Peacemaking in Marriage: When A Husband or Wife Sins Against You (Part 1)

Big Idea:

Scripture specifies the procedure for resolving conflict between two parties. A failure to follow this procedure is sin and results in damaged relationships and the defamation of God’s character.

Three Ungodly Approaches:

1. Slander/Gossip (purveyor or recipient) about the offender
   • Slander is speaking false and malicious words about another person so that their reputation is damaged (Ex: ascribe motives to another person’s behavior; misrepresent another person’s position; exaggerate another person’s sin). See Proverbs 16:28; Psalm 15:1-3; Ephesians 4:31
   • Gossip is spreading unfavorable information about someone else, even if that information is true. See Proverbs 11:13; 18:8; 26:20

Insight:

A gossip thrives on the negative, the controversial, and the sensational. A person who is genuinely concerned about resolving an issue will go and privately confront the person at the source and express their concern.

Note:   There is no marital privilege in relation to these sins. In marriage, we should help one another not to gossip and slander. If you need counsel or help, it is appropriate for you to go to your spouse for the legitimate purpose of seeking help; but it is not appropriate to share a “dainty morsel” (Prov. 26:22) of negative information about another person.

Warnings:

• Gossip is as sinful as murder, sexual immorality, and hating God (Romans 1:28-32).
• God holds you accountable for your words (Matthew 12:36-37).
• Gossip and slander disqualify a man from spiritual leadership (I Timothy 3:11; James 3:2)
• Those who gossip and slander are not in fellowship with God (Romans 1:28-32)
• Gossip always contributes to a problem and never to a solution.
• Those who gossip rarely get answers to prayer, and often face persistent, unexplainable problems (Psalm 66:18; Proverbs 21:23; 6:12-15).

Godly Instruction About Gossip/Slander:

• If you engage in gossip/slander, repent and confess these behaviors as sin; ask Christ for forgiveness (Ephesians 4:29).
• Keep your nose out of other’s business (I Thessalonians 4:11; I Peter 4:15). If you can’t say something encouraging, keep your mouth shut (Ephesians 4:29).
• Never criticize another person except to his or her face with the intent to help. Criticism can never be “constructive” if expressed to anyone else.
• If friends start bad-mouthing others to you, stop them in their tracks, refuse to be a partaker in their sin (I Timothy 5:22).
• Avoid associating with people who gossip (Proverbs 20:19).
• Expose works of darkness by separating gossip/slander to the pastor so that he may confront and offer correction. Gossip should be treated as any other vile sin (Ephesians 5:11).

2. Hold A Grudge Against the Offender:

A grudge is a feeling of resentment or ill will over some grievance; an unforgiving attitude leading to bitterness.(Leviticus 19:18; Ephesians 4:26-27).

3. Verbally Attack the Offender:

Verbal attacks are meant to humiliate, hurt, or intimidate another person (Proverbs 12:18; 14:29; 15:1).

 Note:   A verbal attack is often about payback (e.g. “even the score,” “give them a taste of their own medicine,” “set the record straight,” “get a pound of flesh”); in other words, getting revenge for the hurt/wound caused by the offender.

Conclusion:

Conflict provides an opportunity to glorify God and reestablish peace and unity with the other person. When we choose an ungodly approach to deal with conflict, we dishonor/defame God’s character and risk the loss of the relationship.

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