Helping Your Child with Gender Identity Issues

As Christian parents, one of the most heartbreaking and confusing situations you may face is having a child who expresses that they are struggling with gender dysphoria – feeling that their biological sex does not match their internal sense of gender identity. While the world increasingly celebrates transgenderism and encourages those with gender dysphoria to “transition” to the opposite gender, as Bible-believing Christians we know that God created humans as male and female and that our biological sex is a gift, not a mistake. So how can we help a child navigate gender identity issues while staying true to God’s Word? Here are some compassionate, practical suggestions firmly rooted in a biblical worldview:

Respond with unconditional love and support

The most important initial response is to assure your child of your unconditional love and support, no matter what they are feeling or experiencing. Make it clear that nothing they say or do will ever cause you to reject or abandon them. They need to know you are a safe person they can openly share their struggles with, without fear of judgment or condemnation.

Express empathy for the pain, distress and confusion they are experiencing. Validate that gender dysphoria is a real psychological condition and you don’t doubt that their feelings are very real to them. Commit to walking with them through this journey. Pray with them, affirming God’s love and asking for His guidance.

Affirm their biological sex and God’s good design

While showing compassion, also lovingly affirm the truth that God intentionally created them male or female and called it “very good.” Share Scripture passages like Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:13-16, and Matthew 19:4 that speak of God’s purposeful design in making us male and female.

Help them understand that our feelings, as intense as they may be, do not define reality and cannot override our biological sex. Our fallen human nature is plagued by all kinds of psychological and emotional brokenness due to sin. But Jesus came to redeem and restore us, including healing our confused and hurting hearts and minds.

With sensitivity, explain that trying to “transition” to the opposite sex is not a real solution and often leads to more distress. Attempting to alter one’s biological sex through hormones or surgery is a form of rejecting God’s creation of our bodies. True peace is found in embracing our God-given identity as male or female, even when that feels difficult.

Explore underlying issues with counseling

Recommend that your child see a professional Christian counselor to explore the roots of their gender dysphoria and work through their painful feelings. Many children with gender identity struggles have underlying emotional issues, past trauma, or other mental health challenges that need to be addressed.

Be very careful in selecting a counselor who will compassionately help your child without affirming transgenderism as an appropriate solution. Look for a therapist who has a biblical view of sex and gender, who sees the body and soul as an integrated whole designed by God. Avoid “gender therapists” or “gender clinics” that push children to transition. A good counselor will help your child resolve emotional wounds and find healthy ways to express themselves as their biological sex.

Provide spiritual discipleship

Ultimately, your child needs more than just psychological counsel – they need spiritual transformation through a relationship with Jesus Christ. If your child is not a believer, share the gospel with them and pray for their salvation. If they are a Christian, commit to spiritually discipling them to find their identity, purpose and fulfillment in Christ.

Study biblical passages together about how Jesus redeems us from sin and makes us new creations in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 2:20). Memorize verses about God’s good plans for them (Jeremiah 29:11). Pray together for the Holy Spirit’s power to resist Satan’s lies and walk in holiness. Teach them to “take every thought captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) when struggling with gender confusion.

Encourage them that Jesus provides a better and more satisfying identity than any worldly label – beloved child of God, friend of Christ, temple of the Holy Spirit. In Him, whether male or female, they are “complete” (Colossians 2:10). Help them fix their eyes on Jesus and the promised hope of a glorified, perfected body in eternity (1 Corinthians 15:35-49).

Maintain strong family relationships

Make sure your child knows that you are always there for them as a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. Spend quality time together and keep communication open. Regularly affirm your love for them and delight in them as your son or daughter.

Be patient with them when they are struggling. Don’t pressure or argue with them about their gender identity, but continue gently pointing them to God’s truth in Scripture. Pray for them constantly. If your child is resistant, don’t enable their gender confusion but maintain relationship as much as possible while setting wise boundaries.

As parents, stay unified as you navigate this challenging situation. Rely on each other’s strengths and unique roles as mother and father. Present a united front in upholding biblical values. Extend grace and forgiveness to each other. Pray together for God’s wisdom and help.

Plug into church community

Surround your family with a loving, supportive church body who will pray for you and reinforce biblical truth. Be discerning in finding a solidly biblical church that will not affirm unbiblical views of gender and sexuality.

Involve mature, compassionate believers in your child’s life who will invest in discipling them. Recruit prayer warriors to intercede for your child’s spiritual and emotional healing. Plug your child into God-honoring activities and relationships with Christian peers who will be a positive influence.

At the same time, be prepared that some in the church may not understand your child’s struggle or may respond without grace. Lovingly educate others and ask them to interact with your child with compassion, while still upholding Scripture. Set boundaries if needed to protect your child from hurtful comments or judgment.

Limit negative cultural influences

Be aware of the pervasive cultural messages promoting transgenderism to young people through social media, entertainment, school, and peers. Monitor your child’s media consumption and limit their exposure to content and online communities that encourage them to embrace a transgender identity.

Discuss cultural lies about gender from a biblical perspective. Help them think critically about messages that contradict God’s Word. Teach them to find their sense of self in Christ, not in the ever-shifting ideologies of the world.

If your child’s school is promoting transgender ideology, consider alternative education options like Christian school or homeschooling, if possible. Connect with other parents to respectfully voice concerns to school leadership. Be an advocate for your child’s physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.

Persevere in faith

Walking with a child through gender identity struggles is a long, difficult road with many ups and downs. At times you will feel overwhelmed with sorrow, fear and a sense of helplessness. But do not despair – place your trust fully in the Lord and His power to heal, redeem and restore.

Cling to God’s promises in Scripture and keep praying fervently for your child’s freedom and wholeness. Find comfort in the testimonies of those who have found resolution from transgender identities through Jesus. Believe that God is able to bring your child through this valley into His marvelous light.

As painful as this journey is, let God use it to draw your child – and you – closer to Him. May your child one day declare with the Psalmist, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14) May Jesus be glorified as the only One who can make us whole.