If you spend any time in Christian circles, you’ll notice that the Bible talks a lot about love—but it also talks about respect, especially in marriage. Ephesians 5:33 tells wives, “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” That sounds good, but what does it actually mean, and why does it matter so much? Let’s talk plain about respect, the sneaky ways it gets lost in marriages, and how it can make or break the joy and partnership God designed for you and your husband.

Why Respect Is So Important to Men

Have you ever wondered why your husband seems to crave respect just as much—maybe even more—than affection? It’s how God designed him. Respect gives him the courage to lead, provide, and be open with you. When a man knows his wife trusts and honors him, he feels ten feet tall. When he feels torn down, he’ll either fight back or give up entirely. And in the end, everyone loses.

Respect isn’t about worshiping the ground he walks on or acting like he’s always right. It’s about allowing him to be the man God created him to be, even with all his struggles and quirks. It’s about valuing his strengths, trusting his heart, and having his back in a way that makes him feel safe and significant.

The Little (and Not-So-Little) Ways Disrespect Sneaks In

Most wives don’t start out wanting to disrespect their husbands. Usually, it happens gradually—and sometimes, unintentionally. Here are some of the most common ways disrespect shows up:

1. Criticizing or Nagging

You notice the socks on the floor, the forgotten errand, or the way he’s glued to his phone during dinner. Maybe you think telling him—again and again—will spark a change. But constant criticism or nagging chips away at his confidence. He may start to think he can’t win with you, so why even try?

2. Publicly Putting Him Down

Maybe it’s a joke at his expense in front of friends: “He can’t find his way to the laundry hamper if his life depended on it!” Or a loaded comment at a couple’s dinner: “Let’s be honest, he never listens until I yell.” Making him the punchline, even in jest, feels like betrayal. Public humiliation wounds a man in ways you might never see.

3. Eye Rolling, Sighs, and Sarcasm

Nonverbal cues—an eyeroll, heavy sigh, or sarcastic reply—shout disrespect louder than words. They say, “You’re ridiculous,” even if you never speak. Over time, those little gestures tell your husband that you see him as a burden, not a blessing.

4. Ignoring His Needs or Efforts

Let’s be honest—life gets busy. Maybe you start taking his effort for granted, failing to notice or thank him when he helps around the house, provides for the family, or tries to please you. Or maybe you downplay his needs for attention, support, or intimacy. When a wife consistently ignores or minimizes her husband’s needs, he feels invisible.

5. Undermining His Authority—Especially with the Kids

Disagreeing with your husband in front of your children (or anyone else) is a sure-fire way to destroy both his confidence and his credibility as a leader. When you override his decisions, correct him, or outright contradict him with the kids present, you send a message: “I’m really the one in charge around here.” Kids pick up on it, too—fast.

6. Withholding Affection or Communication

We often hear about men shutting down, but wives can do it, too. The difference is, sometimes it’s done as a form of punishment—“He hurt me, so I’m giving him the cold shoulder.” Withholding affection, intimacy, or friendly conversation until he “gets it together” only drives a wedge deeper.

7. Venting and Comparing

It might feel harmless to complain about your husband to friends or vent on social media, but this kind of “sharing” is dangerously disrespectful. Worse still, public comparisons—“Why can’t you be more like…” or “So-and-so’s husband actually helps with the housework”—make your husband feel small and unwanted.

The Damage Disrespect Does to Husbands

Disrespect doesn’t just bruise a man’s ego; it wounds him where it hurts most—his sense of identity and worth. Here’s what can begin to happen:

  • He becomes discouraged and starts to believe he’s not good enough for you.

  • He pulls away and avoids conversations or situations where disrespect happens.

  • He stops trying, figuring, “Why bother if I always get it wrong?”

  • He may get angrier or more defensive, turning every simple conversation into an argument.

  • He could even look for affirmation outside the marriage—through work, hobbies, or sadly, unhealthy relationships.

What’s often misunderstood is that respect to a man feels the way love does for a woman. Lack of it is soul-crushing.

The Ripple Effect: How Disrespect Destroys Marriages

When disrespect becomes a pattern, a marriage can slowly unravel. Intimacy fades as emotional barriers rise. Conflict becomes more frequent and less productive, with both partners withdrawing into their corners.

Wives can start to feel alone, shouldering all the burdens of family life and wondering why their husbands won’t step up. Husbands, meanwhile, drift further away, having lost hope that things can ever improve.

It’s not just the couple who suffers. Kids growing up in this environment learn that disrespect and criticism are “normal” ways to relate, repeating those patterns in their own future relationships.

Why the Bible Puts Respect Front and Center

God is serious about respect—because He knows how essential it is for a husband’s heart. In Ephesians 5, Paul commands wives to respect their husbands, just as he commands husbands to love their wives. It’s not an “if he earns it” directive—it’s a calling rooted in obedience to God.

In practice, respect looks like trusting your husband’s intentions, offering encouragement when he tries, and being gentle (not harsh) when something needs to change. It means assuming the best, not the worst, and standing by him, so he knows you truly see him—not just his mistakes.

So How Can a Wife Show Real Respect?

It’s easier than you think, but it requires intentionality. Here are some ways to bring respect back into your relationship, starting today:

  • Notice his efforts and say thank you. Be specific: “I appreciate how you always take care of the yard,” or, “Thanks for being patient with the kids when I was tired.”

  • Give him the benefit of the doubt. Before criticizing, ask, “What could have made this happen?” Maybe he forgot something because he was overloaded. Grace goes a long way!

  • Ask, rather than demand. A respectful request sounds like, “Could you help me with this?” not, “Why haven’t you done it yet?”

  • Defend him in public. If someone criticizes him or he makes a mistake at a family gathering, have his back.

  • Let him fail sometimes. No one is perfect—don’t try to rescue or fix everything for him.

  • Pray for him—out loud and in private. Let him know he’s not alone; you’re on his team, cheering him on, asking God to bless and guide him.

  • Hold off on the venting. When you’re upset, talk to God first, then your husband—in private. Avoid airing grievances to friends or family.

Healing If Disrespect Has Been the Pattern

Maybe you’re reading this and feeling a little convicted. You see places where you’ve slipped into disrespect, and you worry it has built a wall. Don’t lose hope. Here’s the beautiful truth: God specializes in breaking down walls and renewing relationships. Here’s what turning things around looks like:

  • Say, “I’m sorry,” and be specific about what you did and why it was hurtful.

  • Ask your husband where he’s felt disrespected and really listen to his heart.

  • Commit to change—with God’s help and maybe some wise Christian counseling if you’ve gotten stuck. Old patterns can change with humility, effort, and God’s grace.

  • Celebrate each step forward, even if it’s small. Progress, not perfection!

The Joy and Power of Respect

When a man feels respected, his heart opens up. He becomes braver, more affectionate, and more willing to try again. He leads and serves with courage. He even listens better—because he isn’t on the defensive.

Best of all, respect begets respect. The more a wife honors her husband, the more he’ll want to love her sacrificially, as Christ loves the church. That’s the kind of marriage God designed—one that reflects His love to the whole world.

Respect isn’t just a nice extra in marriage—it’s essential. If you want joy, partnership, and peace, start building up your man. Notice what he does right. Show him you trust him. Speak well of him, especially to others. Honor God by honoring your husband. You might be amazed at the man—and the marriage—that blossoms in response. That’s the power of real respect.