Putting Your Marriage First

As Christian parents, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of our kids’ busy schedules and activities. Between school, sports, music lessons, church youth group, and more, our calendars fill up quickly. It’s tempting to let our marriage take a backseat to the demands of parenting. However, Scripture makes it clear that our marriage relationship should be our top priority after our relationship with God. In Ephesians 5, the Apostle Paul compares the marriage relationship to the relationship between Christ and the church. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially. Wives are called to respect and submit to their husbands. This high calling of marriage is a picture to the world of Christ’s love for his people. When we prioritize our kids over our spouse, we fail to live out this biblical model of marriage. Our kids need to see a healthy, Christ-centered marriage as the foundation of the family. Putting your marriage first teaches your children the importance of commitment, intimacy, and mutual love and respect in a marriage. It provides them with a model for their own future marriages.

The Danger of Neglecting Your Marriage

It’s easy to justify neglecting your marriage when your kids are young and needy. You tell yourself, “I’ll focus on my marriage later when the kids are older.” But this is a dangerous mindset. Neglecting your marriage now can lead to serious problems down the road. When you consistently prioritize your kids over your spouse, it can lead to emotional distance, resentment, and even infidelity in your marriage. You may start to feel more like roommates than lovers. Your spouse may feel unloved, unappreciated and resentful of always coming in second place to the kids. This can create a toxic environment in the home. Additionally, research shows that children thrive when their parents have a strong, healthy marriage. Kids who grow up with parents who prioritize their marriage are more emotionally secure, have higher self-esteem, and are less likely to struggle with behavioral problems. Putting your marriage first is one of the best things you can do for your kids.

Practical Tips for Prioritizing Your Marriage

So how do you put your marriage first during the busyness of family life? Here are some practical tips:

1. Schedule regular date nights. Make a standing appointment on your calendar for a weekly or monthly date night. Hire a babysitter, put the kids to bed early, or swap childcare with another couple. Use this time to reconnect, have fun together, and talk about something other than the kids for a change.
2. Pray together daily. Make prayer a priority in your marriage. Pray together as a couple every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Pray for each other, your marriage, and your family. This will keep God at the center of your relationship.
3. Communicate openly and honestly. Make time to have real conversations with your spouse, not just quick check-ins about schedules and to-do lists. Share your hopes, fears, joys and struggles with each other. Be willing to have difficult conversations when needed. Healthy communication is the foundation of a strong marriage.
4. Serve each other. Look for ways to serve your spouse and meet their needs, just as Christ served the church. Help with household chores and childcare duties without keeping score. Surprise your spouse with an act of service or thoughtful gift. Putting your spouse’s needs before your own is a powerful way to love them well.
5. Resolve conflicts quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. When you have a disagreement, work to resolve it in a timely manner. Apologize sincerely, forgive freely, and move forward in unity. Unresolved conflicts will only fester and damage your relationship over time.
6. Prioritize physical intimacy. Don’t neglect the sexual and romantic aspect of your marriage, even when you’re tired. Make time for physical intimacy on a regular basis. Flirt with each other, hold hands, and be affectionate. Physical closeness promotes emotional closeness in your marriage.
7. Involve your kids. Occasionally include your kids in your marriage-building activities. Have a family game night, go on a family outing, or do a service project together. Let your kids see you having fun together and prioritizing your marriage. Teach them that marriage is a lifelong commitment.

Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Prioritizing your marriage during busy family life takes intentionality and discipline. It’s easy to let your marriage slide when you’re exhausted from parenting. But with God’s help and a commitment to each other, you can keep your marriage strong and vibrant, even during the chaos of family life. Remember, your marriage is a picture of Christ’s love for the church. When you prioritize your marriage, you’re not just building a strong family, you’re also pointing others to the gospel. Your marriage can be a powerful witness to the world of God’s redeeming love. So don’t neglect your marriage because of your kids’ activities. Put your marriage first, and watch God bless your family as a result. Your kids will thank you for it, and your marriage will be stronger for it.