Big Idea:
To prevent relational damage, conflict must be resolved in a timely and biblical manner. Unity must be preserved and restored so that God is glorified.
Description | Flight | Fight | Face It |
Motto | “Peace at any price” | “It’s my way or the highway” | “We can work it out” |
Focus | Me (self-protection) | You (Blame or attack) | Us (Resolve the conflict) |
Goal | Lose/win | Win/lose | Win/win |
Outcome | Peace-faking
| Peace-breaking
| Peace-Making |
Flight:
Tactics:
Insight:
Running away from a problem only postpones a solution. It may bring temporary relief but usually makes matters worse.
Two Exceptions:
Fight:
Tactics:
Insight:
Those who fight are more interested in winning the conflict, getting their way, asserting their rights, controlling others rather than preserving the relationship (Acts 6:8-15; Stephen accused of blasphemy; James 4:1-2
One Exception:
Confront sin/sinner. Godly men are angered by injustice and unrighteousness (Jesus/Pharisees – Mark 3:5; Jesus cleansing temple – Mark 11:15-18; Jesus rebuked Peter – Matthew 16:23; Moses/Golden calf – Ezra 32:1-20; David/Goliath’s blasphemy – I Samuel 17). Those in authority (e.g. parent, teacher, judge, pastors, counselors, police) exercise this exception more often than others.
Face It:
Method | Description |
1. Overlook an offense | Deliberate decision to dismiss an offense (i.e. not talk about it/dwell on it) Proverbs 19:11 “The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.” |
2. Reconciliation | If an offense is too serious to overlook or has damaged the relationship, reconciliation is required [Latin ‘reconciliare’ re (back) conciliare (meeting)] Reconciliation pursued through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness (Matthew 5:23-24; Proverbs 28:13; Galatians 6:1; Matthew 18:15) |
3. Negotiation | Even if we resolve relational issues, we may still need to work on material issues (money, property, or other rights). Legitimate needs of both parties are settled (Philippians 2:4). |
4. Mediation | When two parties cannot reach an agreement privately, should ask for objective, outside help to explore possible solutions (Matthew 18:16). May give advice but has no authority to force parties to accept a solution. |
5. Arbitration | When two parties cannot come to a voluntary agreement on a material issue, arbitrators are appointed to hear the arguments and give a binding decision (1 Corinthians 6:1-8). |
6. Accountability | If two Christians refuse to be reconciled, church leaders intervene and hold them accountable to Scripture. Insist on repentance, justice, and forgiveness (Matthew 18:17). |
Biblical Prospective of Conflict:
Not an inconvenience or occasion to force our will on others, but an opportunity to demonstrate the power and love of God in our lives (I Corinthians 10:31-11:1).
Opportunity to…
How are you handling conflict with others? Are you glorifying God in your conflict with others?
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