If you’ve spent any time talking to young adults or scrolling through social media, you’ve probably noticed something strange: more and more young men are stepping away from the dating scene. It’s not just a feeling—there are real numbers behind this trend, and it’s reshaping how relationships, marriage, and even masculinity are viewed in our culture. For Christians, this shift raises big questions about what’s going wrong, why it’s happening, and how we can respond with faith and wisdom.

The Numbers Don’t Lie: Men Are Opting Out

Let’s start with the facts. In previous generations, dating was almost a rite of passage for young men. But among Generation Z (those born from the late 1990s through the early 2010s), nearly half of young men are not dating at all. According to research from the Survey Center on American Life, 44% of Gen Z men had no romantic relationship experience during their teen years—double the rate for older generations. For comparison, only 32% of millennial men, 23% of Gen X men, and just 20% of Baby Boomer men said the same about their own teen years.

The trend doesn’t stop at high school. A 2022 Pew Research study found that among men aged 18 to 29, a staggering 63% reported being single, and the majority of those men aren’t even interested in dating. Only 13% of single adults in that age group are looking for a committed relationship. That’s a massive shift from just a couple of decades ago.

Why Are Young Men Walking Away from Dating?

So, what’s behind this dramatic change? There isn’t just one reason—there are several, and they’re all tangled together.

1. Fear of Rejection and Risk Aversion

Today’s young men are approaching dating with much more caution than their fathers or grandfathers did. Many are afraid of being rejected, misunderstood, or accused of inappropriate behavior. With heightened awareness around issues like harassment and consent, some men feel that the risks of putting themselves out there outweigh the potential rewards. It’s easier to avoid dating altogether than to risk embarrassment or failure.

2. Financial Pressure and Economic Uncertainty

Dating isn’t cheap, and many young men feel they can’t afford it. With housing costs, inflation, and job insecurity on the rise, some guys are struggling just to support themselves, let alone pay for dates or think about marriage and family. The pressure to be financially stable before entering a relationship is higher than ever, and for many, that goal feels out of reach.

3. Digital Distraction and Social Media

Technology has changed everything. Instead of hanging out in person, many young men spend hours online—playing video games, scrolling social media, or watching videos. While these activities can be fun, they often replace real-world socializing and relationship-building. Video games and online communities can feel safer and more rewarding than the unpredictable world of dating.

4. The Rise of Pornography and Hookup Culture

With easy access to pornography, some men are finding short-term satisfaction online instead of seeking real relationships. Studies show that 91.5% of men watch porn at least once a month, and most are exposed to it before high school. At the same time, hookup culture—casual, commitment-free sex—has become more common as traditional values fade. For some, the idea of pursuing a serious relationship seems unnecessary or even old-fashioned.

5. Unrealistic Expectations and Dating App Fatigue

Dating apps were supposed to make finding love easier, but for many men, they’ve done the opposite. Endless swiping, ghosting, and superficial judgments have left a lot of guys feeling frustrated and disillusioned. Men often report that they’re judged harshly on looks, income, or status, and the competition can feel overwhelming. It’s easy to get discouraged when every interaction feels like a job interview—or worse, a popularity contest.

6. Changing Gender Roles and Cultural Confusion

The rules of romance have changed, and many young men feel caught between traditional expectations and modern realities. They’re told to be strong, confident leaders, but also sensitive, emotionally open, and non-threatening. Many Christian men, in particular, feel intense pressure to be spiritual leaders, financially stable, and ready for commitment—all at once. This can be paralyzing, leading some to withdraw rather than risk falling short.

7. Over-Parenting and Lack of Independence

Today’s parents are more involved than ever, monitoring their kids’ activities and whereabouts through technology. While this can keep kids safe, it also limits opportunities for independence and real-world socialization—key ingredients for learning how to build relationships. Without the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, many young men simply don’t develop the confidence to pursue dating.

8. Spiritual and Relational Drift

From a Christian perspective, the decline in dating reflects deeper spiritual issues. Many singles are searching for fulfillment in relationships, careers, or hobbies, but neglect their relationship with Christ—the only true source of satisfaction. Without a strong spiritual foundation, both men and women are more likely to approach dating with self-centered motives or unrealistic expectations, leading to disappointment and withdrawal.

How Is This Affecting Men—and the Church?

This mass exodus from dating isn’t just a social issue—it’s a spiritual one. Early romantic relationships help young men develop confidence, communication skills, and the ability to set and respect boundaries. When men opt out, they miss out on important life lessons and risk becoming isolated or passive.

In the church, the shortage of men willing to date and pursue marriage is creating a ripple effect. Christian women often find themselves with few options, leading to frustration and discouragement. Some women are tempted to lower their standards or compromise their values just to find a partner. Others give up on dating altogether or look outside the faith for relationships, which can lead to spiritual challenges and heartache. Churches may see fewer young marriages, fewer families, and a decline in the next generation of believers. The sense of community and mentorship that comes from older couples guiding younger ones can also be lost, weakening the fabric of church life.

