Categories: Marriage

Peacemaking in Marriage: Get The Log Out Of Your Own Eye

“Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye and then you will be able to see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).

Review: God has specified in His Word the method for resolving conflict and reconciling with an offender. When we choose to gossip/slander or verbally attack the offender, God’s name is blasphemed and our witness is discredited. When we obey his command to Go and Show (Matthew 18:15), a watching world glorifies God (Matthew 5:16).

Preparation for Go And Show involves two important activities: Honest Self-examination and Repentance.

Honest Self-Examination

The natural, human tendency to conceal our sin (David) “He who covers his sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes his sin will find mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).

Note: A mistake is an error in judgment. Although it may offend/hurt another person, the repair work is usually not to the extent required for sinful action. Sin is “missing the mark;” failing to do what God commands or doing what he forbids.

When we cannot conceal our sin, we tend to blameshift the responsibility on someone else (Adam). We use the 40/60 rule to justify our position.

Insight: When we refuse to acknowledge our role in a conflict, we will pay a heavy price: physically and emotionally (Psalm 32:3-5) and interpersonally (Acts 15:36-41). If you find it hard to see your role in a problem/conflict, ask God to reveal your heart to you (Psalm 139:23-24).

Areas that Need Examination:

A. Misuse of Tongue (Chief Cause Of Conflict)

Reckless words
Grumbling/complaining
Falsehood
Gossip
Slander
Worthless talk

B. Controlling Others

C. Breaking Your Word

D. Unwillingness To Respect Authority

E. Neglecting Golden Rule

F. Serving Sinful Desires

Improper desire for physical pleasure
Pride/desire to always be right
Fear of man
Love of money/material possessions
Wanting good things too much (respect, love, comfort, convenience, success)

2. Repentance

Repentance is not simply feeling bad about our behavior, but a change of mind (metanoia); it is “coming to our senses” (Luke 15:17) about our attitude, ideas, values, goals, or behavior.

Note: Worldly sorrow is wounded pride, grief/remorse over the consequences our sin brings, or our lusts going unfulfilled. Godly sorrow, however, “brings repentance” (2 Corinthians 7:9-10).

Repentance should lead to changed We are to “produce fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt. 3:8)

Insight: You are ready to Go and Show if you can acknowledge your part in the conflict; that will require an honest self-examination and repentance. God is pleased with this approach and will bless you with resolution of the conflict and restoration of the relationship.