Categories: Family

Laying a Good Foundation in Your Child’s life—Part 5

Key Thought: Laying a good foundation during your child’s formative years is critically important indetermining who and what they will become as an adult.

Quick Review: Two main components of child training (‘paideia’)

Direction—getting a child on course

Direction is Teaching + Modeling + Reinforcement = Internalization (i.e. our child adopts our beliefs andbehavior as his own)

Correction—keeping a child on course

Correction is Physical punishment + Verbal reproof + logical and natural consequences =Modification (i.e. change in our child attitude and behavior)

Note: For the process of child training to be effective it must first start with you, the parent.

“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart” (Deut. 6:6) You must first internalize God’s commands in your own life in order to effectively teach and model them to your children. Unless there is a personal reality (i.e. manifested by a genuine love for God and man) that is consistently evident to yourchildren in and out of your home, your child training will be seriously impaired.

Biblical teaching – Godly example = Head knowledge but no spiritual dynamic

Godly example – Biblical teaching = Moral behavior but no spiritual dynamic

Godly example + Biblical teaching = Heart commitment and internal desire to love God and man

Teaching is to give instruction or training to another. What is a parent to teach? Certainly the “whole counsel of God,” but particularly His commands to love God and man.

“You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them…” Deut. 6:7).

A parent’s teaching is to be 1) informal and 2) formal (i.e. “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”) Your home is to be a divinity school where you are the primary teachers of your children; 24 hour devotions.

Modeling is a person or thing considered as an object for imitation. Children may learn from their teachers, but they imitate their parents (i.e. become what you are). Modeling accounts for a large part of whatour children learn in our home.

“The things which you have learned (i.e. from Paul’s teaching) and received and heard and seen (i.e.modeled by Paul) in me, practice these things” (Phil. 4:9).

Why is modeling such a powerful influence in our child’s life?

A child believes that he is like you (i.e. identification) in some respect and consciously patterns his behavior after you.
Your child has an emotional involvement, connection, or bond with you.
A child logs more time in your home than anywhere else.

Principle: You are the greatest influence in your child’s life—for good or for bad!

What is “in your heart” is what you really are.

What you really are is what you model.

What you model is what you child imitates What your child imitates is what he becomes.

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34)

Question: Does your child see the reality of Jesus in you or hypocrisy and sham?

You say you love God, but….

Do they hear you talking to or about God often?
Do they see a devotion of your time, treasure, and talents in the worship of God?
Do they see a devotion of your time, treasure, and talents in the service of God?
Do they see an obedient and holy lifestyle at home?
Do they see you trusting Him when the pressure is on?
Do they see you sharing your faith on a consistent basis with the lost?

You say you love your neighbor but….

Do they see/hear kindness and consideration consistently demonstrated to store clerks, other driverson the road, co-workers or supervisors, and others?
Do they see/hear you taking advantage of others in business or money matters?
Do they see/hear you willing to help others in the time of need?
Do they see/hear you resolving problems and restoring relationships when conflict arises?
Do they see/hear you consistently giving love and attention to your spouse?
Do they see/hear you lying to get out of trouble?
Do they see/hear you putting your neighbor down behind their back?

Note: Most children are quite perceptive and can distinguish between phoniness and reality. This does not mean that you must be perfect, but growing to become what you espouse to be true.

Reinforcement: to strengthen a tendency to think or act in a desired manner by using a system of rewards.

Be sensitive to value laden situations (i.e. when they occur naturally, stimulate discussion)
Encourage your child to act on what values are being taught
Commend your child when you see him demonstrating godly values

Illustrations:

“Son, that was kind of you to hold the door for your mother.” (respect for others) “John, you were right toreturn the money.” (honesty)

“Marie, it took a lot of courage not to hit back.” (self-control)

Conclusion: Direction (i.e. getting your child on course) usually results in internalization when a parent consistently teaches, models, and reinforces a love for God and man in their child’s life.

Bill