,” which eventually leads to separation, divorce, or coexistence.

Type 2 marriages are easy to spot. Type 1 marriages, however, are more troubling. The couple has learned to cope with one another’s fleshly behaviors and simply manage their conflict. They can be easily deceived into thinking that they have a Christ-centered marriage.

How Would You Evaluate Your Marriage?

To help evaluate what type of marriage you have, answer the following questions:

Are you experiencing an increasing harmony, intimacy, and oneness in your marriage?
Is your fleshly behavior being transformed into godly behavior?
Is there an ongoing desire for Christ to be the center of your marriage?
Are you seeking Christ as your Source of your power to resolve marital conflict?
Are you both being transformed into Christ-likeness?

If there is an absence of spiritual transformation in your relationship, it may be that you are two Christians who have simply learned how to cope with each other.

Principle: No couple can develop a Christ-centered marriage in their own strength and ability.

This is the fundamental problem in Type 1 and 2 marriages.

Characteristics of A Self-Centered Marriage:

Husband and wife are primarily focused upon themselves, which results in living independently from God.
Husband and wife are trying to form a Christ-centered marriage in their own strength and ability.
Fleshly attitudes and behaviors are not being transformed.
Husband and wife have learned how to cope with one another’s fleshly behaviors.
There is unresolved conflict in one or more areas of the marriage.
There is no ongoing, spiritual transformation.

Type 3-A Christ-Centered Marriage:

In a Christ-centered marriage, the husband and wife are both Christ-focused. They are living dependently upon God as their Source of power. They are experiencing Christ-life flowing between them. The result is increasing harmony, intimacy, oneness, happiness, and transformation.

Characteristics of a Christ-Centered Marriage:

Each spouse is living with an attitude of dependence upon God as his or her Source of power instead of himself or herself (John 14:6).
Each spouse is focusing on Christ more than himself or herself (Romans 12:10).
Your marriage is being transformed because each spouse is experiencing ongoing personal spiritual transformation (Romans 12:2).
You and your spouse draw upon God’s supernatural power to overcome fleshly behaviors and resolve marital conflicts (Ephesians 1:19, 20).
You and your spouse are increasing in harmony, intimacy, and oneness (1 Peter 3:8, 9).

Question: After examining Type 1, 2, and 3 marriages, which one characterizes you?

Bill