Married life is busy. Between work, kids, church activities, chores, and the endless to-do lists, it can feel like there’s barely any time left for you and your spouse to connect—let alone enjoy real intimacy. Maybe you remember those early days of marriage, when you couldn’t wait to be together, when holding hands and late-night conversations came naturally. But now, life has a way of crowding out those special moments. You might even look at your spouse across the dinner table and wonder, “When did we become more like roommates than lovers?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many Christian couples struggle to make time for intimacy, and it’s easy to feel guilty or discouraged. But here’s the good news: God designed marriage to be a place of deep connection—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Intimacy isn’t just a “nice extra” for when you have time; it’s a vital part of a healthy, thriving marriage. And with a little intention, you can rediscover the closeness you crave.

Why Does Intimacy Matter?

Before we talk about how to make time for intimacy, let’s talk about why it matters. In Genesis, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” He created Eve so Adam would have a companion—a partner to share life with. The Bible describes marriage as two becoming “one flesh,” a picture of unity and closeness that goes far beyond the physical.

Intimacy is about more than sex (though that’s important, too!). It’s about knowing and being known. It’s about sharing your heart, your struggles, your dreams, and your fears. It’s about laughter, affection, and the quiet comfort of being together. When intimacy is lacking, couples drift apart. But when it’s nurtured, marriage becomes a safe haven—a place of joy, strength, and renewal.

The Enemies of Intimacy

If intimacy is so important, why is it often the first thing to go when life gets busy? Here are a few common “enemies” that can crowd out connection:

Busyness
Let’s face it: we live in a culture that glorifies being busy. Work demands, kids’ schedules, church commitments, and social obligations can fill every waking moment. By the time you collapse into bed at night, you’re too exhausted for anything more than scrolling your phone or watching TV.

Distraction
Even when you’re together, it’s easy to be distracted—by screens, worries, or the never-ending list of things that need to be done. You might be in the same room, but not really present with each other.

Unresolved Conflict
When there’s tension or hurt between you, it’s hard to feel close. Unspoken grievances or ongoing arguments can create distance, making intimacy feel awkward or forced.

Neglect
Sometimes, intimacy fades simply because it’s not a priority. You assume you’ll have time “later,” but later never comes. Days turn into weeks, and before you know it, you’re living parallel lives.

The good news? With God’s help and a little intentionality, you can overcome these obstacles and make intimacy a regular, joyful part of your marriage again.

Making Time for Intimacy: Practical Steps

  1. Prioritize Your Marriage

It all starts with a decision: your marriage matters. It’s more important than your job, your hobbies, or even your kids’ activities. When you put your spouse first (after God, of course), you’re building a foundation that blesses your whole family.

Ask yourself: What would it look like to put my marriage at the top of my priority list? It might mean saying no to some good things so you can say yes to the best thing—time with your spouse.

  1. Schedule Regular “Us” Time

It might sound unromantic to schedule intimacy, but in a busy world, spontaneity isn’t always realistic. Set aside regular time each week just for the two of you. It could be a date night, a morning coffee together, or even a walk around the neighborhood.

Put it on the calendar and treat it like any other important appointment. Protect this time from interruptions, and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.

  1. Create Daily Moments of Connection

Intimacy isn’t just about grand gestures; it’s built in the small, everyday moments. Look for ways to connect throughout the day—a hug before you leave for work, a quick text to say “I’m thinking of you,” a few minutes to talk before bed.

Ask each other about your day, share something you’re grateful for, or pray together. These little moments add up, creating a sense of closeness and security.

  1. Make Physical Intimacy a Priority

God created sex as a beautiful, sacred gift for married couples. It’s not just about physical pleasure—it’s a way to express love, build trust, and deepen your bond. But in the busyness of life, it’s easy for physical intimacy to take a back seat.

Talk openly with your spouse about your needs, desires, and any challenges you’re facing. Be willing to initiate, even if you’re tired or not “in the mood.” Sometimes, the feelings follow the action. Remember, physical intimacy is a way to serve and bless each other, not just a duty or obligation.

  1. Deal with Conflict Quickly

Nothing kills intimacy faster than unresolved conflict. If there’s tension between you, don’t let it fester. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Be quick to apologize, quick to forgive, and quick to seek understanding.

If you’re struggling to resolve an issue, don’t be afraid to ask for help—from a pastor, counselor, or trusted mentor. Your marriage is worth fighting for.

  1. Put Away Distractions

When you’re together, be fully present. Put away your phones, turn off the TV, and give each other your undivided attention. Make eye contact, listen deeply, and show that you value your spouse’s presence.

You might be surprised at how much closer you feel when you’re not competing with screens or outside noise.

  1. Pray Together

Spiritual intimacy is the glue that holds everything else together. When you pray with and for your spouse, you invite God into your relationship in a powerful way. It doesn’t have to be fancy—just a simple prayer for each other’s needs, gratitude for your blessings, or asking God to help you grow closer.

Praying together builds trust, vulnerability, and a sense of shared purpose. It reminds you that you’re on the same team, fighting for your marriage with God’s help.

  1. Be Creative and Have Fun

Intimacy thrives in an atmosphere of joy and playfulness. Don’t be afraid to try new things together—whether it’s a new restaurant, a hobby, or even a weekend getaway. Laugh together, be silly, and make memories.

Sometimes, the best way to reconnect is to break out of your routine and do something just for fun.

When Intimacy Feels Hard

What if you’re trying, but intimacy still feels out of reach? Maybe you’re dealing with stress, health issues, past hurts, or just feeling “stuck.” It’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes, talking with a Christian counselor or mentor can provide new tools and perspectives.

Remember, intimacy is a journey, not a destination. There will be seasons when it’s easier, and seasons when it takes more effort. Don’t get discouraged. Keep taking small steps, and trust that God is working in your marriage—even when you can’t see it.

God’s Design for Intimacy

God cares deeply about your marriage. He wants you and your spouse to experience the joy, safety, and fulfillment that comes from true intimacy. In fact, marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the church—a love that is sacrificial, faithful, and deeply personal.

When you make time for intimacy, you’re not just strengthening your marriage—you’re honoring God’s design. You’re creating a legacy for your children, your church, and your community. You’re building a foundation that can weather any storm.

A Final Word of Encouragement

If you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse, don’t lose hope. Every couple goes through dry spells. The important thing is not to give up. Start small. Make one change this week—a date night, a heartfelt conversation, a prayer together. Celebrate the progress you make, and be patient with each other.

Remember, intimacy isn’t just about what happens behind closed doors. It’s about sharing your life, your heart, and your faith. It’s about choosing each other—day after day, year after year.

With God’s help, you can make time for intimacy and rediscover the joy of being truly known and loved. Your marriage is worth it. And so are you.