Have you noticed it? Whether in coffee shops, at church gatherings, or out with friends—there’s a hush that seems to settle over social settings where single men and women mingle. Gone are the days when a guy would nervously offer to buy a cup of coffee, or just strike up conversation for the sake of it. If you’ve wondered what happened, you’re certainly not alone. Today, fewer men than ever are approaching women in public and social settings. And this isn’t just one generation’s complaint—it’s a reality being noticed across the board and backed up by real numbers.​

The Numbers Tell a Surprising Story

Recent research shows just how dramatic the shift has been. Nearly half of young men—about 45% of those aged 18 to 25—say they have never asked a woman out in person, not even once. That’s right, almost every other young man you see hasn’t taken that classic risk. Even more staggering, as many as 80% of men admit they’re genuinely afraid to approach women in public now. They don’t just worry about a polite “no”; many fear being embarrassed or called out as creepy, rude, or even predatory.​

On the flip side, most young women—more than seven out of ten—say they actually wish men would approach them more often in real life. There’s a real disconnect: women who feel invisible, and men who are too anxious about how their intentions might be perceived to take a chance. This isn’t just sad; it’s shaping a whole generation’s view of relationships, marriage, and even faith.​

Why Are Men Retreating?

Let’s get honest for a second—why are so many guys backing away from starting a simple conversation with a woman in public? Here are some of the big reasons:

  1. Risk and Rejection Are Scarier Than Before
    The classic fear of rejection has always been there, but today’s men face an added layer of social anxiety. Public humiliation—being laughed at, reported on social media, or even accused publicly—feels like a real risk in 2025. In digital age culture, one awkward moment can be recorded and shared, making the fallout feel larger than life.​

  2. Cancel Culture and Social Policing
    Many men express real worry that something innocent could be interpreted negatively. With “cancel culture” looming, guys sometimes feel they’re walking a tightrope—where a well-intended “hello” could be misunderstood as disrespectful or predatory. As a result, the men who are most careful, respectful, and honest are the ones who’ve chosen to sit quietly on the sidelines.​

  3. Dating Apps Changed Everything
    Let’s face it—swiping is easier than risking a face-to-face “no.” Dating apps make rejection feel less personal, less humiliating, and much more manageable. But they’ve also made authenticity and vulnerability far rarer in that first connection.​

  4. Mixed Messages and Changing Rules
    Traditional expectations about men pursuing women are fading. Many women now feel empowered to initiate, which—while healthy—leaves many men uncertain about what’s expected. With so much confusion about who should make the first move, many simply opt out.​

From Christian Eyes: Relationships, Risk, and God’s Good Design

As a Christian, it’s hard not to reflect biblically on these social changes. God designed us for relationship—to seek each other out, to risk, to be vulnerable for the sake of something bigger than ourselves (see Genesis 2:18, Proverbs 18:22). The New Testament reminds us that real love casts out fear, not just in spiritual matters but with our neighbors and future spouses (1 John 4:18).

Culture tells young men today to play it safe, to keep quiet, to wait for a sign. But that’s never been how deep, lasting love begins. Christ-followers are called to a higher standard of courage and kindness—to “do everything in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14) and to take risks that honor God and each other. Yes, that means refusing the selfish, lustful approaches the world sometimes applauds—but it also means embracing hope and action over cowardice and fear.

What’s the Outcome? The “Dating Freeze”

So, what’s the big-picture result? For many in their teens and 20s, there’s a new kind of dating paralysis setting in. Both men and women secretly wish the other would just make a move—yet neither does. Young women lament feeling invisible, passed over, or unwanted. Young men settle for digital conversations and retreat from the risk that builds true character and connection.​

What’s missing is the rich, nuanced dance God intended—men and women learning to honor each other, treat each other as whole persons, and practice courage, humility, and servant-hearted love. Instead, conversations go online or disappear completely, leaving both sides feeling lonelier and more anxious.

Where Are We Headed?

If this trend continues, we risk raising a generation that knows more about avoiding pain than about loving deeply—one where emotional and spiritual maturity is traded for surface-level, phone-based connections. Yet, there’s hope: societal shifts often create hunger for something ancient and true. Many young adults are starting to ask bigger questions—about purpose, vocation, and calling that stretch beyond the fleeting trends of online dating.​

How Do We Respond as Christians?

  1. Model Courage and Honor
    If you’re a man, let Christ’s example motivate you to pursue relationships with courage and respect. If you’re a woman, be gracious, open, and supportive when someone takes a healthy risk to start a God-honoring conversation. Encourage those you mentor—youth group members, children, or friends—that biblical manhood means initiative, not passive waiting, but always paired with kindness and gentleness (Philippians 2:3-4).

  2. Reject Cynicism; Offer Grace
    Christians are called to be countercultural, to resist the cynicism and division that saturate this topic online. God’s grace covers our awkwardness, our mistakes, our fears of rejection. Offer forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt. Remember: the other side is probably just as nervous as you are.

  3. Create Safe, Intentional Spaces to Meet
    Churches, campus ministries, and Christian communities can play a huge role by organizing events—and bringing back environments—where men and women can talk, laugh, and share life without the pressure or fear that plague today’s secular “dating market.”

  4. Teach Healthy Boundaries and Boldness
    Let’s train the next generation to know the difference between healthy, God-honoring pursuit and pushy, selfish behavior. Encourage young men to take appropriate risks, to communicate clearly, to accept “no” with grace, and to keep looking for authentic ways to build connection that points others to Christ.

Rediscovering Humanity, One Conversation at a Time

At the end of the day, the reason men are no longer approaching women isn’t just about technology, social media, or fear. Ultimately, it’s a spiritual issue—a challenge to rediscover both courage and compassion in a world obsessed with self-preservation. Relationships always require risk. Our calling as Christians hasn’t changed: risk loving well, in every connection, because love itself is worth the awkwardness and the vulnerability.

If you’re a young man reading this, don’t let culture’s fear keep you on the sidelines. Approach others with honesty and respect. If you’re a young woman, create grace-filled space for those who make an honest effort—even if they fumble at first. Together, let’s champion a culture where pursuit isn’t predatory, where kindness isn’t mistaken for weakness, and where humanity, love, and faith override our ever-growing list of anxieties.​

Looking around, it may seem like this is the end of something good. But from a God’s-eye view, it’s always a new beginning—an invitation for believers to step up and show the world what Christ-shaped love looks like, one authentic conversation at a time.