“Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye and then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).
Review: God has specified in His Word the method for resolving conflict and reconciling with an offender. When we choose to gossip/slander or verbally attack the offender, God’s name is blasphemed and our witness is discredited. When we obey his command to Go and Show (Matthew 18:15), a watching world glorifies God (Matthew 5:16).
Preparation for Go And Show involves two important activities: Honest Self-examination and Repentance.
- Honest Self-Examination
- The natural, human tendency to conceal our sin (David) “He who covers his sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes his sin will find mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
Note: A mistake is an error in judgment. Although it may offend/hurt another person, the repair work is usually not to the extent required for sinful action. Sin is “missing the mark;” failing to do what God commands or doing what he forbids.
- When we cannot conceal our sin, we tend to blameshift the responsibility on someone else (Adam). We use the 40/60 rule to justify our position.
Insight: When we refuse to acknowledge our role in a conflict, we will pay a heavy price: physically and emotionally (Psalm 32:3-5) and interpersonally (Acts 15:36-41). If you find it hard to see your role in a problem/conflict, ask God to reveal your heart to you (Psalm 139:23-24).
Areas that Need Examination:
A. Misuse of Tongue (Chief Cause Of Conflict)
- Reckless words
- Grumbling/complaining
- Falsehood
- Gossip
- Slander
- Worthless talk
B. Controlling Others
C. Breaking Your Word
D. Unwillingness To Respect Authority
E. Neglecting Golden Rule
F. Serving Sinful Desires
- Improper desire for physical pleasure
- Pride/desire to always be right
- Fear of man
- Love of money/material possessions
- Wanting good things too much (respect, love, comfort, convenience, success)
2. Repentance
- Repentance is not simply feeling bad about our behavior, but a change of mind (metanoia); it is “coming to our senses” (Luke 15:17) about our attitude, ideas, values, goals, or behavior.
Note: Worldly sorrow is wounded pride, grief/remorse over the consequences our sin brings, or our lusts going unfulfilled. Godly sorrow, however, “brings repentance” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10).
- Repentance should lead to changed We are to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt. 3:8)
Insight: You are ready to Go and Show if you can acknowledge your part in the conflict; that will require an honest self-examination and repentance. God is pleased with this approach and will bless you with resolution of the conflict and restoration of the relationship.
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