There’s nothing normal or half-hearted about the biblical model of marriage. The gospel invites couples to something bold—a “radical pursuit” of one another, echoing the relentless, passionate, and sacrificial love Christ pours out on his people. If marriage in our culture is often about convenience or mutual self-fulfillment, radical pursuit flips the script: it calls for active, daily investment to connect, cherish, and serve your spouse no matter how you feel or what obstacles you face.

So, what does radical pursuit really look like in Christian marriage? And more importantly, how do you make it a living reality, rather than just a nice idea? Let’s talk about practical ways to chase after deep connection, unity, and trust—every single day.

What Is Radical Pursuit?

Radical pursuit means actively seeking out your spouse, not waiting for closeness or intimacy to just “happen.” It’s getting up each morning and saying, “Today, I choose to pursue you.” That pursuit isn’t based on feelings or convenience but on a heartfelt commitment rooted in the gospel. Think about the persistent way Jesus came after us—leaving heaven, enduring misunderstanding, and suffering the cross all for the sake of love. He didn’t pursue his bride (the church) half-heartedly or casually. His pursuit was costly, relentless, and intentional.

In marriage, radical pursuit means going beyond routine or surface-level connection. It’s doing what it takes to truly know your spouse and be known by them—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It’s not perfection, but a daily turning toward your partner—even when you’re tired, frustrated, or tempted to pull away.

At its core, radical pursuit is:

  • Selfless love—serving your spouse, even when it costs you.

  • Ongoing sacrifice—putting your partner’s needs above your own comfort.

  • Active engagement—taking initiative to strengthen your bond.

  • Daily choice—moving toward unity, especially when things feel uncertain or difficult.

  • Spiritual commitment—modeling Christ’s love by laying down your life for another.

Why Radical Pursuit Matters

Many marriages drift not because of irreconcilable differences, but because couples stop pursuing one another. Busyness, boredom, distractions, or hurts build up, and instead of moving toward one another, spouses slowly grow apart. The result: isolation, resentment, or at best, roommates living under the same roof.

But radical pursuit interrupts that drift. It keeps marriage vibrant, passionate, and anchored in trust. When each spouse chooses daily to move closer—emotionally, spiritually, and physically—the result is a marriage marked by joy and resilience. Radical pursuit puts the gospel on display, showing the world what steadfast, sacrificial love really looks like.

How to Make Radical Pursuit an Active, Daily Priority

Turning “radical pursuit” from a lofty idea into reality requires practical steps. Here’s how to keep chasing after your spouse—365 days a year.

1. Start with Prayer—Every Day

If Christ’s relentless love is our model, then prayer is our fuel. Pray daily for your spouse—not just for their needs, but for deeper intimacy and unity in your marriage. Ask God for wisdom, patience, and the heart to serve. Pray together as often as possible. Even simple, regular prayer covers your marriage with grace and brings God’s power into your pursuit.

2. Invest in Real Communication

Radical pursuit thrives on honest, meaningful conversations—not just about the logistics of family life, but about fears, hopes, dreams, and challenges. Don’t let your marriage fall prey to shallow talk about weather, finances, or chores. Set aside time to connect—go for walks, share coffee, or pray together and ask probing questions: “How can I love you better this week?” “What’s making you anxious lately?” “What are you excited about in our future?” Listen without judgment and respond with compassion.

3. Serve Sacrificially

The gospel is built on Jesus laying down his life for his bride. In practical terms, radical pursuit means seeking daily ways to lay down your own comfort, agenda, or preferences for your spouse. That’s setting aside a hobby to spend meaningful time together, helping without being asked, or letting your partner’s needs interrupt your plans. It’s being willing to do what blesses your spouse—even when you feel “spent” or overlooked.

4. Choose Forgiveness and Grace

No marriage can thrive if spouses keep score. Radical pursuit involves letting go of past hurts, seeking forgiveness quickly, and refusing to hold grudges. Make grace your default—be quick to apologize and even quicker to forgive. Remember that approaching conflict with humility mirrors the heart of Christ and keeps the path open for pursuit rather than retreat.

