As Christian parents, we love our kids deeply and want to give them every opportunity to grow, learn, and succeed. That desire is good and God-given. But in the middle of school runs, sports practices, youth group, homework, and church activities, it’s alarmingly easy for something precious to quietly slide to the background: our marriage.

Scripture is clear that, after our relationship with the Lord, the covenant between husband and wife is to be our highest human priority. That doesn’t mean we love our children less; it means we honor God’s design by keeping our marriage in its rightful, God-ordained place. When we do, everyone in the home actually benefits—spouse, children, and even extended family.

In this article, we’ll look at why putting your marriage first is biblical, what happens when we neglect it, and how you can practically keep your marriage strong in the middle of real life.

Marriage: God’s priority after Himself

When God created Adam, He didn’t give him children first—He gave him a wife. The very first human relationship God designed was marriage. God calls this one-flesh union a covenant, not a casual arrangement.

In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul describes marriage as a living picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. Husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,” which points to a deep, self-sacrificing love. Wives are called to respect and gladly follow the loving leadership of their husbands. Together, husband and wife are meant to put on display the beauty of Christ’s love and the church’s response.

That means marriage is not just about companionship, romance, or raising children. It’s meant to be a visible sermon about the gospel. When we quietly shift our spouse into second place—after the kids, after the schedule, after the activities—we blur that picture. We send the message, even if we don’t mean to, that marriage is negotiable, flexible, and optional.

Putting your marriage first doesn’t mean ignoring your children or being selfish. It means remembering that the healthiest family is built on a stable, Christ-centered marriage. A strong husband–wife relationship is not competing with love for the children; it is the very thing that helps them feel safe, secure, and loved.

What your children really need to see

Many Christian parents say, “My kids are my world.” We understand the heart behind that, but biblically, that’s upside down. Your kids shouldn’t be your world—Christ should be your life, and your spouse should be your primary earthly commitment.

Children desperately need to see:

  • A dad and mom who love each other openly and faithfully

  • A marriage marked by prayer, forgiveness, laughter, and affection

  • A home where mom and dad are unified, not competing or constantly divided

When you put your marriage first, you teach your children:

  • Commitment is not temporary. They see you working through conflict, not running from it.

  • Love is more than feelings. They see you serving each other when you’re tired, stressed, or frustrated.

  • Respect is essential. They see mom honoring dad and dad cherishing mom, even when you disagree.

Whether they ever say it out loud or not, your kids are constantly taking notes. One day they will likely handle conflict the way they saw you handle it. They will likely treat a spouse the way they saw you treat yours. Your marriage is shaping their view of God, covenant, and love more than any youth lesson or Bible story.

The danger of neglecting your marriage

Neglecting your marriage rarely happens overnight. It happens slowly—over years of good intentions, busy schedules, and “just for this season” compromises.

You tell yourself, “It’s just a busy time with the kids right now. We’ll have more time for each other later.”
Then school turns into sports, sports turn into jobs and college, and you wake up one day realizing you share a house and a last name but not much else.

Some of the dangers of consistently putting your children ahead of your spouse include:

Emotional distance
When you stop investing in your marriage, the emotional connection between you begins to thin out. Conversations become mostly about logistics—who’s driving where, what’s for dinner, what time the game starts. Eventually, your spouse can begin to feel more like a roommate or co-worker than a lover and best friend.

Resentment
If one or both spouses constantly feel like they come in second to the kids, resentment can quietly grow. Thoughts like, “The kids always get his attention,” or “She never has time for me,” can poison the atmosphere in the home. That resentment, if not dealt with, can turn into bitterness and chronic conflict.

Vulnerability to temptation
A neglected marriage leaves both spouses more vulnerable to temptation. When emotional and physical needs are not met in the relationship, sinful alternatives can look more appealing. Affairs rarely start with full-blown betrayal. They usually start with a neglected heart looking for understanding, affirmation, or attention somewhere else.

A shaky foundation for your children
Ironically, the very thing we often sacrifice our marriage for—our children’s well-being—is one of the things most damaged by a weak marriage. Children generally do better emotionally, socially, and spiritually when mom and dad’s relationship is warm, affectionate, and stable. When that relationship is cold, hostile, or distant, kids feel it in their bones.

Putting your marriage first is not only good for you—it is one of the most loving things you can do for your children. They need a secure home more than they need another activity.

Practical ways to put your marriage first

So what does this look like in real life, when you’re tired, the schedule is full, and everyone needs something from you? Here are some practical, simple (not always easy) ways to keep your marriage in its rightful place.

Make time together non‑negotiable
Every healthy relationship needs time. If you wait for leftover time, you’ll never get it. You have to put it on the calendar on purpose.

  • Schedule regular date nights. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. Go for a walk, grab coffee, sit on the porch together, or take a drive. The key is focused time, just the two of you.

