Physical intimacy is a beautiful and important part of the marriage relationship that God designed. However, many Christian couples face challenges and struggles in this area. Whether it’s due to past baggage, unrealistic expectations, selfishness, lack of communication, or medical issues, physical intimacy problems are very common. The good news is that with God’s help and by applying biblical principles, these struggles can be overcome.
Understand God’s Design for Sex
It’s important to have a right understanding of God’s purpose for sex in marriage. The Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed between a husband and wife (Genesis 2:24-25, 1 Corinthians 7:3-5). It is meant to be an expression of the deep emotional and spiritual oneness of the marriage relationship. Sex is not just about physical pleasure, but about selfless giving and meeting each other’s needs (Ephesians 5:21, Philippians 2:3-4). When couples grasp this biblical perspective, it can transform their attitude towards sex. It’s not just about “my needs” but about loving and serving your spouse. Selfishness and a focus on personal gratification is the enemy of great sex. Couples must learn to put each other first and focus on giving rather than taking.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Lack of communication is one of the biggest barriers to a fulfilling sex life. Many couples find it awkward or uncomfortable to discuss sexual matters openly. However, good communication is essential for resolving intimacy issues. Couples need to be able to share their desires, preferences, struggles and concerns with each other in a spirit of love and humility. Some key things to communicate about include:
Couples should also pray together about their sexual relationship and invite God into this area of their marriage. Counseling with a Christian sex therapist can also be very helpful for couples who are stuck and need guidance.
Pursue Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy are closely linked. Couples who have a deep emotional connection and feel safe and secure with each other will naturally have a more fulfilling sex life. Conversely, unresolved emotional issues like anger, hurt, fear and lack of trust can create barriers to physical intimacy. Couples need to prioritize building emotional intimacy through quality time together, open communication, resolving conflicts, and expressing love and appreciation for each other. Husbands need to make their wife feel cherished, protected and secure. Wives need to respect and submit to their husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33). When a couple has a strong emotional bond, they will naturally desire to express that through physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy is the foundation upon which great sex is built.
Manage Expectations and Avoid Comparisons
Many couples struggle with unrealistic expectations about sex that come from media, porn, or even well-meaning but misguided teaching. They may compare themselves to other couples or to an idealized standard and feel inadequate. Husbands may feel pressure to perform like porn stars, while wives may feel insecure about their bodies or sexual abilities. Couples need to understand that every marriage is unique and that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for sexual fulfillment. What matters is that you are both giving your best to each other and growing together. Avoid comparisons and focus on your own journey. Celebrate your differences and find creative ways to express your love physically that work for you as a couple.
Prioritize Physical Intimacy
In the busyness of life, it’s easy for couples to neglect their sex life. Work, kids, stress and fatigue can all take a toll. Couples need to be intentional about making physical intimacy a priority. Schedule regular date nights, getaways and intimate times together. Don’t let too much time pass without being physically intimate. Husbands in particular need to take the lead in initiating sex and making their wife feel desired. Wives should be responsive and not withhold sex except by mutual consent for a time of prayer (1 Corinthians 7:5). Couples should aim to meet each other’s sexual needs as much as possible.
Seek Help When Needed
If you are struggling with sexual issues that you can’t seem to resolve on your own, don’t be afraid to seek help. Many Christian counselors and sex therapists specialize in helping couples overcome intimacy problems. Counseling can provide a safe space to work through issues, learn new skills, and get an outside perspective. Couples may also benefit from reading books on the topic of sex and intimacy written from a Christian perspective. Some good options include “Sheet Music” by Dr. Kevin Leman, “Intended for Pleasure” by Ed Wheat, and “Intimate Issues” by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. These resources can provide valuable insights and practical tips.
Rely on God’s Grace and Strength
Ultimately, the key to overcoming physical intimacy struggles is to rely on God’s grace and strength. Couples need to remember that they are not alone in their struggles. God is with them and wants to help them grow closer together. When they feel weak, they can draw on God’s power (2 Corinthians 12:9). Couples should pray together regularly for their marriage and sex life. They should also seek to grow spiritually as individuals through Bible reading, prayer and fellowship with other believers. As they draw closer to God, they will find the wisdom, patience and love they need to work through their intimacy issues.
In conclusion, physical intimacy struggles are common in Christian marriages, but they can be overcome. By understanding God’s design for sex, communicating openly, pursuing emotional intimacy, managing expectations, prioritizing physical intimacy, seeking help when needed, and relying on God’s grace, couples can experience the fulfilling sex life God intends. The journey may not be easy, but it is worth it for the sake of a strong, healthy marriage.
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