An Imbalance of Power in Marriage

Marriage is intended to be a beautiful, intimate union between two people who love and support each other. However, even in Christian marriages founded on biblical principles, unhealthy power imbalances can sometimes develop that undermine the health and stability of the relationship. Understanding the dynamics of power, authority and submission in marriage through a biblical lens is crucial for building marriages that honor God and bless both partners.

The Biblical Foundation for Marriage Roles

The Bible establishes distinct roles for husbands and wives in marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33 instructs wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and calls husbands to love their wives sacrificially as Christ loved the church. This passage has sometimes been misinterpreted to justify male dominance and female subservience.

However, a closer look reveals a call to mutual submission out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21). Husbands are to be servant leaders, not domineering tyrants. Their authority is based on the example of Jesus, who came not to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45). A husband’s role is to love, provide and protect, not to control or demean his wife.

At the same time, wives are called to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). This respect recognizes the husband’s leadership role, but is not equated with blind obedience. A godly wife is her husband’s helper and partner (Genesis 2:18), offering wisdom, encouragement and loving accountability. Together, the husband and wife reflect the loving relationship between Christ and the church.

When Power Becomes Imbalanced

Despite this biblical foundation, power imbalances can creep into Christian marriages for various reasons. Sometimes it stems from misinterpretations of Scripture that overemphasize male authority and female submission. Cultural norms and family backgrounds that normalize male dominance can also shape unhealthy marital dynamics.

Imbalances often revolve around four key areas:

1. Financial power – when one spouse controls the money and financial decisions.
2. Decision-making power – when one spouse dominates decisions with little input from the other.
3. Emotional/verbal power – when one spouse wields words to criticize, blame or manipulate.
4. Spiritual power – when one spouse claims spiritual superiority or uses Scripture to demand compliance.

Over time, these imbalances can lead to the disempowerment and devaluation of one spouse, breeding resentment, disconnection and even abuse. Marriages thrive when power is shared and both partners feel valued and respected.

Cultivating Mutual Submission and Respect

How can Christian couples avoid or correct power imbalances in their marriages? The key is to cooperate with God’s design for marriage through mutual submission and respect.

This starts with having a correct understanding of biblical submission. Submission is not subjugation, but a voluntary yielding out of love and respect. It is reciprocal – husbands and wives are to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21). And it has limits – submission should never enable abuse or cause one to violate Christian conscience.

Husbands, embrace your role as a servant leader. Love and cherish your wife, considering her needs above your own. Invite and value her perspective in decisions. Be worthy of her respect through Christlike character and conduct.

Wives, respect your husband’s leadership with a cooperative spirit. Share your insights and concerns. Be his partner and ally. When treated harshly, respond with grace and gentle wisdom that can win him over (1 Peter 3:1-2).

Both husbands and wives should:

• Maintain open, honest communication
• Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger (James 1:19)
• Outdo one another in showing honor (Romans 12:10)
• Freely forgive and ask forgiveness
• Cultivate humility and consider the other as more important than yourself (Philippians 2:3)
• Recognize your spouse’s equality and value as God’s image-bearer
• Make decisions together as much as possible
• Encourage each other’s gifts and dreams
• Always treat each other with kindness and respect, even when you disagree

When Professional Help is Needed

In some cases, power imbalances can become so entrenched or destructive that the couple needs outside help to restore a healthy dynamic. Ongoing patterns of control, disrespect, verbal/emotional/physical abuse, or grossly unbiblical behavior may signal it’s time to seek guidance from a pastor or Christian counselor.

With an impartial third party, the couple can gain insight into their unhealthy patterns, learn communication and conflict resolution skills, and rebuild their marriage on a foundation of mutual love and respect. In situations of abuse, individual counseling and steps to ensure safety may be necessary before joint counseling can be productive.

Marriage as a Reflection of Christ

Ultimately, Christian marriage is meant to be a glorious reflection of Christ’s love for the church. When husbands and wives lay down their pride, selfishness and hunger for control to love and serve each other like Jesus, they experience the blessings of a truly Christian marriage.

There is no room for power plays and one-upmanship in a union that is supposed to mirror the self-giving love of the Savior. Instead, in the safety of mutual submission and respect, both husband and wife are empowered to become all God created them to be and to build a marriage that radiates His love to a watching world. That is the power and the beauty of a Christ-centered marriage.