When we hear the phrase “playing house,” most of us picture kids pretending to be grown-ups, setting up imaginary kitchens and sweeping plastic floors for make-believe families. But today, “playing house” describes something very real—young adults deciding to move in together and live as if they’re married, all without any long-term commitment, covenant, or conversation about the future. In our culture, especially in the United States, this isn’t just a quirky trend—it’s become the expected next step for many young couples. Yet beneath the surface, “playing house” comes with real risks, emotional challenges, lots of confusion, and plenty of heartbreak.
The Rise of Cohabitation in America
Take a look around: nearly 10% of American adults are now choosing to cohabit, up from less than 4% just a few decades ago. In fact, four out of every five new marriages in recent years were preceded by living together, and two-thirds of adults think cohabitation is a “good idea.” It’s so accepted that many parents today even expect their grown kids to move in with a partner before seriously considering marriage.
You might ask, why? Well, for many, cohabitation feels practical. Rent’s expensive, college loans don’t disappear, and sharing expenses just makes sense. Others move in together out of convenience, loneliness, or the hope that “testing” the relationship will help avoid the pain of divorce they’ve seen in their parents’ generation. Society tells us: “Try before you buy. You don’t want to commit before you know what you’re getting into.”
But is living together really the same as building a marriage? Or are couples just “playing house”—acting out the routines and intimacy of marriage without ever setting their feet on the solid ground of lifelong commitment?
The Dangers of Playing House
At first glance, playing house seems harmless—and maybe even smart. It feels responsible—like a way to test out compatibility or avoid a big mistake. But real research and Christian wisdom say otherwise.
When a couple cohabits, they step into a world that looks like marriage, but isn’t marriage. They share chores, combine finances, maybe even get a pet. Some have kids. But at its core, cohabitation leaves a back door open. Both partners know, deep down, they can leave if things get tough. There’s no public promise. No covenant. No clear plan for the future.
This creates a whole host of problems:
Emotional Attachment Without Clarity
First, “playing house” often leads to deep emotional bonding—without true accountability. The relationship feels genuine. Couples depend on each other for comfort, companionship, and stability. But conversations about the future—marriage, kids, spiritual direction—are often left for “later.” Partners may not know if their significant other really sees this as forever, or just “for now.”
Sliding, Not Deciding
This is sometimes called “sliding, not deciding.” Instead of making a conscious, prayerful decision to pursue marriage, many couples simply slide into living together because it’s convenient, exciting, or just the next step. Soon, they find themselves wrapped up in habits and routines that are hard to break—even if the relationship isn’t right.
Delaying Hard Conversations
Because the stakes feel lower, couples are more likely to ignore or postpone the tough talks—disagreements about faith, money, family, or life goals. These differences, hidden beneath the surface, often go unaddressed until much later, sometimes emerging only after a breakup or years living together. In a true marriage, dealing with challenges is necessary; in “playing house,” it’s easier to avoid them.
Investment Without a Foundation
When a couple plays house, it’s all too easy to make big sacrifices—changing cities, switching careers, even having children—without the safety net of a covenant. If the relationship ends, the cost is high: financial loss, emotional wounds, and broken trust. Couples can find themselves heartbroken and confused, wondering why something that felt so real never became permanent.
Testing Marriage…or Dodging It?
Perhaps the biggest myth of cohabitation is that it’s a good test run for marriage. The truth is, cohabiting doesn’t replicate the real pressures and joys of a lifelong union. Marriage isn’t just sharing a bed, splitting bills, or managing chores. It’s saying, “I am with you for better or worse. I choose you. I commit.” That level of security can only come when both people are all-in—not just trying things out.
Studies consistently show that living together before marriage—especially when done casually or before engagement—is linked to higher breakup rates and more marital struggles down the road. Why? Because “playing house” isn’t anchored in a promise. If faith, values, or a shared commitment to God and each other aren’t built first, it’s easy for disappointment, frustration, or avoidance of major life decisions to take root.
The Christian Difference: Marriage Is a Covenant, Not a Trial Run
From a Christian perspective, relationships aren’t meant to be about convenience or temporary satisfaction. God’s design is for a man and woman to commit—publicly, spiritually, and wholeheartedly—in a lifelong, selfless covenant. This isn’t about locking someone into a contract; it’s about offering the gift of permanence, protection, and unbreakable love.
When two people play house, they substitute the shadow for the substance. They long for intimacy, routine, and emotional warmth—but without the foundation that brings deep trust and spiritual growth. Cohabitation can look like marriage on the surface, but underneath, it lacks the walls, roof, and solid ground that only a covenant can provide.
Grace, Truth, and the Call to Something Better
Of course, it’s easy to see why playing house is tempting. Our hearts are made for connection, and our culture celebrates independence and “finding yourself” before getting serious. Yet, as Christians, we believe God calls us to more than short-term satisfaction or easy comfort. Relationships are meant to reflect Christ’s self-giving, sacrificial love—a love that endures wrongs, forgives, and perseveres.
If you or someone you love is considering cohabitation, it’s worth pausing to ask some real questions: Is this relationship moving toward commitment, or just avoiding it? Are tough conversations about faith, future, and family really happening—or just being kicked down the road? Is this about honoring God with your body, your trust, your choices, and your future?
Finding the Courage to Commit
Love is risky. Real commitment is hard; it means saying “I’m with you—no matter what.” But lasting joy, deep trust, and the safety to be truly yourself only grow in the context of lifelong covenant, not trial and error. Marriage isn’t perfect or easy, but its anchors—selflessness, sacrifice, shared faith—are what make it strong.
Let’s not settle for “playing house.” The cost is too great, and the reward of real, committed love is too precious to miss. God’s vision for marriage is so much bigger, richer, and more lasting than any convenience, emotional thrill, or test drive could ever provide.
So, instead of sliding into the routines of cohabitation, let’s purposely, prayerfully seek God’s best—choosing not just to live together, but to build something unbreakable together, on the unshakable foundation of Christ. Real love deserves nothing less.