Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours

Parenting can feel like a wild ride-one minute you’re basking in the glow of your child’s sweet smile, the next you’re wondering if you’ll ever get through a meal without a meltdown. If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing your mind while trying to get your kids to mind, you’re not alone! But as Christian parents, we have a unique perspective and powerful resources to help us on this journey. Let’s talk about practical, biblical ways to raise respectful, responsible kids-without losing your sanity in the process.

The Foundation: Parenting as a Calling

First things first: parenting is a calling from God. Psalm 127:3 reminds us, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.” Our kids are gifts, entrusted to us for a season, and God cares deeply about how we raise them10. That means our goal isn’t just to produce obedient kids, but to disciple them-to help them know, love, and follow Jesus.

Why Is It So Hard to Get Kids to Mind?

Let’s be honest: kids are not born knowing how to behave. They’re little people with big emotions, strong wills, and a knack for pushing boundaries. And as Dr. Kevin Leman humorously notes, “We’ve seen the enemy, and they’re small . . . and unionized”. But their resistance isn’t just about making our lives difficult. It’s part of learning, growing, and testing the world around them.

The Heart of Christian Discipline

Discipline isn’t about control or punishment-it’s about discipleship. The root word for discipline is “disciple,” and our job is to teach, guide, and correct with love. The Bible is clear: “The Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (Proverbs 3:12). Discipline is an act of love, not anger.

Key Principles of Biblical Discipline

• Consistency: Kids thrive on structure. Set clear boundaries and enforce them consistently-not based on your mood, but on what’s right.

• Patience and Kindness: 1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient, love is kind.” Even when you’re frustrated, respond with patience and kindness.

• Respect: Treat your children with the same respect you want them to show others. They’re made in God’s image, and the way you treat them shapes their sense of worth.

• Restoration: Discipline should restore relationships, not break them. Teach your kids how to ask for forgiveness, and be quick to forgive them (and to ask for forgiveness yourself when you mess up).

Practical Steps: Making Your Children Mind

1. Set Clear Expectations

Kids need to know what’s expected of them. Be clear about your rules and the reasons behind them. “Because I said so” might work in the short term, but explaining the “why” helps your children internalize values.

• Example: “We don’t hit because God calls us to be kind to one another.”

• Tip: Post family rules somewhere visible, and review them regularly.

2. Follow Through with Consequences

Consequences teach responsibility. If you say there will be a consequence for a certain behavior, follow through-every time. This builds trust and helps your child understand that choices have results.

• Natural consequences (like missing out on dessert if they refuse to eat dinner) are often the best teachers.

• Logical consequences (like losing screen time for breaking a rule) should fit the misbehavior.

3. Stay Calm-Even When You Want to Scream

We all lose our cool sometimes. But yelling or reacting in anger rarely produces the results we want. Instead, take a deep breath, pray for patience, and respond calmly.

• Paul’s example: In Philippians 3:1, Paul says repeating himself is “no trouble” because it’s for the good of those he loves. We can learn to repeat ourselves with grace, not gritted teeth.

4. Pray-A Lot

Parenting is hard, but we’re not in it alone. Pray for your children, pray for wisdom, and pray for the strength to love them well-even on the tough days. Cover every aspect of your parenting in prayer.

5. Model What You Want to See

Kids are incredible imitators. If you want your children to be respectful, patient, and kind, show them what that looks like. Apologize when you’re wrong, forgive quickly, and let them see you reading your Bible and praying.

Discipline That Builds, Not Breaks

Respectful Discipline

Respectful discipline means seeing your child as a person of value, not just a problem to be fixed. It’s about teaching, not shaming. Remember, your child’s worth doesn’t increase with obedience-they are precious because God made them.

Redemptive Discipline

Redemptive discipline focuses on restoring relationships. When your child messes up, use it as a chance to point them back to God’s love and forgiveness. Help them see that mistakes don’t separate them from your love-or God’s.

Restorative Discipline

Teach your kids how to make things right. Help them understand the impact of their actions and guide them in seeking forgiveness and rebuilding trust. And don’t forget to model this yourself-ask for their forgiveness when you blow it.

Avoiding the Pitfalls: What NOT to Do

• Don’t discipline out of anger. “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

• Don’t be inconsistent. Kids need to know where the boundaries are. If your response changes based on your mood, they’ll get confused and anxious.

• Don’t compare your kids (or yourself) to others. God gave you your children for a reason. Focus on their unique strengths and challenges, and trust God to guide you.

• Don’t forget the big picture. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day battles, but remember: your goal is to raise adults who love God and love others.

Encouragement for the Weary Parent

Let’s be real-parenting is exhausting. There will be days when you feel like nothing is working, when your kids seem determined to test every limit, and when you wonder if you’re making any difference at all.

But take heart! God is with you. He’s not asking you to be a perfect parent-just a faithful one. His grace covers your mistakes, and His Spirit empowers you to love your kids well.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Final Thoughts: Raising Kids Who Mind (and Keeping Yours!)

• Start with love. Let everything you do be rooted in God’s love for you and your children.

• Be consistent. Set boundaries and stick to them.

• Be patient. Growth takes time-don’t expect instant results.

• Pray continually. God hears, and He cares.

• Model grace. Your kids will learn more from your example than your lectures.

Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be ups and downs, victories and failures. But as you lean on God’s wisdom, trust His promises, and love your children with His love, you’ll find that you really can make your children mind-without losing yours in the process.

And remember: you’re not alone. God walks with you every step of the way. So take a deep breath, say a prayer, and keep going. Your faithful, loving parenting is making a difference for eternity.