How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” I Cor. 13:11

 Emotions are God-given. In and of themselves, they are not sinful, but beneficial. The word ‘emotion’ in Latin is motere, which means “to move.” Add the prefix “e” and the meaning is “to move away.” This suggests that a tendency to act is implicit in every emotion. God designed our emotions to put us in motion. They represent a quick response that motivates action—emotions signal the mind to go into high gear.

Emotional maturity is defined as how well you are able to respond to situations, control your emotions and behave in an age-appropriate manner when dealing with others. Stated more simply, emotional maturity is acting one’s age. Emotional maturity is a significant predictor of the level of success and happiness that an individual will achieve in his/her lifetime.

The Development of Emotional Maturity in Your Child

The first place to begin is by examining yourself. Why? Because what you model is what your children will imitate. If you are an emotionally immature parent, you will most likely raise an emotionally immature child.

Identify your emotional hang-ups rather than saying, “I’m just that way,” or “My mother was like that,” or “It runs in my family.” God expects you to improve, change, and grow.

Signs of an Emotionally Immature Adult:

1. Moody and depressed
2. Easily offended; overly sensitive
3. Excessive crying and pouting
4. Losing temper and screaming over trivial matters.
5. Demanding; sense of entitlement
6. Acting impulsively without considering the consequences
7. Easily influenced by others
8. Live in a fantasy world
9. Fall apart in a crisis
10. Critical and fault-finding of others
11. Unwilling to accept responsibility for wrongs and mistakes
12. Always right, never wrong
13. Unwillingness to apologize
14. Grudge holding
15. Feeling inadequate and insecure
16. Fearful of taking new steps
17. Self-indulgent; failure to delay gratification
18. Insensitive and inconsiderate
19. Competitive; have to win

The Ten Parental Tasks:

1. Teach your children at a very early age that they cannot have their own way by pouting, crying or displaying other emotional outbursts. Do not reinforce these unwanted behaviors by giving attention to them.

2. Do not allow them to be selfish.
   Teach them they can’t always be first or have their way. Help them learn to give in at times and let others have a chance.

3. Teach your child self-restraint.
   To allow a child to uncontrollably vent his anger instills in him an attitude of self-will, which leads to overt rebellion and hostility later in life.

4. Teach your child to handle his emotions.
   This is called emotional regulation. Emotions in themself are not wrong; we all feel anger, hurt, frustration, etc. What is wrong is failing to control our emotions. You want a child who can express his/her emotions in a socially appropriate manner (e.g., a child who becomes angry when a friend wants one of his toys may hit, scream, bite or use violence to get his toy back).

5. Teach your children how to work.
   Don’t wait on them hand and foot. Out of love they place their children on a pedestal, which gives them and unrealistic perspective of life; they come to expect the world to treat them as their parents have.

6. Teach your child responsibility.
   Give him/her jobs to do. Encourage your child to finish what he starts. Be sure he completes his work at home or school, and other projects such as music lessons, etc.

7. Allow your child to do the job himse Sometimes it is easier for the parent to do the job rather than take the time to teach the child how to do it. It requires more time and patience for a child to learn; he is often slower and messy, but if he doesn’t try, he won’t learn.

8. Allow your child to make mistakes. The child who has never made mistakes is the child who has never tried.

9. Let your child start making decisions.
   As a parent you must guide the decisions your child makes, but you need to help him develop an ability to think for himself. The time will come when he will be on his own with no one to make his decisions for him.

10. Give your children praise and encouragement.
    This kind of attention builds up their confidence and self-esteem, and will motivate them to achieve higher levels of success. (Caution: Over-complimenting a child can reinforce pride and vanity)

 

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