No one walks down the aisle expecting their marriage to fall apart. We all start out with high hopes, big dreams, and a promise to stick together “for better or for worse.” But life happens. Sometimes, without even realizing it, couples drift apart, bad habits creep in, and suddenly you’re wondering, “Is my marriage in trouble?” If you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone. The good news is, there’s hope—and a way forward.
Let’s talk about how to spot the warning signs, what God says about marriage, and most importantly, how to get back on track if you feel like your relationship is at risk.
Why We Miss the Warning Signs
Marriage doesn’t usually fall apart overnight. It’s more like a slow leak than a blowout. Maybe you’re busy with work, kids, or church. Maybe you’re just tired. Over time, you stop talking about the important stuff. You stop laughing together. You start feeling more like roommates than soulmates. It’s easy to miss the signs because they sneak up on you.
But here’s the thing: God cares deeply about your marriage. He designed it to be a picture of Christ’s love for the church—faithful, sacrificial, and enduring. When things aren’t right, He wants you to notice, not so you’ll feel guilty, but so you’ll take steps to heal and restore what’s broken.
Common Signs Your Marriage Might Be at Risk
So, what are the red flags? Here are some of the most common warning signs that your marriage could be in trouble:
You Don’t Talk Like You Used To
Communication is the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. If your conversations have shrunk down to schedules, chores, and “what’s for dinner,” that’s a sign something’s off. Maybe you avoid deep topics because you’re afraid of conflict, or maybe you just don’t feel connected anymore.
You Don’t Spend Time Together
Life gets busy, but if you can’t remember the last time you went on a date or just enjoyed each other’s company, that’s a problem. Couples who stop prioritizing time together often drift apart emotionally and physically.
There’s More Criticism Than Encouragement
Do you find yourself nitpicking your spouse’s every move? Or maybe you feel like you can’t do anything right in their eyes. Constant criticism, sarcasm, or contempt can poison a marriage faster than almost anything else.
You’re Keeping Secrets
Honesty and transparency are the foundation of trust. If you’re hiding things—big or small—from your spouse, it’s a warning sign. This could be anything from spending money in secret to hiding friendships or online activity.
Physical or Emotional Intimacy Is Missing
God created marriage for intimacy—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. If you’re not connecting in any of these areas, your marriage is vulnerable. This doesn’t mean you have to be in a constant state of passion, but if you’re never affectionate, never talk about your feelings, or never pray together, pay attention.
You Feel Alone—Even When You’re Together
One of the saddest signs of a marriage in trouble is loneliness. If you feel like your spouse doesn’t “get” you anymore, or you’re living parallel lives under the same roof, it’s time for a heart-to-heart.
There’s Unresolved Hurt or Bitterness
Every couple hurts each other sometimes. But when wounds aren’t addressed and forgiven, they turn into bitterness. If you’re holding onto grudges, replaying old arguments, or using past mistakes as weapons, your marriage is at risk.
You’re Fantasizing About Life Without Your Spouse
Maybe you daydream about being single again, or you wonder what it would be like to be married to someone else. These thoughts can be a sign that you’ve given up hope or are looking for escape.
You’re Turning to Someone or Something Else for Comfort
Affairs don’t always start in the bedroom. Sometimes, emotional affairs begin when you start sharing your heart with someone other than your spouse. Or maybe you’re escaping into work, hobbies, or even your phone instead of facing problems at home.
What Does the Bible Say About Marriage Trouble?
Scripture doesn’t sugarcoat the challenges of marriage. Adam and Eve struggled with blame and shame in Genesis. Abraham and Sarah faced infertility and trust issues. Even David, a man after God’s own heart, made a mess of his marriage.
But God’s design for marriage is clear: it’s a covenant, not a contract. It’s meant to be a lifelong, faithful partnership that reflects Christ’s love for us. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That’s a tall order! Wives are called to respect their husbands, and both are called to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
When marriage gets tough, God doesn’t tell us to bail out. He calls us to fight for our relationship—with humility, forgiveness, and love. Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:9). That doesn’t mean we ignore problems or pretend everything is fine. It means we seek help, lean on God, and do the hard work of reconciliation.
What Puts a Marriage at Risk?
It’s not always the “big” things that put marriages at risk. Sometimes, it’s the slow erosion of connection, respect, and kindness. Here are a few common culprits:
Neglect
When we stop investing in our marriage—emotionally, spiritually, or physically—it starts to wither. Neglect can be as simple as never saying “I love you,” never praying together, or always putting other priorities first.
Unresolved Conflict
Every couple fights. But couples who never resolve their differences, or who sweep issues under the rug, build up a wall of resentment. Over time, that wall gets harder to tear down.
Selfishness
Marriage is about giving, not just getting. When one or both spouses put their own needs, desires, or comfort above the other, the relationship suffers. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
Poor Boundaries
Whether it’s with friends, family, or technology, poor boundaries can open the door to temptation and distraction. Protect your marriage by setting clear boundaries around opposite-sex friendships, social media, and even your work life.
Lack of Forgiveness
No one is perfect. If you can’t forgive your spouse—or yourself—you’ll stay stuck in the past. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean choosing to let go of bitterness and move forward together.
Is There Hope? Absolutely!
If you’re reading this and feeling a little panicked, take a deep breath. The fact that you’re asking, “Is my marriage at risk?” is a good sign. It means you care. It means you want things to be better. And with God’s help, they can be.
Here’s how to start turning things around:
Pray—Together and Apart
Ask God to soften your hearts, reveal any blind spots, and give you wisdom. Pray for your spouse, not just about them. Invite God into your marriage every day.
Talk Honestly
Set aside time to talk—really talk—about how you’re feeling, what you need, and what you’re afraid of. Be honest, but also gentle. Listen more than you speak.
Seek Wise Counsel
Sometimes, you need outside help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a Christian counselor, pastor, or trusted mentor. Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Make Time for Each Other
Rekindle your friendship. Go on dates, laugh together, and try new things. Even small gestures—a note, a hug, a cup of coffee—can make a big difference.
Practice Forgiveness
Let go of past hurts. Ask for forgiveness, and offer it freely. Remember, forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.
Set Boundaries
Protect your marriage from outside threats—whether it’s too much time on your phone, unhealthy friendships, or work stress. Agree on boundaries that help you both feel safe and valued.
Invest in Your Spiritual Life
Read the Bible together, pray, and serve God as a team. A marriage centered on Christ is much stronger than one built on feelings alone.
A Final Word of Encouragement
Marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it. The enemy would love nothing more than to destroy your relationship and rob you of the joy God intended for you. But with God’s help, you can spot the warning signs, make changes, and build a marriage that not only survives, but thrives.
If you’re worried your marriage is at risk, don’t ignore the signs. Take action. Reach out. Pray. And remember, God is in the business of restoring broken things—including marriages. He’s for you, He’s with you, and He delights in seeing your love story reflect His own.
You’re not alone. There’s hope. And your marriage is worth fighting for.