What Does the Bible Say About Relationships and Pursuit?

The Bible doesn’t talk about “dating” the way we know it today, but it does have a lot to say about relationships, marriage, and godly pursuit. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” There’s an expectation of initiative and pursuit. In Ephesians 5, husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church—sacrificially, intentionally, and with servant leadership.

God’s design for relationships is not passive. It’s about stepping out in faith, taking responsibility, and growing together in Christ. When men pull away from dating and marriage, they’re missing out on an opportunity to reflect Christ’s love, to serve, and to grow in maturity.

What Can the Church and Christian Families Do?

If you care about the next generation, this isn’t just a “young people” problem—it’s a call to action for all of us. Here are some ways Christians can respond:

1. Encourage Healthy Risk-Taking and Resilience

Let’s teach young men that rejection and failure are part of life, not something to be feared or avoided. The path to maturity is paved with mistakes, awkward conversations, and lessons learned the hard way. Encourage young men to step out of their comfort zones, try, and try again. Remind them that their worth isn’t defined by dating success, but by their identity in Christ.

2. Model Godly Relationships

Older couples in the church have a vital role to play. Share your stories—the good, the bad, and the awkward. Show that marriage is worth pursuing, that it’s not about perfection but about grace, forgiveness, and commitment. Invite singles into your homes, let them see real life, and mentor them in practical ways.

3. Address Pornography and Digital Isolation

Churches and families need to talk honestly about the dangers of pornography and digital addiction. These things rob young men of motivation, self-control, and the ability to form healthy relationships. Offer accountability, support groups, and resources for those who are struggling. Encourage real-life connection over virtual escape.

4. Redefine Masculinity and Leadership

Let’s move away from stereotypes and help young men see that godly leadership is about service, humility, and courage—not domination or passivity. Teach them that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to admit weakness. Encourage them to take initiative in relationships, not out of pride, but out of love and a desire to honor God.

5. Create Opportunities for Real Connection

Churches can do more than just host singles events. Create spaces where young men and women can serve together, learn together, and build friendships without pressure. Encourage intergenerational relationships, where wisdom can be shared and encouragement given.

6. Speak Hope, Not Shame

It’s easy to criticize or shame young men for not dating, but that rarely motivates change. Instead, speak hope. Remind them that God has a good plan for their lives, that marriage is a gift, and that they are not alone in their struggles. Pray for them, support them, and walk alongside them.

What Can Young Men Do?

If you’re a young man reading this and feeling discouraged, know that you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. But also know that God calls you to more than just sitting on the sidelines. Here are a few practical steps you can take:

  • Reconnect with God: Make your relationship with Christ your top priority. Let Him shape your identity, your desires, and your future.

  • Step Out in Faith: Don’t let fear or past failures hold you back. Take small steps—ask someone out for coffee, join a group, or volunteer. Practice being present and engaged in real life.

  • Work on Yourself: Grow in character, responsibility, and maturity. Deal with any addictions or unhealthy habits. Seek out mentors who can encourage and challenge you.

  • Be Honest and Respectful: When you do pursue a relationship, be clear about your intentions. Treat women with respect and dignity, remembering that they are daughters of God.

  • Trust God’s Timing: Not everyone will marry young, and that’s okay. Trust that God knows your needs and will provide in His perfect timing.

What About Women?

If you’re a woman who is frustrated by the lack of available, committed Christian men, you’re not alone either. It’s easy to feel overlooked or discouraged. Remember that your worth is not defined by your relationship status. Use this season to grow in faith, serve others, and build strong friendships. Pray for the men in your life, encourage them, and look for ways to support and build up your brothers in Christ.

A Word of Hope

The current dating landscape may seem bleak, but God is still at work. Throughout history, He has used challenging times to draw His people closer to Himself, to refine their character, and to accomplish His purposes. The decline in dating among young men is a wake-up call—not just for individuals, but for the whole church. It’s a chance to rethink what it means to pursue relationships, to build community, and to trust God with our deepest desires.

Let’s not give in to cynicism or despair. Instead, let’s pray for a revival of godly masculinity, healthy relationships, and Christ-centered marriages. Let’s encourage young men to step up, take risks, and trust God with their hearts and futures. And let’s remember that, ultimately, our hope is not in dating apps, cultural trends, or even marriage itself—but in the One who created us for relationship with Himself and with each other.

Final Thoughts

Men are leaving the dating scene, and the reasons are complex—ranging from fear and confusion to cultural shifts and spiritual drift. But as Christians, we don’t have to accept this trend as the final word. We can choose to be different, to pursue relationships with courage, humility, and faith. Whether you’re single or married, young or old, you have a role to play in building a community where men and women can thrive, grow, and love as God intended.

Let’s be the kind of people who offer hope, not judgment. Let’s call young men to something higher, walk with them through their struggles, and remind them that God’s plans are always good—even when the world around us seems broken. Dating may be changing, but God’s love and His design for relationships never will.