Mankeeping

If you’ve worked with couples or families—or just lived in the world these last few years—you might have noticed a recurring pattern: women carrying the load for men’s emotional and social lives, often without recognition or reciprocation. The term for this is “mankeeping,” and while it’s a new word, the phenomenon is sadly all too familiar. Let’s unpack what mankeeping means, how it developed, and, most importantly, how we might respond as followers of Christ seeking to honor God’s design for men, women, and relationships.

What Is Mankeeping?

Mankeeping is a label social scientists and laypeople alike are using to explain a striking dynamic: women—particularly in heterosexual relationships—find themselves acting as the main, or even sole, provider of emotional support, social connection, and logistical organization for the men in their lives. It’s more than doing the dishes or picking up socks—it’s being the “life administrator,” the “default therapist,” the social planner, the sounding board, and the motivator, often all at once.

Examples include:

Organizing social calendars: Scheduling hangouts or reminding a partner to connect with friends.
Emotional labor: Listening, affirming, and counseling about work, family, or existential struggles.
Logistics management: Handling appointments, remembering birthdays, and making sure the home and relationships run smoothly.
Social and emotional teaching: Helping men articulate, understand, and process their feelings—something they may not have learned in childhood or from friends.

What makes mankeeping different from “kinkeeping” (the older term for women maintaining extended family ties) or ordinary care? The answer is reciprocity—or rather, the lack of it. Mankeeping means one partner is doing more than their fair share, and it’s slowly burning them out.

Where Did Mankeeping Come From?

The term “mankeeping” was introduced by scholars Angelica Puzio Ferrara and Dylan Vergara at Stanford, who noticed women’s invisible labor was morphing in a new direction. Men, especially in the U.S. and U.K., are reporting fewer friendships and less emotional support outside their romantic relationships. The male friendship recession is real. A 2021 survey indicated that 15% of men had no close friends at all, compared to just 3% in 1990. As male social networks shrink, women in their lives—girlfriends, wives, sisters—are left to fill in the emotional gaps.

Social and emotional roles that men once shared with brothers, fathers, or friends are now falling to their partners. And society often shrugs and assumes this is just the “natural order”—but is it?

How Mankeeping Shows Up

Let’s get specific. Here’s how mankeeping plays out in everyday life:

A wife reminds her husband to check in on his old college friends, arranges double dates, and plans family game nights.
A girlfriend listens to her boyfriend’s anxieties, helps him process his fears, and becomes his main (or only) confidante.
A woman manages the family’s social commitments, ensures her partner keeps up with appointments, and even acts as the liaison with his side of the family.
She may find herself coaxing her partner to open up, suggesting he join a men’s group, or even teaching him how to express sadness or anger in healthy ways, since he might never have learned these skills growing up.

These efforts aren’t always reciprocated. Women frequently report feeling like unpaid therapists or life coaches, “moms in disguise,” or invisible managers of a household’s emotional temperature.

The Tired Outcome: Burnout and Resentment

Many women are voicing exhaustion and resentment. In counseling and social media conversations alike, women describe feeling perpetually “on call” for their partners’ emotional and relational needs. Some are refusing to date at all, weary of picking up this unseen burden. What’s more, the chronic imbalance damages relationships, fueling resentment, withdrawal, and sometimes even the end of partnerships.

The causes are complex:

Cultural change: Adulthood now stretches longer; men often find it harder to form or maintain meaningful friendships after school years end.
Gender norms: Boys are taught to suppress feelings, “be tough,” and view emotional vulnerability as weakness. As adults, reaching out to friends for support feels foreign or even shameful.
Decline of civic and faith groups: Men rarely have the “third places”—like church groups, clubs, or community sports—that helped forge male friendship in past generations.

As a result, many men wind up emotionally isolated, relying almost exclusively on their wives or girlfriends for support.

Mankeeping and the Call of Scripture

As Christians, it’s vital to ask: How do biblical teachings challenge or correct the mankeeping phenomenon?

Mutuality in Marriage and Relationships
Scripture paints a picture of marriage grounded in mutual love, service, and sacrifice. Ephesians 5 commands both husbands and wives to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Galatians 6 urges all believers to “bear one another’s burdens.” Nowhere are we told that one spouse should shoulder all the emotional work—they are to be a team.
Men as Spiritual and Emotional Leaders
Biblically, men are called to grow as servant leaders (Eph. 5:25-28), not just delegates for household tasks. Emotional literacy is part of loving your wife or family well: “live with your wives in an understanding way,” Peter writes (1 Pet. 3:7). Christ models sacrificial love—a love that listens, encourages, leads, and supports.
Friendship and Brotherhood
God designed us for community—man with man, woman with woman, and all in the broader family of God. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). The collapse of male friendships isn’t just a sociological issue; it’s a spiritual one. Isolation breeds temptation, discouragement, and burnout.
Bearing Each Other’s Burdens—Together
The burden isn’t meant to fall on women alone. Paul teaches that we are parts of one body, each with gifts and responsibilities, sharing joys and sorrows (1 Cor. 12:26).

How Can We Respond Faithfully?

For Men

Pursue Brotherhood: Don’t expect your wife or girlfriend to shoulder everything. Cultivate meaningful friendships with other men. Join a men’s Bible study, accountability group, or find a mentor.
Grow in Emotional Awareness: It’s not “unmasculine” to feel or express emotion. The Psalms are full of men pouring out their hearts to God. Practice naming, sharing, and processing your feelings.
Serve as Christ Served: Emotional and relational work is not “women’s work”—it’s a Jesus work. Take initiative in planning, encouraging, and supporting your loved ones.

For Women

Communicate Clearly: If you feel overwhelmed by the emotional labor you’re doing, speak up. Share your feelings with your partner, specifically and lovingly.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say “no” and to encourage your partner to seek support or friendship elsewhere.
Encourage Growth, Not Resentment: Recognize small steps your partner takes to grow in this area. Growth is a process!

For the Church and Counselors

Create Space for Male Friendship: Churches can offer men’s ministries not just as work crews, but as places of deep sharing and accountability.
Teach Emotional Skills: Include emotional and relational health in discipleship. Model vulnerability from the pulpit and in small groups.
Educate Couples: Part of pre-marital and marital counseling should be helping couples talk openly about labor (seen and unseen) in their relationship.

Hope for Restoration

Though mankeeping is a challenge, it’s also an opportunity. The world’s solution may be to swap roles or harden boundaries, but the gospel invites us to deeper transformation. Christ calls men and women to mutual service, deep friendship, honest sharing, and whole-person love.

Blame won’t solve mankeeping, but grace-fueled change will. Let’s pray for—and pursue—a renewed vision of partnership and community, where everyone’s emotional needs are acknowledged and shared, not left for one person to carry alone.

Mankeeping shines a light on the cracks in modern relationships—the places where self-sufficiency, changing social norms, and gender stereotypes have led to unseen burdens, especially on women. But God’s vision is bigger and better. Through Christ, we can bear one another’s burdens, build real friendships, grow as servant-hearted spouses, and find freedom from the loneliness and exhaustion that plague so many homes.

If you’re feeling the weight of mankeeping today—whether you’re a woman weary from too many hats or a man realizing you’ve cast all your cares on your spouse—there is hope. Christ carries our burdens, transforms our weaknesses, and calls us to a new way. Let’s walk in it.