5. Date Each Other—On Purpose

Don’t let romance become a relic of your dating years. Schedule regular date nights, even if it means staying up late after the kids are asleep or finding creative ways to connect on a budget. Surprise each other, try new things, and rekindle the adventure. Dates are more than fun—they’re intentional acts of pursuit that keep love fresh and focused.

6. Seek Spiritual Growth—Together

Connecting spiritually is one of the most powerful dimensions of radical pursuit. Read Scripture together, join a couples’ small group, or study a devotional as a team. Worship and serve in the church side by side. Share prayer requests and encourage each other’s walk with God. A marriage that pursues spiritual unity finds strength to endure every challenge.

7. Make Physical Intimacy a Priority

Physical closeness is both a gift and a glue for couples. Radical pursuit means taking time to nurture affection, romance, and sexual intimacy—even when life gets busy or stressful. It’s initiating closeness, expressing love through gentle touch, and keeping physical connection alive. Don’t neglect this cornerstone of married life.

8. Encourage and Affirm—Often

Everyone longs to feel cherished. Radical pursuit means daily encouragement—praising your spouse’s strengths, affirming their value, and speaking life into their heart. Write notes, send texts, or say simple words: “I’m proud of you.” “I love how you care for our family.” “You’re God’s gift to me.” Constant affirmation helps build trust and belonging.

9. Protect Your Marriage

A radically pursuing spouse keeps their marriage guarded from inappropriate relationships, distractions, or temptations. Set clear boundaries with friends, coworkers, and technology. Make your spouse your main confidant, and never allow anyone or anything to take their place in your heart, time, or affections. Accountability and transparency aren’t restrictive—they’re protective paths to deeper intimacy.

10. Dream and Plan Together

Radical pursuit involves creating a shared vision for your future as a couple. Regularly dream together about goals for your family, ministry, travel, or even retirement. Work as a team to build a legacy of faith, love, and generosity. Joint planning turns the “me” into “we,” reinforcing the unity that radical pursuit requires.

Facing Obstacles: Radical Pursuit When It’s Hard

Every marriage encounters dry spells, disappointments, and tough seasons. Radical pursuit shines brightest when things go wrong—not just when everything feels warm and easy. When you feel distant or misunderstood, choose to move toward your spouse rather than away. When feelings fade, let commitment guide your heart. If you’re tempted by distraction or comparison, refocus on God’s call to sacrificial, daily pursuit.

Sometimes radical pursuit means getting outside help—seeking counsel, joining a marriage class, or asking your church for support. Admitting weakness isn’t failure; it’s part of the journey. Let Christ’s relentless love motivate you through every valley or challenge.

Pursuing Like Christ

As evangelical Christians, our template for pursuit comes from Jesus. He came all the way for us—choosing humility, enduring wounds, and loving us to the very end. That relentless, sacrificial love is the model for marriage. Pursuing a spouse radically is a powerful witness to the world—a living picture of the gospel lived out in real life.

Marriage is more than mutual convenience. It’s a covenant, a calling. Radical pursuit turns marriage into a daily adventure, where spouses chase after each other in love, serve as partners in faith, and refuse to give up—even when things get hard. That kind of commitment doesn’t just survive the years; it grows and flourishes.

A Daily Challenge, A Lasting Reward

Whether you’ve just started out or have decades behind you, radical pursuit is always within reach. It’s not a feeling but a choice—a dozen little choices every day to move toward one another. Some days will come easy; some will demand sacrifice. But every day is worth it.

So, commit to the radical pursuit of your spouse. Put Christ at the center of your love. Serve, honor, communicate, dream, and forgive—again and again. The reward isn’t just a happy marriage, but the deep joy and lasting unity that testifies to God’s relentless love for his people. That’s the legacy radical pursuit offers—a marriage that truly tells the gospel story.