  • Protect that time like you would a doctor’s appointment. Tell the kids, “This is mom and dad’s time.” That alone sends a powerful message.

Pray together daily
Praying together is one of the most intimate spiritual habits for a married couple. It reminds you both that you’re on the same team, under the same Lord, depending on the same grace.

  • Keep it simple. You don’t have to pray long or eloquent prayers. A few honest, sincere minutes together can change the tone of your day.

  • Pray for each other by name. Ask God to strengthen your spouse, bless their day, guard their heart, and deepen your love.

  • Invite God into your parenting. Pray over your children together, but start by praying for your marriage first.

Talk about more than logistics
It’s easy for all your conversations to revolve around schedules, chores, and kids. You may be talking a lot but not really connecting.

  • Ask each other real questions: “How are you really doing?” “What’s been weighing on you lately?” “What’s something you’re excited about?”

  • Share your fears, hopes, and struggles. This keeps your spouse from feeling like an outsider to your heart.

  • Be willing to have hard conversations. Deal with issues early instead of pretending they’re fine. Honest talk today can prevent deep hurt tomorrow.

Serve each other intentionally
Jesus modeled love by serving. In marriage, serving your spouse is one of the clearest ways to say, “You matter to me.”

  • Do small, thoughtful things—make their coffee, handle a chore they dislike, warm up the car, send a kind text in the middle of the day.

  • Don’t keep score. You’re not serving to get something back; you’re serving because Christ has served you.

  • Speak your spouse’s “love language.” Some people feel loved through words, others through acts of service, time together, gifts, or physical touch. Learn what speaks loudest to your spouse and lean into that.

Resolve conflict quickly
Every marriage has conflict. The issue is not whether you’ll disagree, but what you do with those disagreements.

  • Don’t let anger sit and grow. Scripture warns us about letting the sun go down on our anger. Deal with issues as soon as you can calmly and respectfully.

  • Learn to say, “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” Those words may feel costly, but they are priceless for healing.

  • Forgive fully. Don’t keep bringing up old sins that have already been confessed and forgiven. Extend the same grace to your spouse that God extends to you.

Guard and pursue physical intimacy
God designed marital intimacy as a good and holy gift—not an optional extra. It’s a powerful way to maintain closeness and unity.

  • Don’t treat intimacy as the first thing to drop when you’re busy. You may have to be intentional and flexible, but staying connected physically is important.

  • Show affection in everyday ways: holding hands, a hug in the kitchen, a kiss before you part, a gentle touch as you walk by. These small gestures keep the marriage warm.

  • Talk with each other honestly about needs, desires, and struggles in this area. Shyness and silence can create misunderstanding and distance.

Let your kids see you love each other
You don’t have to hide your affection from your children—in fact, they need to see it.

  • Let them see you hug, laugh, and enjoy each other. It gives them a sense of security.

  • When they interrupt your couple time (and they will), gently but firmly say, “This is mom and dad’s conversation. We’ll help you in a minute.” That teaches them that marriage matters.

  • Invite them into the joy of your relationship at times—family games, shared jokes, fun traditions—but with the understanding that the husband–wife relationship is unique.

Keeping your marriage strong in busy seasons

Busy seasons will come: newborns, toddlers, teens, job changes, health issues, caring for aging parents. You may not be able to do everything you’d like, but you can still do something to nourish your marriage.

In those seasons:

  • Lower your expectations of what “romance” looks like. It might be talking on the couch after the kids finally sleep instead of a night out.

  • Use small pockets of time. Five minutes of real conversation or prayer is better than none.

  • Remind each other, “We’re on the same team.” When stress rises, repeat that truth. You are not each other’s enemy.

Most importantly, remember that you’re not doing this in your own strength. If you are in Christ, the Holy Spirit lives in you and is able to produce patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control—everything you need to love your spouse well, even when you’re tired

Your marriage as a witness to the world

Your marriage is bigger than your happiness, bigger than your kids’ activities, and bigger than your current season of life. God intends it to be a living, breathing testimony of His covenant love.

When you choose to put your marriage first:

  • You honor God’s design instead of the culture’s priorities.

  • You give your children a strong, stable foundation they will carry into adulthood.

  • You show a watching world that real love is possible—not because you’re perfect, but because Christ is faithful.

So don’t accept the lie that “this is just the way it has to be” while the kids are at home. With God’s help, you can build a marriage that stays tender, connected, and strong, even in the busiest years.

Love your kids deeply. Cheer them on. Show up for them. But after your relationship with the Lord, let your spouse know—by your words, your time, and your choices—that they come first.

In the long run, your children will not be harmed by seeing you prioritize your marriage. They will be blessed by it, shaped by it, and, Lord willing, inspired one day to build Christ-centered marriages of their own.